Funny Classic

Gothic romance at its most unhinged—now without the Victorian sentence structure from hell. What's a Sweary Classic? The complete original story—same plot, same characters, same emotional devastation—just translated into modern, hilarious, sweary language that doesn't require a literature degree to understand. Think: all the moors, revenge, and toxic romance, zero Victorian torture. Catherine Earnshaw and Heathcliff are obsessed with each other in the most destructive way possible—think soulmates if soulmates were also each other's worst enemies. They grew up together on the ...

Lewis Carroll's surreal fantasy masterpiece—minus the part where you're not sure if any of this is supposed to make sense. What's a Sweary Classic? The complete, unabridged original story—same plot, same characters, same emotional devastation—just translated into modern, hilarious, sweary language that doesn't require a literature degree to understand. Think: all the absurdist wonder, zero Victorian torture. Alice is having the most boring afternoon of her life when she spots a talking white rabbit in a waistcoat sprinting past her, panicking about being late. Being a curious kid with...

She feels like an eternal wallflower. His father kicked him to the curb. Can two lonely hearts pen their own classic love story? Violet Fuller yearns for her own happily ever after. Certain her town contains zero leading men, the Jane Austen-adoring librarian is devastated when a potential meet cute turns into a coffee shop fiasco. So when she discovers a notice accusing her of failing to pay for the library’s renovations, the people-pleasing young woman is primed for an argument… only to discover a handsome new man in charge. Max Cavanaugh has one foot out the door. Secretly helping to...

NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER “Extremely funny . . . inspired lunacy . . . [and] over much too soon.”—The Washington Post Book World Now celebrating the pivotal 42nd anniversary of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy! Nominated as one of America’s best-loved novels by PBS’s The...

Shakespeare’s legendary tragedy—minus the part where you spend four hours wondering why this guy won't just make up his damn mind. What's a Sweary Classic? The complete original story—same plot, same characters, same emotional devastation—just translated into modern, hilarious, sweary language that doesn't require a literature degree to understand. Think: all the Danish royal drama, zero torture. Prince Hamlet is having a terrible month. His dad died under suspicious circumstances, his mom married his uncle approximately five minutes after the funeral, and now his dad’s ghost is ...

INTERNATIONAL BESTSELLER A contemporary literary classic and "an accomplished psychological thriller ... absolutely chilling" (Village Voice), from the Pulitzer Prize–winning author of The Goldfinch. Under the influence of a charismatic classics professor, a group of clever, eccentric...

NEW YORK TIMES BEST SELLER A hilarious novel of social and political intrigue, set against the glittering backdrop of Florida’s gold coast, from the author of Skinny Dip and Razor Girl “If you could use some wild escapism right now, Hiaasen is your guy.” —The New York Times WITH A...

The classic Newbery Honor book that inspired the hilarious Jim Carrey movie--and a childhood favorite book for generations. Mr. Popper's Penguins is one of the handful of American books for children that has attained the status of a classic. A humble house painter is sent a male penguin by the...

Shakespeare's iconic tragedy—minus the part where you pretend iambic pentameter is easy to understand. What's a Sweary Classic? The complete original story—same plot, same characters, same emotional devastation—just translated into modern, hilarious, sweary language that doesn't require a literature degree to understand. Think: all the star-crossed romance and family feuds, zero Elizabethan torture. Romeo Montague is dramatically depressed over a girl who won't give him the time of day, so naturally his friends drag him to a party thrown by his family's sworn enemies, the Capulets. ...

Brought to you by Penguin. Over 1 million Discworld audiobooks sold – discover the extraordinary universe of Terry Pratchett’s Discworld like never before 'It was the usual Ankh-Morpork mob in times of crisis; half of them were here to complain, a quarter of them were here to watch the other...

Brought to you by Penguin. Over 1 million Discworld audiobooks sold – discover the extraordinary universe of Terry Pratchett’s Discworld like never before The audiobook of The Colour of Magic is read by Colin Morgan (Merlin; Testament of Youth; Belfast). BAFTA and Golden Globe award-winning...

One murder. Infinite guilt. A psychological breakdown so intense you’ll need a nap. What's a Sweary Classic? The complete original story—same plot, same characters, same emotional devastation—just translated into modern, hilarious, sweary language that doesn't require a literature degree to understand. Think: all the Russian existential dread, zero translation fatigue. Rodion Raskolnikov is a broke, hangry law student living in a closet-sized apartment in St. Petersburg, and he has a Theory. His theory is that "extraordinary" men are allowed to do whatever they want—including murder...

Two terrifying classics by “the best kept secret in contemporary horror fiction” (The Washington Post) Thomas Ligotti’s debut collection, Songs of a Dead Dreamer, and his second, Grimscribe, permanently inscribed a new name in the pantheon of horror fiction. Influenced by the strange...

Mary Shelley's groundbreaking horror masterpiece—minus the part where you need a PhD to follow the nested flashbacks. What's a Sweary Classic? The complete original story—same plot, same characters, same emotional devastation—just translated into modern, hilarious, sweary language that doesn't require a literature degree to understand. Think: all the gothic horror, zero Victorian torture. Victor Frankenstein is a genius scientist with a terrible idea: what if he could reanimate dead tissue and create life from nothing? Spoiler alert: he succeeds. Double spoiler alert: this is the ...

In Leonard Wibberley's classic political satire, a tiny backwards country decides the only way to survive a sudden economic downturn is to declare war on the United States and lose to get foreign aid - but things don't go according to plan. The Mouse That Roared was made into a successful feature film starring Peter Sellers. Books in The Grand Fenwick Series: Books 2 through 5 are best read after The Mouse That Roared, but all of the books can be read and enjoyed at any point in the series. Book 1: The Mouse That Roared Book 2: The Mouse On The Moon Book 3: The Mouse On Wall Street Book 4: ...

Now celebrating the 42nd anniversary of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, soon to be a Hulu original series! “Douglas Adams is a terrific satirist.”—The Washington Post Book World Facing annihilation at the hands of the warlike Vogons? Time for a cup of tea! Join the cosmically...

Welcome to Pig Meadow, where home construction meets comedy in the most spectacularly disastrous way possible. Percy, Pete, and Pablo aren’t just three little pigs—they’re DIY dreamers with wildly different building styles, zero building permits, and one very curious wolf watching from the sidelines. From sagging straw walls to stick structures held together by duct tape, and a brick fortress complete with a pizza oven, these pigs are about to learn that a good house isn’t just about what you build… it’s about who’s inside when the wind starts to blow. Packed with laugh-out-...

From one of the most original voices in fantasy comes a twisted tale of murder, betrayal, and battlefield salvage. There’s no formal training for battlefield salvage. You just have to pick things up as you go along. Swords, armour, arrows – and the bodies, of course. Over the years, Saevus...

Brought to you by Penguin. Over 1 million Discworld audiobooks sold – discover the extraordinary universe of Terry Pratchett’s Discworld like never before The audiobook of Eric is read by Colin Morgan (Merlin; Testament of Youth; Belfast). BAFTA and Golden Globe award-winning actor Bill...

It’s easy to get disheartened when your planet has been blown up, the woman you love has vanished due to a misunderstanding about space/time, the spaceship you are on crashes on a remote and Bob-fearing planet, and all you have to fall back on are a few simple sandwich-making skills. However...