One of the hardest parts about losing a son or daughter is that we also lose parts of ourselves. I thought that the mountains would help heal me when Sam died and instead, I only occasionally have had the energy to drive up there and step on a trail.

Hiking and running went from something I craved to something I didn't have to energy to even think about. I began to feel like I would never enjoy the mountains again, a place I had considered a home away from home for years.

Just recently, however, I noticed that instead of fighting myself to keep going, as I had for the past 18 months, I was enjoying myself again. I didn't see it coming but suddenly I felt the joy of being up there again.

In today's episode, I talk about the 5 choices that I have made while grieving for Sam that have helped me reconnect with this part of myself and also why I think it is so important that each of us work through our loss in a way that is authentic to us.

Grief doesn't work on a time line or in a linear fashion but we each have an internal energy and knowing of what we need during this time. I want to encourage each of us to use this knowledge courageously because I have found that it's helping me reclaim parts of myself that I thought were gone forever.

I am not a counselor or a doctor or here to give advice. I am a grieving mom, here to share my experience and what is helping me through this grief. Thank you for stopping by.

Sam died 18 months ago and there is a lot of information that I don't have regarding his death. Most of it I haven't even tried to find out. I still haven't even visited the place he died.

I feel guilty that I don't know everything but it feels like the information might be too painful to accept. And, nothing will change the fact that Sam is gone.

Losing a son or daughter to addiction usually means that we have to accept very uncomfortable truths about them dying this way. In this episode, I share some of the questions I still have regarding Sam's death, why I haven't asked, and why I may never find out the answers.

In today's episode, we discuss the science of how our brain operates when we lose someone we are very close to, based on the book "The Grieving Brain" (The Surprising Science of How We Learn from Love and Loss), by Mary-Frances O'Connor, PhD. https://maryfrancesoconnor.org/book

We tend to believe that grief rests in our feelings and emotions but the truth is, our brain has a lot to do with our angst because of the processes it has developed through evolutionary needs. Our brain literally needs to re-learn how to live without the person we love so much.

In this episode, we are going through the first chapter, where we learn about virtual reality brain maps, why they exist, and how part of our grieving process is actually about learning how to rewire these brain maps and giving ourselves the time to do so.

I am not a doctor or a psychologist and I am not here to offer advice but to share my story of losing my son to addiction and trying to move forward in life again.