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Publisher's Summary

Some people are born boring. Some live boring. Some even die boring. Fred managed to do all three, and when he woke up as a vampire, he did so as a boring one.

Timid, socially awkward, and plagued by self-esteem issues, Fred has never been the adventurous sort. One fateful night - different from the night he died, which was more inconvenient than fateful - Fred reconnects with an old friend at his high school reunion. This rekindled relationship sets off a chain of events thrusting him right into the chaos of the parahuman world: a world with chipper zombies, truck driver wereponies, maniacal necromancers, ancient dragons, and now one undead accountant trying his best to "survive". Because even after it's over, life can still be a downright bloody mess.

©2014 Drew Hayes (P)2015 Tantor

What members say

Average Customer Ratings

Overall

  • 4.2 out of 5.0
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    1,931
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Performance

  • 4.4 out of 5.0
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Story

  • 4.1 out of 5.0
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Utterly Awesome!

I thought I had had just about enough of vampires. I've been doing the vampires thing since the early 90's with White Wolf games, and Ann Rice novels. I thought I had seen it all, and I was surely not going to be sucked in again. No, not me. No one else was going to beat that undead horse on my dime. Then Drew Hayes released a damn vampire book.

On the strength of his other titles, I eventually gave in and got it. It's not my favorite Drew Hayes novel, but it might be my favorite vampire novel.

Fred is a great character, easily fun enough to excuse his being a vampire, and his scooby gang of friends expands with each tale, and they are all really cool. Each of them shows off that Drew Hayes knew what he was doing, sucking us in the most tired, cliche of the big ticket monsters and then blowing socks off with his interesting take on the rest of the supernatural zoo.

23 of 24 people found this review helpful

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Stories are great, not crazy about the format

This book is deftly summed up by its title. The stories are pretty good. The premise is interesting, all the characters are great. There is also pretty good plot and character development despite one major flaw. This is essentially a collection of short stories in chronological order. This format is problematic because it interrupts the flow of the story. Additionally, you get a recap at the start of each story. This is the most annoying bit. Recaps are great when you waited a long time for the next installment to come out, but when you are listening to them consistently and consecutively, the recaps get a little tedious. Otherwise it's great. Despite this, I will probably pick up the next installment when it comes out on audible. It wasn't enough to turn me off completely. If the next one is like this, however, I may not continue. Kirby Heyborne is spot on in his narration, no problems there.

90 of 99 people found this review helpful

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Loved the title...but this was riveting...

I almost didn't get this book. I listened to NPCs and found it clever and fun and that brought this one on my radar. The title sounded amusing, but it also sounded like one of those stories that would lag after the initial idea wore thin (a Vampire Accountant). But the author did a good job of continually adding a colorful cast that kept it fresh. Plus Fred the vampire stays true to his mild mannered roots and never loses his appeal. The author stays away from the temptation of turning Freddy into a badass and making him like every other vampire anti hero out there. If you have a sense of humor you will enjoy.

62 of 69 people found this review helpful

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  • K
  • 08-06-15

A light, humorous detour through the paranormal

Fred, the Vampire Accountant reads more like a collection of short stories, or perhaps it would be better compared to a television series. The characters are an interesting lovable bunch, and it plays like a series with everything wrapping up at the end of each tale, but with tidbits hinting at a long overarching story. I don't think it will ever win any awards for complexity, but Fred, the Vampire Accountant is a pleasant listen that will make you laugh. There seems to be plenty of set-up for a second volume, and I enjoyed this one enough to look forward to a sequel. As a final note, I will say Kirby Heyborne (the Narrator) seemed especially well suited for the main character.

19 of 22 people found this review helpful

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Friendly Fred's Diary

When Fred, a quiet and somewhat anti-social CPA, unexpectedly becomes a vampire he expected to have the dramatic and sexy life that vampires in movies get, but he wasn't so lucky, or was he? Each tale of Fred's life is told via Fred's diary.journal entries, sometimes with the assistance of other people in his life.

I thought this was a lighthearted easy listen. You get to enjoy a new perspective on being a vampire that is less scandalized then the usual way they are portrayed. The only problem that I really had with this story, was that each story started by reiterating the same information (i.e. how he's now a vampire, and an accountant). This allows each story to stand alone, but is slightly less appealing when listening to them all consecutively.

8 of 9 people found this review helpful

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  • Dubi
  • New York, NY
  • 09-27-15

Utterly Unnecessary

If I was a writer (check) and I'd been quoted as listing Christopher Moore as one of my favorite authors (check) and I'd presumably read his Bloodsucking Fiends trilogy about ordinary geeks who become vampires (check) and I had an idea to write a book about ordinary geeks who become vampires, the very next thought to enter my head would be, "Wait, Chris Moore has already nailed that one, I better think of something else."

Not Drew Hayes. Frustrated with books about ordinary geeks gaining superpowers and turning into the "baddest mofos in history" (to quote Drew), he figured he would write a book where they remain ordinary geeks even with their mofo superpowers. Except that a) Moore, one of Drew's avowed favorites, has done exactly that many times over, with a better sense of humor and infinitely more literary panache, and b) Fred may insist he's still an ordinary geek, but he uses his newfound superpowers to kick butt in every chapter (see other reviews re: why Hayes's chapters don't hold together).

And it's not just Chris Moore. Lee Martinez has worked this formula repeatedly with great success. The key is to add something fresh to a genre, even if that something is just a new or better set of jokes or characters. Unfortunately, Hayes has been unsuccessful in that respect. If you're considering a listen, do yourself a huge favor and get Moore or Martinez -- especially in audio, their narrators enahncing their writing with perfect comic timing.

8 of 9 people found this review helpful

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  • Diana
  • Antelope Valley, CA, United States
  • 03-09-15

Entertaining, story of a mild-mannered vampire

that wears sweaters and loafers.

This is, apparently and confusingly, a set of stories in series, that adds characters with each episode and spends some time reviewing and reintroducing and reminding the reader (listener) about previous events. The author and editor would have done well to just smooth all that out - it would work fine for "story time" at a school, but is annoying for an adult reader.

And, there is another bit of confusion here. The story could easily be made for children or young adults, except there is a bit of adult language in there, and at the end of the last story the author (as if afraid this was going to end up being a children's book) was heavy handed with foul language.

The characters Drew Hayes created are wonderfully imaginative and very 3-D, described in detail and with interesting personalities, gifts, and histories. The plot is adequate in getting the characters out and about and into and out of situations and interacting with each other.

It's almost as if these stories were published before they were given more time and effort and with a couple more drafts of work by the author with a good editor demanding *more!* this would have been a great book.

It was still enjoyable, even though flawed. Entertaining, and unfortunately due to the language, not recommended for kids.

34 of 41 people found this review helpful

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Tons of Fun

A fun tale about Fred the boring vampire accountant is anything but. Mild mannered Fred finds himself caught up in adventure after adventure which he and his friends escape allowing himself to learn more about himself, his friends and his own undead condition. The characters are great and his is a fun listen sure to make even the coldest of undead hearts feel a bit warmer.

Mr. Heyborne does a great job with the characters and his soft mild mannerness as Fred is perfect for the added enjoyment of this story.

3 of 3 people found this review helpful

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another great story from Drew Hayes

I love the way Drew Hayes plays with commonplace ideas and notions and turns them around in a most enjoyable way. The narrator was perfect for Fred as well.

15 of 18 people found this review helpful

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Just your friendly neighborhood bloodsucker

We are given characters that are genuine, an original take on the urban fantasy and overall heartfelt stories.

Fred is fresh take on the cliche vampire badass. He might be a vampire but he is still a mild-mannered accountant. He is a coward and yet he still manages to brave when the chips are down.

This is a series of stories that introduces a new character in each story and each one is awesome!!!

From Krystal his high school best friend to his zombie assistant Albert to the werepony Bubba.

Drew Hayes has my deepest respect this is a fun easy listen that well worth your money or credit

25 of 31 people found this review helpful

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  • Cam
  • 05-15-16

The funniest accountant ever written

Despite the title, this is a highly amusing little tale about 'Fred the Vampire', a rather unfortunate accountant who finds himself dealing with situations that he is rather less than thrilled or equipped to encounter. A delightfully funny and light-hearted story matched perfectly by Mr Heyborn's narration. Certainly one for the bookshelf.

4 of 4 people found this review helpful

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  • ubaidu
  • 08-08-16

really very interesting

should be noted that this is a collection of short continuous stories which can get annoying since there are recaps at the beginning of each story once you get past that though what you have is an interesting, funny and charming story with lots of cool lore highly recommend

2 of 2 people found this review helpful

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  • Ran
  • 11-24-17

Book resurrected my interest in Vampires

Not a big fan of Ann Rice vampires, even less of a fan of... those books who shall not be names. You know the ones... "Still a better love story then..."

This one is a breath of fresh air in a somewhat trope-overdosed genre. Would recommend to anyone with a sense of humor, there were a few moments in this that actually made me laugh out loud.

My only point of criticism is the somewhat frequent re-introduction after each case. I doubt any of the readers have such a low attention spam, so I find it very odd the author wrote it like that. Maybe it was supposed to be a collection of short stories originally... As you see, I am nitpicking, its THAT good. Buy it you stupid mortals!

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  • Kevin Boone
  • 11-07-17

A bit of harmless fun

I can't imagine it will win any major literary awards, but Fred the Vampire Accountant is a pleasant enough read/listen, so long as you aren't expecting Dickensian social commentary or even three-dimensional characters. Like NPCs, Fred frequently makes good-natured fun of people who play role-playing games but, unlike NPCs, Fred doesn't have the same philosophical insight. Although the book is a continuous narrative in one sense, it is divided into separate chapters that could almost stand alone. This leads to a certain amount of repetition.

Fred is competently read, although the voice of Fred because decreasingly nerdy over time -- I have no idea whether this is intentional or not.

Fred was worth spending a few hours, but I'm not sure I will be buying the other titles in the series.

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  • BJXRN
  • 06-22-17

Very apt title

What did you like best about The Utterly Uninteresting and Unadventurous Tales of Fred, the Vampire Accountant? What did you like least?

Best:* Good language* No crude humor or content* Interesting title.Least:* There is no overarching story. Just a set of disjointed episodes.* The "episodes" I find largely unengaging.* The title suits the book, I feel.

Would you ever listen to anything by Drew Hayes again?

No

What three words best describe Kirby Heyborne’s performance?

Matches the voice our mostly wimpy hero would have quite well.

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  • Michael
  • 04-23-17

Fantastic

Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?

Definitely, if they were into sci-fi/horror and comedy.

What was one of the most memorable moments of The Utterly Uninteresting and Unadventurous Tales of Fred, the Vampire Accountant?

Without wanting to spoil anything.... would have to be the story where he takes down the necromancer cosplayer!

What does Kirby Heyborne bring to the story that you wouldn’t experience if you had only read the book?

Without trying too much (as in, overplaying it to the point of cringeworthiness), he clearly separated the characters' voices and emoted well.

Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

Yes, if I had the time!

Any additional comments?

Just an all-round meta-humorous take on the modern vampire story. Really funny in a dry way. Interesting characters and great world-building.

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  • Ian
  • 01-24-17

Shaping up to be a Great series

Would you try another book written by Drew Hayes or narrated by Kirby Heyborne?

Yes, the writer is amazing. The stories are very indepth and makes you fall in love or hate with the characters (Based on multiple books not just this one)<br/><br/>

Do you think The Utterly Uninteresting and Unadventurous Tales of Fred, the Vampire Accountant needs a follow-up book? Why or why not?

Already has and hopefully it will be longer and not leaving you hanging too much

Any additional comments?

This book is a great start to the series, based on other books I felt that this was a longer book cut into chunks. Would have prefered id to had been longer the 8 Hours seems flow nicely but the end seems to be rushed where they cut it to make way for the new book

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  • madeline
  • 01-20-17

Ok

It's ok, a bit predictable and repetitive
Only "strong" female Character has no real development and is just a "prize" for the main character and is only "strong" to make her a a better prize

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  • Jonathan Crane
  • 01-19-17

fantastic series of short stories

love the idea, I was kind of sceptical going in now I really love it. will be recommending this one to mates