Talk to Me Like I'm Someone You Love, Revised Edition

Relationship Repair in a Flash

By: Nancy Dreyfus PsyD

Narrated by: Gabra Zackman

Length: 5 hrs and 7 mins

Publisher's Summary

Talk to Me Like I'm Someone You Love is a brilliant interactive relationship tool that can help couples stop arguing and begin healing. Couples therapist Nancy Dreyfus hit upon this revolutionary practice during a particularly angry couples-therapy session in which a wife's unrelenting criticism of her husband was making him more and more emotionally withdrawn. Suddenly, Dreyfus found herself scribbling on a scrap of paper, "Talk to me like I'm someone you love," and gesturing to the husband that he should hold it up. He did, and within seconds, the familiar power differential between the two shifted, and a gentler, more genuine connection emerged.

This revised edition features two new sections—one on making love and another on deepening trust—containing over twenty-five statements that hold the power to express what we wish we could say to the person we love but for which we can't find either the right words or the right tone in which to say them. Each of the statements in this book is accompanied by "field notes" from the author that explain when, why, and how to use the statement, as well as real-life stories from the author's practice.

©1993, 2009, 2013 Nancy Dreyfus (P)2021 HighBridge, a division of Recorded Books

Is there a companion PDF with the flashcards one could print?

I am loving this but would feel it can only be beneficial in my relationship if I had the printable cards.

The Missing Component Finally Simply Explained…

For most of my adult life I’d been searching to better understand what had been missing from my failed relationships. It wasn’t until I LISTENED to Dr. Dreyfus’s book on AUDIO that I really got just how simple it would have been to work through so many easily repaired ruptures in my relationships had I read “Talk to Me Like I’m Someone You Love,” earlier in my life.

The concepts were so easy to grasp and implement, it’s not Rocket Science, all it required was me just doing it! Day by Day, moment by moment I started feeling heard, seen and felt by those most important to me. It’s like I had a magic wand, but all I had newly acquired was a more authentic way of sharing what I was feeling, so I could be more easily heard.

I’m eternally grateful to Dr. Dreyfus for providing me the missing components, and explaining it in a way I could implement her concepts into my everyday speech and way of being.

I’ve become a much better listener, mother, sister, aunt, and friend since LISTENING “Talk to Me Like I’m Someone You Love.”

LISTENING to this book on AUDIO was the very best, and most long lasting gift I could have given myself.

A massive sales pitch for the flash card deck

The book should have been titled “my flash card deck explained” or only sold as an adjunct to the card deck as that is all this book is. I did not buy the cards just the book and I feel it was a waste.

I wish this was actually realistic.

the use of the communication method in this book sounds great on paper but wouldn't work for conflict in a real relationship that isn't as clinical as this author imagines. I feel like even picking up these cards during a confrontation and then flipping through the stack for the one your looking for while your partner is standing there looking at you like "are you fucking kidding me you need a card to talk to me. Fuck those cards! " I know that in my relationship at least after having used these once it would be an instant firestarter definitely not realistic.

The book you NEED for s relationship overhaul

This book taught me that at the heart of each relationship there is (or should be) love. And it gave me the vocabulary I needed to talk to my loved ones with warmth, compassion, and truth. It’s not just a collection of “quotes” or nice sentences. It’s a whole worldview summarized through pointed snippets of conversation that will make you a better partner, lover, and human being.

The blend of insight + actionable advice is like no other relationship book I’ve ever read (and I’ve read many!).

Highly recommended!

Life changing book!

This book helped me show up for myself so I could better show up for my partner, and totally changed the way I understand my relationships. Sometimes words are hard to access when you’re in a heightened state, and this book has been an amazing tool to navigate those difficult situations. A great read and crucial tool for your relational toolbox.

Oh So Worth it!

This is a lifeline for any relationship struggling to communicate effectively. I was blown away how articulate and insightful she covered so many touchy and tricky situations. Bravo, Nancy!

Become fluent in healthy relationship speak

Have you ever benefited from listening to a course on learning a new language? The audio version of Nancy Dreyfus's brilliant book is just like that--it's an audio lesson in learning a new language. 

But instead of learning to ask for directions or order food in a foreign country, this is about learning how to speak in the way that you would if you had an embodied sense of self worth in your romantic relationship. For those of us whose mother tongue did not include a loving way to express being a stand for yourself while also being a stand for intimacy, this book is a must. 

A thousand thank you's, Nancy Dreyfus, for putting into such simple and accessible words exactly what I've always longed to say but couldn't find the words for. I don't know a single person who couldn't benefit from being fluent in what you've shared.

Ridiculous flash card premise

Adults using flashcards doesn’t make much sense. It is a kin to being burgled and asking the burglar to wait while you go find a weapon to defend yourself with.

Wasn’t what I expected

Was a good book, probably better not be as a hard copy. I’ll probably listen again to give it another chance.