Holy Cow: A Modern-Day Dairy Tale

By: David Duchovny

Narrated by: David Duchovny

Length: 2 hrs and 55 mins

Publisher's summary

A rollicking, globe-trotting adventure with a twist: a four-legged heroine you won't soon forget

Elsie Bovary is a cow, and a pretty happy one at that—her long, lazy days are spent eating, napping, and chatting with her best friend, Mallory. One night, Elsie and Mallory sneak out of their pasture; but while Mallory is interested in flirting with the neighboring bulls, Elsie finds herself drawn to the farmhouse. Through the window, she sees the farmer's family gathered around a bright Box God—and what the Box God reveals about something called an "industrial meat farm" shakes Elsie's understanding of her world to its core.

There's only one solution: escape to a better, safer world. And so a motley crew is formed: Elsie; Jerry—excuse me, Shalom—a cranky, Torah-reading pig who's recently converted to Judaism; and Tom, a suave (in his own mind, at least) turkey who can't fly, but who can work an iPhone with his beak. Toting stolen passports and slapdash human disguises, they head for the airport.

Elsie is our wise-cracking, pop-culture-reference-dropping, slyly witty narrator; Tom—who does eventually learn to fly (sort of)—dispenses psychiatric advice in a fake German accent; and Shalom, rejected by his adopted people in Jerusalem, ends up unexpectedly uniting Israelis and Palestinians. David Duchovny's charismatic creatures point the way toward a mutual understanding and acceptance that the world desperately needs.

©2015 King Baby, Inc. (P)2014 Macmillan Audio

Critic reviews

“[Duchovny's] zany, madcap first novel, Holy Cow . . . is a seriously entertaining fable that doesn't take itself too seriously . . Duchovny is a witty writer, and he's especially good at conjuring these oddball voices.” —John Wilwol, The Washington Post

“For one of the most engaging allegorial tales since Animal Farm, look no further than the surprising debut from Hollywood star Duchovny. His tale of Elsie, an American cow who learns the truth about her fate, is filed with humor and relevance.” —Time Out, Critics' pick

“*Starred review* "[Duchovny's] debut novel is a charming fable about dignity and tolerance, complete with anthropomorphized animals and replete with puns, double-entendres and sophisticated humor . . . Between the book's sly humor, gently humanist (animalist?) message and wry illustrations by Natalya Balnova, this is a pseudo-children's book that smart adults should greatly enjoy. An offbeat adventure that reads like Bill Willingham's Fables directed by Ralph Bakshi.” —Kirkus Reviews

Hilarious! A must read!

David is a brilliant writer and tells this story in the most whimsical and hysterical way possible. It was great hearing it told through his voice...

Easy listen and I laughed the whole time. Bravo !!

Well written, pretty good

Overall, I enjoyed the book, although Duchovny has a sort of weakness of wearing his political leanings a little bit too clearly in fiction. I do want to clarify, however, that I don't have a problem with exposing political biases in fiction (if that was an issue, even Orwell would be a horrible writer), but the way Duchovny present his conservative view of technology seems to permeate beyond his writing and his characters on TV to the point where it becomes often more obvious than the actual point he is trying to make or the character he is trying to portray. That being said, I only focus on that because I so much enjoyed the rest of the story that I do not have other comments. In reality, it barely affected my experience with the story just as much as it barely affects my ability to get into anything he does on-screen. Of course I would highly recommend giving this a listen/read.

One of my favorites

I was skeptical about listening to this Dairy Tale. But, it's Duchovny. And, it turned out to be hilarious. Laugh out loud, wait - what did he say, oh my gosh this is great, hilarious. Yet, it has a deeper point that made it even better. Worth the download. It's perfectly short, amazingly well read (okay, it's Duchovny, so yeah, well read), and contains pearls of beauty and charm that I didn't expect. Download this, and I'm pretty sure you'll have a good time.

Beautiful narration of a very enchanting story

I really enjoyed listening to David read this book. His elloquence and wordplay was the most enjoyable aspect of this book. The story takes you wholly into Elsie's world and it is a fascinating place to be.

De - lic - ious

I debated between 4 and 5 stars. It was really good. As Jerry would say - De - lic - ious!

Dream big!

I loved this book! Sometimes adults need to remember they once had dreams, and dreams are ok. A story of self worth, friendship, life, death, and living.

So fun & enjoyable

Listening to this book was super fun! I literally LOL’ed on several occasions! I highly recommend if you need a break from the norm.
I’m going to find more books by Duchovny.

it's like Hank Moody wrote and read the story

I can't imagine the story being as funny if I read it myself rather than David Duchovny reading it. he truly made it entertaining like it was supposed to be. the actual story was a little hokey but funny as hell with David D reading. and like my headline reads, it had a lot Hank Moody humor. i loved it.

I laughed and snorted (I admit it)

What made the experience of listening to Holy Cow: A Modern-Day Dairy Tale the most enjoyable?

David Duchovny's telling was key. He has this deadpan, yet hopeful way of reading the story.

What was one of the most memorable moments of Holy Cow: A Modern-Day Dairy Tale?

I cracked up every time I heard "product placement," and Essie's references to her publisher were so believable.

Which scene was your favorite?

Spoiler! The pig's visit to the mohel had me in stitches. Not good to be laughing so hard you are crying when driving a car! I never believed it would happen and then....

Did you have an extreme reaction to this book? Did it make you laugh or cry?

I didn't think I would find it so funny at first. It started as an odd little book, but I was laughing and really rooting for the team. I would totally follow these characters to a new book.

Any additional comments?

Don't read while eating a turkey/bacon sandwich.

Satire with a message

There is a lot to like about this satire-with-a-message. I enjoyed it and thought David Duchovny did a great job of narrating his book. Great message about acceptance and humane treatment of all living things, without being heavy handed.