Showing results by narrator "Huw Parmenter" in All Categories

I've never minded that my name's Barry Loser because my coolness has always cancelled it out, but ever since Darren Darrenofski joined school with his horrible little crocodile face, he's been completely ruining my life about it.

As far back as Barry can remember, he’s always wanted a sausage dog. They’re like two of his favourite things (sausages and dogs) squidged together! Who cares if they bark the whole time, do poos everywhere, need three walks every day and stop you going to the cinema with your friends? Not Barry. Until he actukeely gets a real-life sausage dog, that is.

There’s a new Loser in town, and Barry’s not happy about it. The only thing that’s keeping him going is a superkeel new drink from Feeko’s Supermarket. But then disaster strikes, and Barry has to turn detective to solve the mystery of the century: the case of the crumpled carton!

The first audiobook in the spellbinding, epic adventure series from 'the Godmother of Fantasy', Diana Wynne Jones. For centuries Dalemark has been a land divided by the warring earldoms of the North and South. Now, with the help of the mysterious gods of Dalemark, four extraordinary young people must join forces to reunify their beloved home. When 12-year-old Moril's father is murdered by soldiers, Moril inherits his ancient cwidder - a musical instrument with a mysterious past.

Nine men: each of them at a different stage of life, away from home, and striving - in the suburbs of Prague, in a cheap Cypriot hotel - to understand just what it means to be alive here and now. Tracing an arc from the spring of youth to the winter of old age, All That Man Is brings these separate lives together to show us men as they are - ludicrous and inarticulate, shocking and despicable; vital, pitiable, hilarious, and full of heartfelt longing.

There’s a girl in Barry’s class who’s getting more laughs than him! But luckily, Barry immediately thinks up one of his brilliant and amazekeel plans to make sure he’ll have the final chuckle. All he needs is 30 boxes of Beard Flakes.

It’s Barry’s birthday and his mum and dad have bought him the amazekeel new gaming helmet he wanted—the Shnozinator 9000! It’s the best birthday present ever...until his baby brother breaks it and ruins everything. But Barry has a plan: he’ll just have to become a billionaire inventor and make enough money to buy another one, before his life is comperleeterly over.

Whatever happens, don't tell anyone what you did to Bee Larkham.... Jasper is not ordinary. In fact he would say he is extraordinary.... Synaesthesia paints the sounds of his world in a kaleidoscope of colours that no one else can see. But on Friday, he discovered a new colour - the colour of murder. He's sure something has happened to his neighbour, Bee Larkham, but no-one else seems to be taking it as seriously as they should be.

When Rosie's best friend has an affair with her husband, the consequences reverberate through the lives of the two families. Relationships are torn apart, friendships shattered, and childish innocence destroyed. Her daughter Daisy's fragile hold on reality begins to unravel when a letter arrives that opens old wounds. Rosie's son Max blames himself for everything that happened. And her ex-husband Nick has his own version of events. As long-repressed memories bubble to the surface, the past has never seemed more present and the truth more uncertain.

Here’s something you won’t believe: someone is doing TERRIBLE things to Mrs Martin, Cymbeline Igloo’s favourite teacher of all time. Cymbeline has to find the culprit (after he’s learned what ‘culprit’ means). He’s also got to help his friend Veronique, whose grandma is dangerously ill. It seems Nanai has a secret, connected to her arrival in the UK as a Boat Person from Vietnam, a traumatic journey in which she lost her twin sister.

D. H. Lawrence is no longer censored, but he is still on trial - and we are still unsure what the verdict should be, or even how to describe him. History has remembered him, and not always flatteringly, as a nostalgic modernist, a sexually liberator, a misogynist, a critic of genius and a sceptic who told us not to look in his novels for 'the old stable ego’, yet pioneered the genre we now celebrate as auto-fiction. But where is the real Lawrence in all of this, and how - 100 years after the publication of Women in Love - can we hear his voice above the noise?

It’s only a few days into the half-term holidays, and Barry's dad has already had enough of him! He’s packing Barry off to Pirate Camp, the same one he used to be sent to every year. Barry’s not impressed—he’s not a baby anymore, so why should he have to go to a camp for kiddywinkles? But horrible things are afoot at Pirate Camp—it’s been taken over by the villainous Morag, and now its future’s in doubt. There’s only one thing to do: Barry and his new friends Sally Bottom and Renard Dupont have to uncover the hidden treasure of Mogden Island....

Barry's class are off on a school trip to see a history of television exhibition, which Barry knows will be comperleeterly rubbish. But then he discovers that Future Ratboy (super-keel superhero TV show) is filmed in the same TV studios! All he has to do is find a way to sneak away and find the set.... Will Barry come up with an amazekeel plan? Will he get to audition for Future Ratboy? Will they get the best seats on the coach?

Seven years ago, two boys went missing at sea - and only one was brought to shore. The Sandbank, a remote stretch of coast dotted with beach huts, was scarred forever. Sarah's son survived, but on the anniversary of the accident, he disappears without trace. As new secrets begin to surface, The Sandbank hums with tension and unanswered questions. Sarah's search grows more desperate, and she starts to mistrust everyone she knows - and she's right to.

Barry can’t wait to tell his friends that they’ve been invited on his family caravan holiday to Plonkton. But the weekend by the sea doesn’t turn out to be the keelfest Barry was hoping for. It’s all his best mate Bunky’s fault for going and falling in love. Oh. My. Unkeelness!

A furry, festive miracle who's there for you with a helping paw. Percy definitely isn't just for Christmas.... Percy is homeless, abandoned by his owner at an animal rescue centre on a cold winter's night. So when he finds a loving new home with Gail and her family, his deepest wish is that this time, it's forever. Gail hopes that Percy will be the little miracle that her family so desperately needs. Her young daughter, Jenny, is in and out of hospital, and she's only just holding things together with her husband, Simon.

A heart-pounding love story that grips like a riptide and doesn't let go.... Fifteen-year-old Sam has moved from the big city to the coast - stuck there with his mum and sister on the edge of nowhere. Then he meets beautiful but damaged surfer girl Jade. Soon he's in love with her and with surfing itself. But Jade is driven by an obsession: finding and riding a legendary huge wave no one has ever ridden.

When lost red squirrel Lucky finds himself in Albion Park, the native squirrels all around him are bigger, tougher, and much more... grey. He needs all the luck he can find to fit in, and even more to pass the Squirrel Trial that will give him a permanent place in the park. But when Lucky discovers a plot that threatens their home, he'll need more than just good fortune on his side…

Barry has a new problem: Gordon Smugly - who's got the most perfect name for himself ever in the history of having a name, because he looks like a Gordon and is smug and ugly - has stolen Barry's best friend. Join Barry as he attempts to get Bunky back, organises a girly-scream voice test and tries to avoid seeing his teacher kissing his gran.

I've never minded that my name's Barry Loser because my coolness has always cancelled it out, but ever since Darren Darrenofski joined school with his horrible little crocodile face he's been completely ruining my life about it. I Am Not a Loser is the first of several notebooks belonging to Barry Loser. Follow Barry as he tries to throw off his loserness, take revenge on the terrible Fronkle-burping Darren Darrenofski, and finally become a winner.