Showing results by publisher "Macmillan Audio" in Humor

It's a bright and beautiful spring day, and Pearl, a pig, is dawdling on her way home from school. Most unexpectedly, she strikes up an acquaintance with a small bone. Pearl and the bone immediately take a liking to each other, and before you know it she is on her way home with the bone in her purse, left open so they can continue their conversation. Won't her parents be surprised when she introduces her talking bone!

On the first day of school, Artie falls out of his bed and hits his head. Hard. He tells his mom he's dizzy, and she says: "You’re just worried about your first day in a new school." On the second day of school, Artie falls out of bed and hits his head. Hard. He tells his mom he's dizzy, and she says: "You’re just worried about your first day in a new school." Huh?

To mark the 100th birthday of William Steig and in anticipation of the next blockbuster movie Shrek the Third, Macmillan Audio presents The One and Only Shrek! the must-have collection of Steig classics featuring everyone's favorite ogre, read by Meryl Streep and Stanley Tucci.

Jackson and Quigley were this close to joining the FBI (Frosty Bureau of Investigation), until Jackson’s mom found out and they ended up scrubbing seagull poop instead. At least they have Uncle Bryn’s birthday party to look forward to. But when they get to the Ice Cream parlor, the FBI agents are acting strange. Instead of talking, Uncle Bryn and his friends just finish their glowing green ice cream, then jump into a waiting ice cream truck and disappear. It's obvious that something has gone very, very wrong, and now Uncle Bryn is suspected of being a master thief!

After James gets a pen-and-ink set for his birthday, Marvin the beetle surprises him by creating an elaborate miniature drawing. James gets all the credit for the picture and before these unlikely friends know it they are caught up in a staged art heist at the Metropolitan Museum of Art that could help recover a famous drawing by Albrecht Dürer. But James can't go through with the plan without Marvin's help. And that's where things get really complicated (and interesting!)

After their masters are vaporized in a goblin battle gone bad, Fart, Pan, and Moxie - three lowly apprentices - decide to impersonate their mentors and pick up the mantle as heroes of the realm. But they need more than a fancy robe, magic staff, and book of magical beasts to be real heroes. They need a quest! So when The Great and Powerful Kevin puts out a call for help, seeking the coveted Golden Llama and its magical golden fart, young Fart and his friends jump at the chance and embark on a journey they were destined for.

After crushing their very first quest, young adventurers Pan, Moxie, and Fart are hungry for their next challenge. Luckily, the Great and Powerful Kevin has cooked up something for the trio: Locate a bedazzler - a rare and monstrous creature of truly horrific power - and bring back...its barf.

Adventure-loving penguin Jackson dreams of being a secret agent like his Uncle Bryn, who works for the Frosty Bureau of Investigation. Jackson and his gadget-inventing best friend, Quigley, might officially be too young to join the FBI, but they aren’t going to let that stop them! They just need to come up with the right plan to prove they are worthy. But when one of Q’s inventions goes dangerously wrong, Jackson suddenly finds himself dropped right in the middle of an FBI stakeout. There’s fishy business afoot at the city’s aquarium....

Jack Gantos' rocket-paced follow-up to the Newbery Medal–winning novel Dead End in Norvelt opens in the 1960s, deep in the shadow of the Cold War and the Cuban missile crisis. But instead of Russian warheads, other kinds of trouble are raining down on young Jack Gantos and his utopian town of Norvelt in western Pennsylvania. After an explosion, a new crime by an old murderer, and the sad passing of the town's founder, twelve-year-old Jack will soon find himself launched on a mission that takes him hundreds of miles away.

Martin Moone is 11 and completely fed up with being the only boy in a family of girls. He's desperate for a decent wingman to help him navigate his idiotic life. So when best mate Padraic suggests Martin get an imaginary friend - or IF for short - he decides to give it a go. His first attempt is Loopy Lou, a hyperactive goofball who loves writing rubbish rap songs. But Martin soon gets fed up with Lou and decides to trade in his IF for someone a little less wacky.

From the creator of The New York Times best seller Boing! comes the riotous story of a cat gone berserk -- four times over an in alphabetical order each time. Kitty is not happy hen she's told that her favorite foods are all gone and all that's left are Asparagus, Beets, Cauliflower, Dill...and 22 other equally unappealing vegetables. So she: Ate my homework, Bit grandma, Clawed the curtains, Damaged the dishes, and so on, through Z.

Melding the entirely true and the wildly fictional, Dead End in Norvelt is a novel about an incredible two months for a kid named Jack Gantos, whose plans for vacation excitement are shot down when he is "grounded for life" by his feuding parents, and whose nose spews bad blood at every little shock he gets. But plenty of excitement (and shocks) are coming Jack's way once his mom loans him out to help a fiesty old neighbor with a most unusual chore—typewriting obituaries filled with stories about the people who founded his utopian town.

"Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the city, not a creature was stirring... Except for BAD KITTY." A greedy Bad Kitty didn't get all the presents she wanted for Christmas, but after she goes on a Christmas caper across town and through multiple alphabets, she makes a new friend, finds an old friend, and learns the true meaning of Christmas. Or not. Nick Bruel's newest Bad Kitty audiobook is full of rhyming mayhem... and Christmas cheer.

Before Shrek made it big on the silver screen, there was William Steig's Shrek!, a book about an ordinary ogre who leaves his swampy childhood home to go out and see the world. Ordinary, that is, if a foul and hideous being who ends up marrying the most stunningly ugly princess on the planet is what you consider ordinary.

Dude. Ocean is incredible. Atlantic, Pacific, Artic, Indian, Southern - it's all excellent Ocean! Not part of any nation, his waves are for all. And under those waves, man, he holds so many secrets. With characteristic humor and charm, Stacy McAnulty channels the voice of Ocean in this next "autobiography" in the Our Universe series.

Hot diggity dog! Meet Pluto! The runt of a litter of eight planets. Pluto may not be the biggest or fastest planet to revolve around the Sun, but it has a unique story to tell. From the tale of how it was found by humans to its naming as a dwarf planet, it’s Pluto’s turn to take the spotlight and properly re-introduce itself.

Internationally famous cat burglar Ophelia von Hairball V adores jewels­ - the only thing she loves more is a challenge. She's never met a safe she couldn't crack. Now, the Furry Feline Burglary Institute (FFBI) offers her the ultimate caper: steal the giant Himalayan diamond and win their top award! There's a catch! The FFBI sends an enthusiastic inventor to help Ophelia...but this cat works alone, and Oscar Fishgerald Gold smells fishy.

Dougie has a secret: he’s not a ground beetle. He’s a dung beetle, and he loves eating poop. Dougie knows he should be proud. Dung beetles help process waste and do other extraordinary things! But Dougie also knows that if anyone at school saw his lunch, he’d be an outcast.

Meet Moon! She's more than just a rock - she’s Earth’s rock, her best friend she can always count on. Moon never turns her back on her friend (Literally: She's always facing Earth with the same side!). These two will stick together forever. With characteristic humor and charm, Stacy McAnulty channels the voice of Moon in this next celestial "autobiography" in the Our Universe series.

Heard about the lizard that shoots blood from its eyes? Or the ancient Romans who used pee as mouthwash? Did you know that going on a roller coaster can cure kidney stones? In this compendium of obscure facts listeners will be treated to baffling knowledge they would never learn at school. Broken into chapters including geography, space, and history, a team of experts has scoured the world to find the silliest and most pointless facts that it has to offer.