He says he loves you. So...why does he do that? You've asked yourself this question again and again. Now you have the chance to see inside the minds of angry and controlling men---and to change your life. In this groundbreaking book, a counselor who specializes in working with abusive men shows you how to improve, survive, or leave an abusive relationship. You will learn about:
©2002 Lundy Bancroft (P)2011 Tantor
"This is essential reading for those in the helping professions and highly recommended for all libraries, especially those in communities with emergency shelter programs." (Library Journal)
A must read for everyone. I was an abused wife so I understood from abuse from the victims perspective, but I was clueless why he did it. Now I know and it wasn't what I expected. So important for everyone to understand why he does it and what to do about it.
Extremely insightful. Narration superb. A must read for anyone caught in the abuse cycle. Powerful resource for women being threatened by men, and for those who care about them.
Grateful to have found this book. If you have been involved with an abuser, and are looking for answers you will find them in this book. It's NOT your fault!
I read the book from cover to cover, everywhere in the house. It basically never left my side for one week, because I found myself amazed that there was someone out there, that actually understood how abusers create havoc inside of their partners.
"An angry and controlling man can be like a vacuum cleaner that sucks up a woman's mind and life but there are ways to get your life back. The critical decision you can make is to stop letting your partner distort the lens of your life, always forcing his way into the center of the picture. You deserve to have your life be about you; you are worth it." This is from the introduction and to read and hear these words created a change inside me, because it was the first time that anyone told me, that I was not the one causing all the problems.
He did a good job but I did not like his voice, it sounded demanding in some of the chapters.
I attempted to resolve marriage problems through counseling and it was extremely helpful and liberating to read that marriage counseling can not treat an abuser. "Abuse is not caused by bad relationship dynamics. You can't manage your partner's abusiveness by changing your behavior, but he want you to think that you can."
I probably have at least six other books about battering and have had at least 20 years of counseling, and none of these books or therapy sessions were able to resolve the effects of living with an abuser. Because not one book or counselor identified my husband as an abuser. They told me that I was the problem and all I needed to do was to act differently or move to another house and this would resolve all the problems. I call this double victimization, being victimized by my husband and then victimized by my therapist because he or she believed that verbal abuse was not a serious issue. They told me that I was depressed, so they gave me medication and counseling sessions for the purpose of resolving the depression. However treating me in this way, did nothing to stop the abuse. In fact, my husband used my therapist sessions as justification for his verbal battering. Dr. Bancroft's book, and I reading it for the third time, saved my emotional well being because he was the first person that explained how an abuser thinks and operates and why they do what they do.
Information on abusive and manipulate people is shocking because of our socially accepted misconceptions shape our incorrect views. He has done extensive work with abusers and shares both real life examples of why our misconceptions allow the abuse to continue as well as providing proof of the real reasons the abuse happens.
This book has changed my life and now I see abuse for what it really is. If I had one wish, it would be that all women have the opportunity to read this book, as it would certainly change the world for the better.
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