How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids

Narrated by: Jancee Dunn
Length: 7 hrs and 37 mins
4.5 out of 5 stars (1,164 ratings)

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Publisher's Summary

A hilariously candid account of one woman's quest to bring her post-baby marriage back from the brink, with life-changing, real-world advice.

How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids tackles the last taboo subject of parenthood: the startling, white-hot fury that new (and not-so-new) mothers often have for their mates. After Jancee Dunn had her baby, she found that she was doing virtually all the household chores, even though she and her husband worked equal hours. She asked herself: How did I become the "expert" at changing a diaper?

Many expectant parents spend weeks researching the best crib or safest car seat, but spend little if any time thinking about the titanic impact the baby will have on their marriage - and the way their marriage will affect their child.

Enter Jancee, her well-meaning but blithely unhelpful husband, their daughter, and her boisterous extended family, who show us the ways in which outmoded family patterns and traditions thwart the overworked, overloaded parents of today.

On the brink of marital Armageddon, Dunn plunges into the latest relationship research, solicits the counsel of the country's most renowned couples' and sex therapists, canvasses fellow parents, and even consults an FBI hostage negotiator on how to effectively contain an "explosive situation". Instead of having the same fights over and over, Dunn and her husband must figure out a way to resolve their larger issues and fix their family while there is still time. As they discover, adding a demanding new person to your relationship means you have to reevaluate - and rebuild - your marriage. In an exhilarating twist, they work together to save the day, happily returning to the kind of peaceful life they previously thought was the sole province of couples without children.

Part memoir, part self-help book with actionable and achievable advice, How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids is an eye-opening look at how the man who got you into this position in this first place is the ally you didn't know you had.

©2017 Jancee Dunn (P)2017 Hachette Audio

Critic Reviews

"Jancee Dunn blends marital advice from real experts with her down to earth folksy wit in Hot Not to Hate Husband After Kids. If your husband has a better relationship with his phone than he does with his baby, you need to hit him with this book - and then ask him to read it." (Jen Mann, New York Times best-selling author of People I Want to Punch in the Throat)
"Part memoir, part self-help book, Jancee Dunn's How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids offers relationship research combined with personal anecdotes. Strategies learned from therapists, friends, and even an FBI hostage negotiator help Dunn heal her marriage - and set a good example for her kid." ( Real Simple)
"This book is a very valuable addition to the whole huge transition to becoming parents. This book can help preserve the greatest gift you will ever give your baby: a loving relationship between the baby's parents." (John Gottman, author of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work)

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  • Overall
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    5 out of 5 stars

Must listen for all new parents

I downloaded this book after an argument with my husband. He told me he was going to go outside and start the grill and didn’t come back for two hours. Meanwhile, I was inside entertaining our ten month old and growing ever more resentful. Why was I the default caregiver while he came and went as he pleased? When I complained, he wanted to know why I didn’t ask for help? And in return, I wanted to know why I had to ask.

This book goes into all of that and more. I downloaded it the next morning, took the dog for a walk, and peed my pants laughing about a mile from my house. Darn those pelvic floor issues. Since then, I’ve recommended it to all my friends and my nine month pregnant sister who is already complaining about her husband.

This book is not about bashing men. It could be re-titled “How Not to Hate Your Partner...” It helped me understand how I was contributing to our issues as new parents through poor communication and the inabiiity to communicate my needs. There is lots of actionable advice within the content, and I appreciated the mix of anecdotes and research.

11 people found this helpful

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Not quite what I was hoping for.

First, let me say that I am a guy and my wife bought this audible book… so take everything below with a grain of salt.

Overall, I think this book misses the mark on parenting for moms and dads. There are a lot of studies mentioned, many of them about how much “better” women are than men at various things. And, the overall tone is similar in that moms are the master parents and dads are idiot robots meant to be manipulated by their partner and serve as glorified babysitters to the children.

The bottom line is that moms and dads are different today than they were yesterday, and will be different again tomorrow. I know a few parenting situations where the dad is indeed a deadbeat parent; I know others where the mom is the deadbeat. And, let’s not forget all the single parents figuring things out anyway they can, including a rising number of single dads. That being said, parenting is hard, and initially the Mom is likely to carry the team as pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding are unmatchable endeavors and fortify the mother-baby relationship early on. But carrying the team does not equal being the GM, and even if you’re the star, you still need the team to succeed (or at least it really helps!). Mom and Dads should be co-captains of the team and share mutual respect for the other in that responsibility, and know that that shared respect and responsibility is forever fluid in direction, depth, and distribution. This book lacks that respect needed for parents today and tomorrow. It’s written to highlight parents from yesterday, but in today’s setting.

I hope my wife skips this book, but if she does listen to it, there is certainly plenty of worthwhile content, not to mention an engaging narrator (the author). The booked flowed smoothly and was very easy to listen to. I really liked the author and suspect that her and “Tom” are doing well these days. I just feel a few less studies, or at least more context and background on them, and a subtle change to the tone/theme would make this an easy 5 star book.

8 people found this helpful

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Loved how the research was made accessible

I loved how this writer incorporated so much research into this book in an accessible and entertaining fashion. I was laughing and writing notes often throughout listening to this. Also, the last chapter was a helpful summary and reminder of everything covered.

3 people found this helpful

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Excellent Book! Title should be changed though...

Where does How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?

This is a great book, very fun to listen to, I laughed out loud!

What was one of the most memorable moments of How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids?

Her therapy session with the scary therapist and getting pointers from the FBI negotiators

What about Jancee Dunn’s performance did you like?

She is funny, light hearted, and tells the truth

Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

yes

Any additional comments?

YES! It should REalLy be "how not to hate your SPOUSE after kids" - I want my husband to listen to it but it is hard to with the title. However, this book teaches amazing things about conflict resolution in general, as well as how to NOT damage your kids when fighting with your spouse. I seriously think you should consider putting it out with a new title, it is a must read for every married couple... Marriage is hard, and a lot of what is covered in this book is not talked about often enough... it is nice to know we are all in the same boat! I highly recommend this book...

13 people found this helpful

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Life Changing

You have saved and brought back my marriage. Also, normalizing these issues and stopped making me feel isolated and alone.

1 person found this helpful

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Thank you Jancee! All the wisdom and very funny

Thank you Jancee. All the wisdom and very funny. Good tips and covers everything from romance to money to how to argue respectfully

1 person found this helpful

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So much good info even if married without kids!

She is so funny and so smart to both fix her marriage and get paid for it!! Love this book and every professional she consulted with to help her. I even love the comedians she quotes. Terry Real is the bomb! I love him and Esther too. Well done Jancee!!
I'm on my 3 X listening to this book back to back. It has become the sound track to my life.

1 person found this helpful

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Hit a nerve

This book is for people who want practical tangible ways to make their home life more peaceable, their discussions less stressful and feel more validated and free as a wife and mother.
I've read the 5 Love Languages, Hold Me Tight, done counseling, read Gary Chapman, but the way she hashes out the nitty gritty of everything from daily chores to emotional identity is pure gold. She levels with so many mothers, and in my opinion does so bravely and emerges with her own dignity humbled but intact.
The world doesn't need more vague high minded self help books or distant myriads of psychology studies. Her work in digging into research and professional help for financial planning, organizing, scheduling, sexing, cleaning, cooking, marriage counseling, personal reflection, parenting and yelling yield great pieces of advice. And multiples to choose from at that. Get this for any mother. It will be a balm to her exhausted soul!

1 person found this helpful

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You don't need a husband or kids to appreciate!

You don't need a husband or kids to appreciate the insight shared in this book! Was emailed a link to the Jezebel article about it by my boyfriend and finished it in two days. Definitely recommend for anyone who is building a life with a partner.

3 people found this helpful

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Helped my relationship

My partner and I aren’t married yet, but we moved in together when we decided to have our baby together. I realized there was quite a learning curve to getting along and allocating chores and responsibilities. This book helped me SO much to communicate my needs without blaming and it helped me to temper my rage and to prepare together for baby’s birth. It is also funny and relatable. It helped me to not take my predicament so seriously because it is really common and the author offers great down to earth solutions, stories and research to make her points. I recommend this highly for new parents!