How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids

De: Jancee Dunn

Narrado por: Jancee Dunn

A hilariously candid account of one woman's quest to bring her post-baby marriage back from the brink, featuring life-changing, real-world advice.

“Preserve the greatest gift you will ever give your baby: a loving relationship between the baby's parents” —John Gottman, clinical psychologist and author of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

How Not To Hate Your Husband After Kids tackles the last taboo subject of parenthood: the startling, white-hot fury that new (and not-so-new) mothers often have for their mates. After Jancee Dunn had her baby, she found that she was doing virtually all the household chores, even though she and her husband worked equal hours. She asked herself: How did I become the ‘expert’ at changing a diaper?

Many expectant parents spend weeks researching the best crib or safest car seat, but spend little if any time thinking about the titanic impact the baby will have on their marriage—and the way their marriage will affect their child.

Enter Dunn, her well-meaning but blithely unhelpful husband, their daughter, and her boisterous extended family, who show us the ways in which outmoded family patterns and traditions thwart the overworked, overloaded parents of today. On the brink of marital Armageddon, Dunn plunges into the latest relationship research, solicits the counsel of the country's most renowned couples' and sex therapists, canvasses fellow parents, and even consults an FBI hostage negotiator on how to effectively contain an “explosive situation.” Instead of having the same fights over and over, Dunn and her husband must figure out a way to resolve their larger issues and fix their family while there is still time. As they discover, adding a demanding new person to your relationship means you have to reevaluate—and rebuild—your marriage. In an exhilarating twist, they work together to save the day, happily returning to the kind of peaceful life they previously thought was the sole province of couples without children.

Part memoir, part self-help book with actionable and achievable advice, How Not To Hate Your Husband After Kids is an eye-opening look at how the man who got you into this position in this first place is the ally you didn't know you had.

Recommended by Nicole Cliffe in Slate
Featured in People Picks
A Red Tricycle Best Baby and Toddler Parenting Book of the Year
One of Mother magazine's favorite parenting books of the year

Reseñas de la Crítica

"Drawing from her own life, journalist Dunn offers up a hilarious-and actually useful!-take on the lopsided division of labor that bedevils many a marriage post-baby."—People, People Picks

"The book is steeped in sociological and scientific research on how men's and women's roles have changed (and not) in family life, and it's also hilarious. As Dunn and her husband take a bumpy ride through therapy, research and in-home experiments in an effort to make their family life equitable and peaceful again, you'll learn a little, and laugh a lot."—The Seattle Times, best books of 2018

"Dunn's writing is effortless and chatty.... The book is compassionate and reasonable.... This book would make a far more practical shower gift than, say, yet another organic cotton receiving blanket. Babies grow up fast and require less stuff than we usually buy them; we adults are the ones that keep growing."
—Jezebel

"Part memoir, part self-help book, Jancee Dunn's How Not To Hate Your Husband After Kids offers relationship research combined with personal anecdotes. Strategies learned from therapists, friends and even an FBI hostage negotiator help Dunn heal her marriage--and set a good example for her kid."
—Real Simple

"How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids," is equal parts romp and eye-opener, as she [Dunn] tackles relationship self-help from every angle-and through many experts and therapists. A few chapters in, one goop staffer had already photographed a dozen pages to send to her spouse."—Goop

"Jancee Dunn blends marital advice from real experts with her down to earth folksy wit in Hot Not To Hate Husband After Kids. If your husband has a better relationship with his phone than he does with his baby, you need to hit him with this book--and then ask him to read it."
—Jen Mann, New York Times bestselling author of People I Want to Punch in the Throat

"I already knew I loved my husband, but Jancee Dunn's book makes me realize how much I owe it to my kids to love their father harder and more visibly. And maybe to take a big timeout the next time I want to run over his pipe collection with my jog stroller."
—Faith Salie, author of Approval Junkie

"Readers familiar with Dunn's honest and humorous writing will appreciate the behind-the-scenes look at her own semi-messy family life, and those who need guidance through the rough spots can glean advice while being entertained.... A highly readable account of how solid research and personal testing of self-help techniques saved a couple's marriage after the birth of their child."
—Kirkus

Great research & tips after 1st few chapters; helpful any age parenting with kids

The 1st chapters were almost hard to hear, the title of the books sounds intense- BUT KEEP LISTENING! she soon gets to the facts/advice/professional opinions. We have all had that ultra angry moment with our spouse, however (sorry to Jancee’s husband Tom) he was SO checked out haha I was upset for her and not me all of the sudden!! Relieved to say my husband wasn’t as bad haha but so glad to go on the evolving journey with them to from: a direct talking counselor in couples counseling, to wonderful research statistics, experiments, & examples of good and bad times. She gives tips on how to communicate better that she has learned from Gary Chapman and FBI negotiators 😂. Statistics from Helen Fisher, and so many more professionals. My husband and I recently changed roles in that I am not working all the sudden. We used to be nearly 50/50 just due to the fact that someone else watched our child 8+ hours a day. I needed guidance on what is fair now that my Son is my job and my family! This book has helped me to embrace my time with my child, not take score so much, communicate better, and discuss our goals. Also the gender role : we talk about being open but this books made me think “so what are we SHOWING our future son {to be spouse/partner hopefully male who can cook a meal one day}?” She makes great points and emphasis about what we DO. If I am always sweeping, mopping, vacuuming- my white male toddler may grow up to expect that. We now diversity roles every so often. We embrace family time and needed alone or date nights. It is worth a read!!!! Thank you Jancee for letting us step into your family. Thanks for the honesty we all need to hear! Thanks Tom being the guinea pig 🤣

Fantastic

Summary of many relationships healing techniques from a comical point of view. It has been really helpful with its small and easy tips which provide huge advances. I'll hear it again for sure

Do yourself a favor and get this book!

As a newish parent of a 15 month old I needed this book tremendously. The author seamless ties in personal stories with information from renowned professionals and research. I felt validated, convicted, and empowered by the content of this book. Within days I was seeing positive influence in my life. I wish I found this book sooner!

The title might be a little off putting to men and the perspective is hetero and cisgender normative- BUT I really think all couples and individuals can benefit from the content of the book.

Eye opener!

I absolutely love this book! Especially how down-to-earth the author is and how relatable all the subject matter is. everything is broken down in a easy to understand manner and I love how she cites all of her sources! I will definitely read this one and possibly a third time just to make sure everything that was said is set in stone.

awesome book.

I think it should be called how to not hate your spouse after having kids. I wish my husband would read it and I think it would be a great read for men not only women. It's very insightful spot on comical and full of wisdom. I do plan to listen to it again.