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Publisher's Summary

Are you too nice?

If you find it hard to be assertive, directly ask for what you want, or say "no" to others, then you just might be suffering from too much niceness.

In this controversial book, world-renowned confidence expert, Dr. Aziz Gazipura, takes an incisive look at the concept of nice. Through his typical style, Dr. Aziz uses engaging stories, humor, and disarming vulnerability to cut through the nice conditioning and liberate the most bold, expressive, authentic version of you.

You'll discover how to:

  • Easily say "no" when you want to and need to
  • Confidently and effectively ask for what you want
  • Speak up more freely in all your relationships
  • Eliminate feelings of guilt, anxiety, and worry about what others will think
©2017 Dr. Aziz Gazipura, PsyD (P)2017 Dr. Aziz Gazipura, PsyD

What listeners say about Not Nice

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Life Changing

There have been very few books that have changed my life and this is one of them. I am an old guy and if something like this was available to me when I was young I would have avoided decades of torment. Thank you Aziz for making a difference in me.

43 people found this helpful

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Better than excellent!

I never leave reviews, but this goes to show you what a great impact this book had on me .

Very good, I learned a lot from this book, more so than any other book I've ever read.

I even created my Bill of Rights and I live by those. it is my great pleasure to recommend this book and its author.

41 people found this helpful

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Lots of annoying self-promotion

Makes an okay argument for avoiding the trap of being a people pleaser... could've achieved the same thing in half the time though... tons of shameless self promotion... kept thinking that it was really annoying how the author was trying to tell me what to think about the book i.e. that its awesome and what its teaching is amazing and will change my life... instead of just leaving me to draw my own conclusions about

10 people found this helpful

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Long and very helpful!

I listened to the entire book . . . OmG like 18 hours and did about half of the exercises. I really believe that Dr. Aziz put his heart and soul into this book, to help the reader become a more confident and authentic human being.

10 people found this helpful

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Changed my life forever

You know its gonna be a good review whenever you see "I USUALLY DONT LEAVE REVIEWS BUT..."
Well this is one of those.

How was this book?
Short answer: Life-changing

Long answer: I've struggled with people pleasing, anxiety, low self esteem, and stuttering my whole life. I wanted to please everyone. Say yes to everyone. Say yes to nobody. Everybody else came before me. Someone asks me to help them move? HOW could I POSSIBLE say no? Because if I say no, then they won't like me any more right?
This is such a poisonous mindset, and this book REALLY elaborates on that.
In the first chapter, he tells you that his goal is for you to eventually see the term "Nice guy" and think of that as a terrible disgusting thing that you would never ever want to be. His goal was definitely accomplished by the end of that book. I was the biggest nice-guy/push-over that I knew. Everywhere. Work, school, relationships, you name it.
I have been completely transformed.
I see the words "nice-guy" and it induces nausea and repulsion. Ok maybe not to that extent. But I definitely don't see "nice-guy" the same as I used to. Not at all.

I can honestly say without a doubt, that I am now the MOST assertive person I know, and I mean that with all the honesty in my heart. I feel powerful, in control, less anxious, happier, and I even stutter less lol.
This book gives you a new pair of eyes that you can never close. You see things you never saw before. You realize just how much people apologize for ANYTHING that doesn't warrant an apology.

Example #1:
-I accidentally brush up against someones shoulder while walking in a hallway-

Old me: Sorry about that

New me: *silence*

What the hell do I have to apologize about? I didn't do ANYTHING wrong.

Example #2:
-A friend asks me to help them move-

Old me: I would love to! and you know I would! its just [I am now lying...] its just I have to take care of this thing at 5pm and I can't push it back any further.. Man this sucks, because I totally would help you move, I just can't today.

New me: I'll pass actually, I'm tired and I really just wanted to relax today.

This is now how I actually respond to requests like this.

I never thought I could be capable of being so assertive, confident, and in control. I used to come across obviously assertive people and be jealous, even resentful toward them because I wished I could be like them. I wished I could have their confidence.
I now consider myself to be more assertive than the most assertive person I've ever met. Those people who I used to be jealous of? I don't consider them to be as assertive as I am now. My family and friends notice that radical change. I make saying no look easy.
And it is honestly VERY easy now. I now say no to people with no guilt. This book teaches you how to do that.

BUT WARNING:
The steps in becoming this way are VERY uncomfortable at first. Dr.Aziz gives you all the steps you need and outlines all the exercises for you, but you HAVE to do them in order to change. There's no other way. You can't just read this book and become transformed. Not gonna happen.
The only way to become the assertive person that you want to be is by DOING it. Follow the steps. They are SO UNCOMFORTABLE AT FIRST. But it really does get easier with time.
The first exercise, when I did it, I was so incredibly uncomfortable I wanted to hide lol. Now looking back, doing that exercise again seems effortless to me now.
But that's just the thing, you NEED to be willing to go through the discomfort. If you're not willing to do that, don't by this book. Honestly. But if you're willing to go through the discomfort, this book will absolutely change your life forever.

This book as made me incredibly assertive, REALLY spiked my confidence, lowered my anxiety, and even lessened my stuttering. And it goes away more and more every day.

If there is one thing in my entire life I could change, it would be reading this book much earlier in my life.

70 people found this helpful

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Life Changing

You can be a kind person, but that doesn't mean you should be a 'nice person'. If you would like to understand this then read/listen to this book. It will change your life.

8 people found this helpful

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great addition to my library

this book was written for me
I am a "nice guy"
now starting my recovery
I am using this book as my go to book
and immediately seeing great results

Thank You
Dr Aziz

7 people found this helpful

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This book isn’t in order!!!

The chapters don’t show up and they are OUT OF ORDER! Fix this please! Loved the book hate how horribly audible is executed for all the books I buy!

17 people found this helpful

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Great insight

I love the message and the content , delivery is also excellent .
Just PLEASE stop teaching people to make lines stop at cashier registers and food places .
We all want to be somewhere . No need to create more asshats than there already are out there .
Facepalm

4 people found this helpful

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Hated it

I didn’t like this book at all. Waste of time, teaches you to be a jerk.

4 people found this helpful

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  • Julia
  • 03-02-20

Helpful book, content and narration

I started to listen to this book after working with a difficult supervisor that led me to quit. I did good by quitting but I wish I could have been more confident and speak up without feeling guilty to higher authorities without feeling guilty or bad beforehand. Also I wanted to make sure I prevented the bad habit of adapting and caring for other needs and feelings without prioritizing my own, and accepting situations and behavior I did not like to try to keep things nice. I think this in particular contributed to my stomach pain. This book is very holisitic and touches on all these aspects, with a authentic and engaging narration. I am working on these aspects with this book and I am starting to see some progress, although it is uncomfortable along the way. I know that with time it will become less uncomfortable and more fulfilling and lead to a healthier life. Thank you!

3 people found this helpful

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  • Anonymous User
  • 02-21-20

Excellently read and so insightful

I keep trying to like audiobooks but I find the narrators annoying after a while and I turn off. Not Dr Aziz. You can tell he is ‘reading’ the text but he also ad-libs and inserts tone and words that add to the natural flow of the narration.

The content is so insightful. I have actually bought the hard copy too so I can read it and do the tasks when I’m not driving to work!

Excellent!

3 people found this helpful

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  • Ann
  • 05-21-20

Not Nice

excellent book, read, repeat and practice. again and again and again.
refresh your doubts and be kind to yourself.

2 people found this helpful

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  • Bex
  • 02-11-19

Super practical

Great examples for practical application and raising awareness of when you're being 'too nice'
The hard copy is beneficial to have to ensure you can do the exercises and reflect back on achievements.

2 people found this helpful

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  • ayman
  • 09-02-18

The worth book I have ever listened to

Useless long book, this book could be summarized in 4 hours and the rest is just marketing for the author , repeating the same ideas many times and even marketing his website !!!
It’s a book that can’t even be sold as cheap couching talks , on top of that it has tones of useless stories about the author and his family where he tries to be funny !!
If u just listen to a few very videos on YouTube would be better than this book
Horrible book

4 people found this helpful

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  • Juaneezy
  • 01-16-18

Excellent Book

The best self help book I've come across dealing with social anxiety & confidence 5*

6 people found this helpful

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  • JM
  • 08-05-19

Thoughtful and well read

This is much more practicle than other books I've read in this area. Plus Aziz is genuine and every now and then laugh-out-loud funny. I'll be reading other works of his for sure.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Sejal
  • 04-04-18

Long and self indulgent

This audiobook is made excessively long (18hrs) by the authors autobiographical style of recounting many stories of his own life when explaining a point.
I found it hard to keep going with it as it just seemed never ending without going anywhere. Not for me.

3 people found this helpful

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  • Kejtor
  • 05-02-21

Thanks Aziz - great work!

This book opened my eyes and made me aware how often my behaviour was just unconscious reaction to my childhood, religious and social programming. Unwanted reaction.
I’m definitely going to implement changes in my everyday life and my interactions with the others.
Therefore - thank you to you Dr. Aziz.
Book if funny, personal and full of practical advice. Aziz voice is nice - definitely better than some “pros” narration I found on Audible ;-)
Really helpful material.
Thanks !

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  • Anonymous User
  • 04-12-21

buffering constantly

Overall probably a good book, however I could not listen to it properly, as experienced a constant "buffering" issue and could not enjoy the narrative!..

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  • Nadeem
  • 02-06-21

life Changing Material

it's 18hrs long and every minute of it is engaging. life changing listening experience. I am so glad I listened to it and looking forward to applying the learnings. Thanks Dr Aziz, I have become a big fan of yours.

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  • Anonymous User
  • 07-22-20

The most valuable book I have ever read.

I cannot recommend this book enough, it will change your life.

Aziz has done an amazing job.

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  • nikkipantss
  • 05-03-19

great book

great self help book very helpful, lots of great real life examples and the narrating was great