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When tough-talking biker babe Jane Carver accidentally deals a death blow to the unfortunate guy who gropes her outside a California biker bar, she makes a run for it - and wakes up naked on an alien planet called Waar. Thus begins Nathan Long's Jane Carver of Waar: Waar, Book 1, a hilarious satire on the ribald, retro space fantasies of the 20th century. Soon, Jane's hopelessly wrapped up in bizarre adventures on this planet of sky-pirates and gladiators, including a bid to help a fallen nobleman win back his sexy space princess. Listeners will be bewitched by actress Dina Pearlman's portrayal of Jane, whose Marlboro-cured voice and confident panache makes her swashbuckling space adventures a delightful listen.
Jane Carver is nobody's idea of a space princess. A hard-ridin', hard-lovin' biker chick and ex-Airborne Ranger, Jane is as surprised as anyone else when, on the run from the law, she ducks into the wrong cave at the wrong time - and wakes up butt-naked on an exotic alien planet light-years away from everything she's ever known. Waar is a savage world of four-armed tiger-men, sky-pirates, slaves, gladiators, and purple-skinned warriors in thrall to a bloodthirsty code of honor and chivalry. Caught up in a disgraced nobleman's quest to win back the hand of a sexy alien princess, Jane encounters bizarre wonders and dangers unlike anything she ever ran into back home. Then again, Waar has never seen anyone like Jane before.
Both a loving tribute and scathing parody of the swashbuckling space fantasies of yore, Jane Carver of Waar introduces an unforgettable new science-fiction heroine. Nathan Long is a screen and prose writer with two movies, a Saturday-morning adventure series, and several TV episodes to his name. His official website is: www.sabrepunk.com.
SOMEBODY HIT ME WITH A BUILDING
This is one excellent book. Most of the book is hilarious. It is entertaining from start to finish. Not once did I go BACK AND FORTH ON IT SO MUCH IT MADE A TRENCH IN MY BRAIN.
Even if you have not read Princess of Mars, you will love this book, but if you have read it, then it will be even funnier. Besides being funny, it is adventurous, smart and fast paced. Toward the end of the book, it does become a little dark. Long's writing is so good and your investment in the main character is so strong that you will feel her pain. I am an old pervert, but the scene where she is manhandled in front of a crowd, had me spitting nails. She gets angry, but must hold it in and your HEART WILL THUMP LIKE A FROG IN A BREAD BOX. I think my face got red. The main character is a 6ft tall biker chick, who has had run ins with the law. When she says AS SMUG AS A GEORGIA STATE TROOPER or OUR CABIN WAS AS SMALL AS AN ARKANSAS JAIL CELL, she is speaking from experience. Yet, she has morals and she has humility. She is loaded with humility and you will want her to win. There is a plot and twists. Just when think things are going alright, something will happen to make life more complicated.
HEAVEN IS AN ETERNAL BLOW JOB
There is some sex in the story, mostly toward the end, but it is all necessary to the story. Matter of fact you will be routing for the main character to get laid. Long's sexual descriptions of the characters leaves enough for your imagination. He mentions the men wearing these male stripper type loin clothes and that their was no mistake that they were male and that is it. A female pirate is flat chested, but has a behind that would make Lopez look flat and the pirate wears tight leggings. That is all that is said and you can fill in the rest. Their are two characters that swing both ways.
LAYING ON THE CHARM WITH A TROWEL
Long's descriptive language is pop culture and constant. I don't know how this will play out one hundred years from now, but for me now, it does a great job of setting the scene without long flowery, put you to sleep language. Here are just some of the examples: A PEPSI BLUE SKY. A SUSHI SUNRISE, RAW AND PINK. HIS FACE SAGGED LIKE SOMEONE PULLED THE BONES OUT OF IT. THE WHISPERING SOUNDED LIKE A HUNDRED SKILLETS FRYING BACON. SAI LOOKED AS RELIEVED AS A GUY FINDING OUT IT'S NOT HERPES AFTER ALL. HE WAS FROWNING LIKE A CHEERLEADER TAKING A MATH TEST. If someone tells you it was A PEPSI BLUE SKY, can you not quick and easily picture that in your head?
THERE'S NOTHING LIKE A CHURCH TO F/U A GOOD RELIGION.
Long makes some quick political jabs, that may go over some heads. He does not drone or speechify on any of it. It is quick and over. He made either one or two statements that were anti-gun. Quick and easy, no pain. I loved this book and will get the sequel and look for more from this author.
Pearlman is a professional and does a five star performance. I do have to mention, that I had just finished listening to Ray Porter do a Joe ledger book and felt Pearlman could work on her timing just a little. This is such a unique book and unique female character, that she could not have had much practice doing this type of book. The female lead in this book, is very similar to Joe Ledger and makes the same type of jokes.
16 of 16 people found this review helpful
IN A NUTSHELL: I tend to judge books based on how they make me feel and I had a GREAT time listening to this audio book. Jane Carver is a tall red-haired muscled bad ass biker chick with a potty mouth, a brave/impulsive heart and I have a crush on her. The world-building was solid, the story and plot exciting and easy to follow with descriptions vivid enough that I had no problems picturing the planet WAAR and all of it's inhabitants. Did I mention how funny it was?
SUMMARY: Jane rebuffs this drunk a-hole at the bar and when she leaves he follows her. He gropes her while she's trying to get on her bike. She sees red and punches out at him. He stumbles, so instead of hitting his face she punches him in the neck, HARD..and he dies. Witnesses catch the tale end of it and think she just killed him. She takes off, with the cops chasing her and ends up running into a cave to escape. She ends up traveling to another planet/world after touching a glowing stone she saw in the cave.
Her adventure is epic and HILARIOUS as she tries to help the first creature she found. He's a prince. He's human except for his purple skin, but there are other not so human creatures around. Danger around every corner; mostly because this spoiled Prince she's trying to help has a sense of honor that belies common sense and the princess she's trying to help him save is a nitwit as well. The first of which is them being captures and enslaved by tiger-like creatures.
So much happened that I felt like I should be taking notes, but I don't want to spoil anything. This book is a parody based on Edgar Rice Burrough's "A Princess of Mars", which I haven't read and is supposed to be a classic. I'll read that after I finish the 2nd book of Jane's adventures.
THE NARRATOR: Dina Pearlman is my favorite narrator. I stumbled upon this book because I'll listen to anything that she narrates. She does her best work when narrating a sassy, funny character and Jane Carver fits the bill. Dina nails Jane's humor and sarcasm and all the comedic situations that she gets into on Waar. You never had any trouble figuring out who is who and her male and female characters BOTH are right on target and believable.
13 of 13 people found this review helpful
Glorious low brow adventure. That might not be enough for some but Dina Pearlman isn't just narrating the story of a big, biker chick caught up in fantastical Flash Gordon sci fi adventures, she bloody well sounds like one. Her performance sounds so beautifully in character that the book could get by with just a so-so story rather than the very charming, trope nostalgic and clever one that it is.
The author does very well in writing a female adventure protagonist that doesn't just come off as just a guy with boobs. Not too feminine, not too manly, very... American Biker Amazon but not a butch one. All very down to earth and free of high minded idealism or grim/dark villainy, definitely a grinning popcorn flick.
Follows a single perspective throughout so if you need a break from constant character hopping ala Game of Thrones, bonus. Also taught me what the "phone book trick" means in police speak. Learn something new every day.
11 of 11 people found this review helpful
There are two groups of readers for this book: those who have read Edgar Rice Burroughs' A Princess of Mars, and those who haven't.
If you haven't... then you may or may not like this book, depending on your tolerance for old-school sci-fi adventure tales. Because Jane Carver of Waar is not even a little bit subtle about the material it's imitating: it's quintessential "high concept" science fiction, that concept being: what if John Carter was a chick? And of course, if you have no familiarity with the Confederate-gentleman-turned-warlord-of-Mars, then Jane Carver has to stand on her own and you're not going to get a lot of the jokes. That said, it's fun and fast-paced and Jane is kind of awesome in a ridiculous pulp fiction way, but you're only going to love it if you can get into planetary romances with swashbuckling sky pirates and alien hotties wearing nothing but jewel-encrusted dental floss.
There is, however, a modern sensibility to this novel: Jane gets to team up with a couple of mostly-naked princes — to her immense gratification, Waarian men wear as little as the women. And Jane is an unabashedly lusty lass (and for all that, it takes her quite a while to get some).
If you have read the Barsoom books — well, then, this book is a treat. There's always a risk in reading something that is a parody/"tribute" to a classic work: either it will be too earnest and just read like a cheap knock-off, or it will be too acerbic in its satire, or even mocking, as if to make readers who love the original, however cheesy it may be, feel like saps. (Lev Grossman's "The Magicians" is one of the biggest offenders in that regard.)
Jane Carver of Waar is a shameless imitation, but it's a loving one. Jane, an ex-Airborne Ranger biker chick, gets popped off to "Waar" through a magic cave in just the same way John Carter went to Mars, and the adventures that follow are pretty much a mirror of those of everyone's favorite Virginian. The "Orans" are purple instead of red, and instead of initially being captured by green-skinned Tharks, Jane is captured by tiger-centaur Aarurrhs. Exactly like John Carter, Jane finds that Waar's lower gravity gives her superhuman strength and the ability to leap great distances.
There are some divergences because of Jane's sex. She doesn't have a princess to rescue: instead, she befriends a hapless Oran prince named Sai, whose beloved Wen-Jhai was bride-napped by another Oran noble. Sai is honor-bound to meet the dastard's challenge and steal his fiancee back; the only problem is, the other guy is one of the greatest swordsmen on the planet, and Sai is, well, kind of a wimp. And a coward. They make a cute couple, and when Sai's best friend, Lan, joins in the fun, the three of them go from one adventure and narrow escape to another in pursuit of Wen-Jhai.
Jane, being a woman, notices all the sexism that John Carter didn't see fit to comment on in his own adventure, and has great fun shocking and scandalizing everyone from the Orans to the Aarurrh. She's a crude, brazen Valkyrie, but she also gets her butt kicked fairly regularly. Her adventures are perfectly in keeping with the Edgar Rice Burroughs tradition, but told with a 21st century viewpoint.
Edgar Rice Burroughs fans can read this book without fear that it's making fun of our beloved John Carter. It's almost a worthy "sequel" to the Barsoom series. If you haven't read the originals, though, you may well find this book fun, but I'd really recommend reading A Princess of Mars first so you'll catch all the references and winks.
10 of 10 people found this review helpful
Any additional comments?
This book is like a knockoff of "John Carter Of Mars" but it is a VERY GOOD knockoff. The main character feels real and her choices feel more real. Its also more edgey and modern than John Carter which may make it easier to read because of the generation gap. The next book is already out in print and I hope audible will have it soon.
10 of 10 people found this review helpful
IF you delight in the more lurid strain of fantasy lit and are not put off by exuberant sexuality and the lingua franca of the average biker gang; if, in other words, your sensibilities are not delicate or dainty or sometimes even sensible, you are likely to have a great time reveling in the unlikely exploits of the irrepressible Jane Carver as she cuts (literally) a broad and sometimes bloody swath across the planet Waar. If you also happen to have fond memories of Burroughs' fantasy Mars books, you have a real treat in store. You are likely to laugh a good deal and exult in the triumph of all the virtues you hold most dear. Escapist literature in its purest form written with real skill. Enjoy!
9 of 9 people found this review helpful
haha... what a pleasant surprise! I haven't read Burrough's book, of which, apparently, this story is reminiscent. I don't know that I will now either - I really like the female main character and am pretty sure that if there was a male character acting and talking the way Jane does, it would drive me nuts. Sexism and women as objects is much more acceptable when it is turned on its head. Jane being the way she is mocks all those stories where the woman is there just to be rescued and as a sexual prize.
And the story is funny! Of course the setting and characters are a little on the thin side...but it is a pulp sci-fi story after all.
It was a bit formulaic in the plotting: character goes to A, does X, then to B and does Y, etc... but the humor and the freshness of Jane's non-feminine and yet still female attitudes more than made up for any sense of writing 101. There was just a tiny bit of moralizing - mostly to do with gender stereotypes - which was more entertaining than lecture-y. I bought the next book too.
There is no sex, the violence is not graphic, and... Well, I forget if there was any swearing, I don't think there was though. The narration is very good.
16 of 17 people found this review helpful
This was a surprisingly good book that I thoroughly enjoyed.
The author authentically captures the perspective of a tough woman (ex-Army Ranger and self-proclaimed big biker chick), who by chance is swept through a portal to the feudalistic world of Waar where she survives one hair raising adventure after another. Throughout it all she manages to maintain a hilarious, gritty and often sarcastic inner voice full of off-the-wall similes that cracked me up.
The narrator not only captures the voice of this tough biker chick, she manages to distinguish the voices of the other characters so that it was easy to listen to the story and keep everything straight.
All and all this is
6 of 6 people found this review helpful
This is so much like Edgar Rice Burroughs' John Carver on Mars series, but MUCH better! Jane is a modern woman, and one tough babe. Her adventures on an alien world will keep you listening with fascination and laughing out loud. I'm looking forward to seeing the next book on Audible.
5 of 5 people found this review helpful
What happens to bike chicks, who are former Airborne, who get transported to a planet with low gravity? This story is part Biker Chick, and part Chivalry, and has 6 legged purple leopard people!
First this is an adult adventure - not even close to PG-13. My goodness it is narrated in the 1st person by a that Airborne trained biker chick. Lots a crazy wild sexual thoughts and plenty of sexual action. She is hard to control as she is tough, well-trained and because of the low gravity, she can jump straight up several stories.
Lots of fun adventures at an incredible pace. The pace is truly amazing -- you have to keep up. It was one GREAT FUN SCI-FI book that uses only a little sci-fi and instead uses well-developed characters from another world to carry it along.
Just be warned, it contains hard-care vulgarity in spots. But in trade you get fantastic characters that amazingly face-paced story!
10 of 11 people found this review helpful
Where does Jane Carver of Waar rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?
This was a very enjoyable book, lots of pop-culture references and classic Sci-Fi tropes to wade through.
What other book might you compare Jane Carver of Waar to, and why?
The feel of John Carter with the kick-arse of Jayne Yellowrock (Skinwalker series)
What about Dina Pearlman’s performance did you like?
Her characterisation of Jay-en was wonderfully rough and down to earth.
If you made a film of this book, what would be the tag line be?
Biker chic becomes Red Sonja of Mars
Any additional comments?
Had a lot of fun with this book that I HAD to get the second one right away to find out what happened next with the Red headed demon of Waar.