The psychopath carefully selects the most indifferent and heartbreaking way imaginable to abandon you. They destroy you as a way to reassure themselves. But most importantly, they destroy you because they hate you. They despise your empathy and love, and to destroy you is to temporarily silence the nagging reminder of the emptiness that consumes their soul. Unbeknownst to both of you, this is the beginning of a great adventure....
Psychopath Free operates under the assumption that you are not defined by your pain, but instead by the subsequent choices you make along the way. The goal is to make the process a bit more holistic, to provide all the tools you'll need to find validation, self-respect, peace, and love. Psychopath Free will help you out of the darkness so that you can begin making better choices that will forever alter the course of your life.
So say farewell to love triangles, cryptic letters, self-doubt, and manufactured anxiety. You are no longer a pawn in the mind games of a psychopath. You are free.
©2015 Jackson MacKenzie (P)2015 Tantor
This is a must read at least on a monthly basis when the torment is new. Post a year re-read every year. And when the memories hurt - read again.
Most others explain it the same from a general standpoint. Psychopath Free was narrated as if my words were coming out of Shaun's mouth. And he spoke for me and understood me. My heart was his heart.
His ability to make me believe that Vilma is not an idiot/fool and that Vilma knows how to love even when nothing existed in Tony's soul & heart.
I grew up as a child in a silent family - my parent's marriage for convenience compounded by separation/cheating secrets. I married into a physically and emotionally abusive alcoholic hell componded with cheating for 13 years and then my second marriage to a psychopath (narcissist) - the worse of the three relationships. Tony left me in 2007, after 17 years and today I understand why and it wasn't about me. I have a young male son with him - sadly he has to live with this too.
I am 61 years old and I deserve better - I will find love. This book gave me a great foundation to one day love again and be loved back.
Anyone who has ever been victimized by a psycho/sociopath will immediately understand what is going on here. There are several useful books on this subject matter and many of these are cited in thiswork. However, this book does more than providing information. It provides solace. The tone is caring and sympathetic. There is an air of patience through reiteration of the same key concepts. The performance is wonderful as well. Shaun Grindell's voice is magnificent and he delivers the content expertly. In fact, I'm going to look for other works he has interpreted.
As I'll note in my full review below, this is a very empathic, kind, validating book for survivors.
Another book I recommend is Emotional Vampires, by Bernstein. That one is less of the validation and warmth of this book, but nonetheless, conveys very helpful information that may serve as a good compliment to this book.
I've never listened to this narrator before this book, but he has a very pleasant voice that is soothing, but (at least in my experince) doesn't put one to sleep.
This isn't really applicable.
Have you ever been in a relationship (romantic, parent-child, co-worker, friendship, ect.) with someone who quickly told you their whole sad life story, including/especially the horrific details of their last relationship, after you'd known them for almost no time at all, and seemed so innocent, vulnerable, and in need of support, only to turn around and devalue, cheat on, and/or compare you to other people in a way that felt uncomfortable or hurtful?
Maybe they praised you a lot, texted you a lot, invited you along a lot and then gave you the silent treatment when you didn't conform to their will. Or maybe they strung you along, flirting with you, dangling a relationship in front of you while hinting that they were seeing other people, comparing you to their ex, manipulating you to pay for dates, and then blaming you for feeling hurt and confused by their behavior.
Maybe they picked out your your replacement before breaking up with you, and then shamelessly plastered social media with their new perfect romantic adventure while you were left crying and trying to pick up the pieces.
If any of this is relatable, do yourself a favor and read this book. You may have been involved with one of several Cluster B personality disorders--Anti-social (which includes psychopathy and sociopathy--charming, attractive people without conscience who use and violate other people as a matter of routine practice), borderline personality (people with an unstable sense of self, a sort of missing piece inside, and who have intense and rapid mood swings, rage, may often engage in impulsive, damaging behaviors like suicidal gestures or self-mutilation), narcissistic personality (people who feel exceptionally special and entitled to special treatment, lack empathy, and withdraw or explode without sufficient/proper admiration/recognition or when called into question), and histrionic personality (flamboyant people with shallow emotions, and vague language, who throw around their sex appeal and see the world through rose-colored glasses, to the detriment of themselves and others).
Labels aside though, the outcome is the same--you are heartbroken and wondering what just happened. Maybe you question your own sanity.
Psychopath Free is for survivors of these toxic relationships. As someone who works in mental health and encounters survivors all the time, this is a highly valuable resource. This is not a technical book and doesn't claim to be--it's purely much needed empathy, validation, and kindness for survivors. In fact, I can honestly say that I think this is one of the most empathic, validating, and kind books I've read. Recovering from these relationships is a healing and grieving process that takes time. This book will help by informing and comforting you along the way. There will likely be a million little "a-ha" moments where those bewildering and painful experiences will start to make sense. You're not alone; you never were. The abuser perhaps isolated you temporarily, but there were always kind others out there who have also walked this road and come out on the other side as stronger people.
So I repeat, if you are a survivor of such a relationship--however long or short it was--please do yourself a kindness and read this book. If you feel the need to contact or apologize to that abuser, read this book. If you blame yourself, read this book. If you're confused and heartbroken, wondering what happened and where things went wrong, read this book.
Don't worry about trying to use your kindness and love to heal/fix your psychopathic/sociopathic, or borderline, or narcissistic, or histrionic ex. I promise no good will come of it. Leave that up to a professional, karma, God, the universe, or natural consequences. Not you. You deserve to be happy and loved, even if it's hard to believe sometimes--especially when it's hard to believe.
Find your own therapist who can help you through this (preferably one knowledgeable on emotional abuse and personality disorders); definitely one you like and connect with. If you fear you can't afford a therapist, call or email a therapist you might be interested in and ask about what's called a "sliding scale fee." We therapists often have a portion of our caseload that can't afford therapy but needs therapy nonetheless, so we do a sliding scale to help make that possible. We really do care; just ask. And if someone doesn't do sliding scale, they'll likely know someone else who does.
In the meantime though, again, this is an excellent resource. And there's an online community that goes with it on the books accompanying website--just do a search for the book's tile and you should find it.
Be kind to yourself.
This is the first I have read about, the aftermath of dating a disruptive person. It's the first I have heard the advice of letting the self blame go and realizing it was as bad as you think it was. Realizing that you are not the crazy one and that you aren't alone is so refreshing.
A must read for anyone and everyone ever in a relationship of any kind in which you were told you were crazy or a psycho by your partner. You may have been the victim of a Cluster B personality disorder. The author speaks from experience and offers insightful straightforward information. He is kind, empathetic and shares knowledge from the point of view only a fellow survivor can provide.
He offers hope by letting us know recovery is a true possibility and by sharing that you are not alone in the nightmare you have been (or are currently) living.
This book is very well written for anyone who feels as though they may have come in contact with a psychopath or with someone with personality disorders. I really didn't feel like anybody understood what I was going through until I read this book. I was not interested in being right or wrong I am interested in getting help to feel better. That is what I believe this book helped me do and I am looking forward to listening to it again. The website is a great resource as well.
This book is a must for the shattered soul that contains a comforting, soothing and friendly narration.
When you read a book that gives you so many AHA moments, you feel like the veil has been removed and a huge level of confirmation that you are not crazy. Reading this after years in a toxic relationship allows you to breath a little better.
Such a turning point read for me.
All the AHA moments.
the calming peaceful narration
Looking for more of this on a deeper level for self healing.
The best explanation ever written - Jackson can see me
and my in invisible scars. His book is ha my constant!!!
At last someone understands the hell I've lived through.
Narrator keeps you interested, stats and stories are great here. Definitely a healing step for anyone coming out of an abusive relationship
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