Tell Me What You Want

The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life

By: Justin J. Lehmiller

Narrated by: Justin J. Lehmiller

From a leading expert on human sexuality and author of the Sex and Psychology blog, an overview of sexual fantasies–and how to get more satisfaction and pleasure–based on a monumental scientific survey.

What do Americans really want when it comes to sex? And is it possible for us to get it? Justin J. Lehmiller has made it his career's ambition to answer these questions.
Tell Me What You Want offers an unprecedented look into our fantasy worlds and what they reveal about us. It helps readers to better understand their own sexual desires and how to attain them within their relationships, while also appreciating the different desires of their partners.

If we only better understood the incredible diversity of human sexual desire, we would experience less anxiety, and shame about our own sexual fantasies and better understand the needs of our partners. Ultimately, this book will help readers to enhance their sex lives.

Critic reviews

"Not since Nancy Friday has anyone so comprehensively and confidently blown the lid off our deep and secret desires, and revealed the extent to which we humans are endlessly inventive, flexible sexual and social strategists."—Wednesday Martin, PhD, author of the New York Times #1 bestseller Primates of Park Avenue and Untrue

"A penetrating, erotic X-ray into the hidden recesses of our sexual psyches. Illuminating and incisive, Lehmiller lays bare the gray matter of great sex."
—Ian Kerner, PhD, New York Times bestselling author of She Comes First

"Have a deep, dark sex fantasy that you've never shared with anyone? Turns out, you're not alone. Most people are afraid their sex fantasies are abnormal, but Justin Lehmiller's newest book reveals that understanding your erotic imaginings, and sharing them with your sex partner might be the best, healthiest thing you do all year. Tell Me What You Want educates, titillates, thrills and guides us down a marvelous, sexy path that ends in acceptance of those naughty secrets in the basements of our minds."
—David J. Ley, PhD, author of The Myth of Sex Addiction

"Lehmiller's smart, warm, sex-positive book breaks the toxic silence around our sexual fantasies. Reading it may be the best thing you ever do for your sex life, your relationships and your self-acceptance."—Geoffrey Miller, author of The Mating Mind, Spent, and Mate

"Lehmiller's groundbreaking book points to an alarming divide between the conversations we're having about sex and the conversation we should be having about sex. It provides the nudge we need to change the conversation--and, in doing so, to live healthier, hotter lives."—Eli J. Finkel, Professor of Psychology, Northwestern University

"Tell Me What You Want provides a scientifically grounded, non-judgmental assessment of where things stand in the sexual lives and fantasies of Americans. With an open-minded approach and fluid prose, this book is highly recommended for anyone looking for a road-map of where American sexuality is at the moment, and where many Americans would like to be going soon."—Christopher Ryan, PhD, co-author of the New York Times bestseller Sex at Dawn

"Sheds some light on the topic of fantasies, including who has them, how common they are and how they change over a person's lifetime."—Wall Street Journal

"A treasure trove of nuggets about the American sexual psyche...Engaging, provocative, and easy to read."—Dr. Michael Aaron's Psychology Today blog, "Standard Deviations"

"[An] illuminating book...Armed with research, [Dr. Lehmiller] describes our collective fantasies and helps make sense of what they might mean, tackling everything from how they're connected to personalities to how our sexual histories shape desires."—Goop

This book is life-changing

This book is an amazing scientific approach about the truth behind sexual desire. The author goes into detail about anything and everything you could ever want to know about what people desire sexually, why they desire it, and what to do about your own desires. This book will help you understand yourself, your partner(s), and American culture with regards to sexual desire. I recommend it to anyone who is open to learning about statistically common sexual fantasies and their implications on relationships. Overall, this author keeps the story very scientific and factual, being sure to address the possible shortcomings of his study, which adds significantly to his credibility as a researcher.

Wow, I am full

This book was so informative and exhausting if ingested in one sitting. You really dive into the minds of those around us. I will be reading again for better understanding, all in all a beautiful piece.

The numerous data points that his survey collected and how it helps to bust myths about s*x

Dr. Lehmiller presents the data in a very interesting story format. He gives a well rounded view of s*xual fantasies. Not just one side. I've recommended the book to other people because it is such a wealth of information.

Interesting.

I actually downloaded this thinking that I'd learn about the importance of communicating desires and/or something along those lines. I did, in a roundabout way. Groovy book regardless.

Your fantasies are normal

The stats on kinks and fantasies in Republicans vs. Democrats was very interesting, and I can see how this book could be beneficial for those who have a lot of shame around their fantasies.