• ADHD After Dark

  • Better Sex Life, Better Relationship
  • By: Ari Tuckman
  • Narrated by: Danny Hughes
  • Length: 12 hrs and 24 mins
  • 1.3 out of 5 stars (3 ratings)

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ADHD After Dark  By  cover art

ADHD After Dark

By: Ari Tuckman
Narrated by: Danny Hughes
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Publisher's summary

This pioneering book explores the impact of ADHD on a couple's sex life and relationship. It explains how a better sex life will benefit your relationship (and vice versa) and why that's especially important for couples with one partner with ADHD.

Grounded in innovative research, ADHD After Dark draws on data from a survey of over 3000 adults in a couple where one partner has ADHD. Written from the author's unique perspective as both an expert in ADHD and a certified sex therapist, the book describes the many effects of ADHD on couples' sex lives and happiness, covering areas such as negotiating sexual differences, performance problems, low desire, porn, making time for sex, infidelity, and more. The book outlines key principles for a great sex life for couples with ADHD and offers strategies and treatment interventions where specific issues arise.

Written in an accessible and entertaining style, ADHD After Dark offers clear information on sexuality and relationships and is full of valuable advice on how to improve both. This guide will be a must-listen for adults with ADHD, as well as their partners or spouses, and therapists who work with ADHD clients and couples.

©2020 Ari Tuckman (P)2023 Tantor

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A savagely basic book without stimulating insights

Context: I have ADHD, and I consume between 40-60 audiobooks a year. At its best parts, this book was boring and painful to get through. I found myself having to struggle to finish it, largely because there was no part in which there was an AHA moment, and a complete lack of stimulation. In its worst parts, tuckman displays a casual toxicity while handing out poor sex advice, such as when he suggests that if you don’t like the lube you bought because it irritates your skin, you should give it to someone you don’t like. Another wonderful tidbit - “[Unless you’re a teenager sneaking around, get yourself some grown up lube]”. I found myself shaking my head and wondering what would possess someone who knows about ADHD to actually give this advice to teenagers.

The author includes a lot of sex advice, some of which is decent but all of which is poorly presented. It seems to me that he wanted to write a book about sex to promote his other books, and encourage people to seek stimulant based treatment for their ADHD.

I was going to give this book two stars instead of one because Tuckman repeatedly suggested that someone struggling should seek a qualified therapist, and includes other tidbits that are technically correct. I changed my mind upon reflecting on the toxic parts.

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Takeaway: ADHD bad. Be less ADHD

The interminable, droning stats don’t lie: ADHD is bad for relationships, relationships are basis for sex, healthy sex is very important for mental health and wellbeing … Therefore, don’t have ADHD. You can completely ignore the banal, predictable “you have to …” and “you should/‘nt …” boilerplate therapist sayings because he doesn’t actually believe them. They have to be said. When you drill down into the findings its: don’t get into a relationship with someone who has ADHD because it’s just not going to work.

I came to this book looking for some hope. Now I’m despondent. So happy he was able to finagle a book from stats. :rolling_eyes:

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  • DS
  • 01-01-24

Boring Banal Bulls**t

After listening to a podcast featuring the author, I was excited to listen to this book. As someone with ADHD, and an aspiring sexuality educator, it seemed like it would be interesting, relevant, and perhaps even relatable…. Spoiler alert- it is none of these. I love research and statistics

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