Have you ever felt like you have nobody to call, and wondered: how did I get here? Where are my people?

Maybe you’d been focusing on your career and lost touch with your friends. Maybe a big life transition has made you feel the friendships you used to have were tied to a version of you that no longer exists.

I’ve been there. I feel your pain, and I wish I could give you a big hug. But as somebody who’s been in this situation before, I can also tell you this: you might have more people in your circle than you think.

In this episode, I want to unpack this feeling and recommend a variety of episodes that might help you find the inspiration to go out and change your social landscape. (Be sure to check out the links below!)

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• The common misconception that there is something inherently wrong with individuals who struggle to make and maintain friends
• The shame spiral and negative self-talk of feeling like you have no friends and the importance of understanding how you arrived at this point
• Various circumstances and life changes that may of occurred that have made maintaining or making connections difficult
• The Wheel of Connection, which is a conclusive look at the different people you have in your life

Resources & Links

Listen to Episode 27 about loneliness; Episode 69 about learned loneliness; Episode 132 about navigating great friendship shifts; Episodes 25 and Episode 153 about friendship break-ups; Episode 101 about chronic illness; Episode 18 and Episode 35 about grief; Episode 19 about starting from scratch; Episode 100 (do the exercise!) about the wheel of connection; Episode 72 about virtual connections; Episode 128 about pararsocial relationships; Episode 129 about online friends; Episode 78 about friendship self-talk; Episode 41 about the liking gap;

Like it or not, AI is becoming part of our world in countless capacities – including navigating friendships.

Today’s guest is Connor Joyce, a senior user researcher on the Microsoft Copilot team who has been working in the AI space for five years. He has integrated AI into almost every aspect of his life, including friendships.

To some of you, this might seem intense, and I get it. But I challenge you to stay curious and listen to the intentionality behind Connor’s use of AI, because what he’s doing isn’t that different from what many of us already do, just in a different format.

Connor isn't using AI to replace his relationships. He's using it to show up better in them, to understand himself more deeply, and to make decisions aligned with his values – and when you strip away the AI part, that's just good relationship work.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• How Connor uses AI in various aspects of his life, including work, personal organization, and his relationships
• How Connor’s use of AI is similar to traditional methods of tracking relationships and developing self-awareness about them, from journaling to therapy
• NOT using AI for simple, one-sentence queries, but instead providing context before prompting it to analyze or generate audits into something
• Being transparent when using digital AI tools in friendships and using the tool to align decisions with core values of accountability and growth

Resources & Links

See Connor’s guide on how he uses ChatGTP and follow him on LinkedIn.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

Ever feel both happy and also … a little jealous when a friend shares good news?

I experienced this dichotomy the other night, when my friend shared a success. I found myself performing enthusiasm while dealing with conflicted emotions; I wanted that kind of success, too. Did this make me a bad friend for feeling something other than pure joy for her?

In this episode I talk about jealousy in friendship: how it happens, for all things big and small; the different ways it might manifest; and how acknowledging it can shift your friendship culture in a deep way.

I think the goal is not to have no feelings. It’s to let the feelings tell you something useful – and then bring that information back to your friendship.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Envy vs. jealousy in friendships, and processing each through self reflection and honest conversations
• How to avoid the distance and awkwardness that jealousy or envy can provoke in friendships
• The internal struggle of performing enthusiasm while dealing with conflicting emotions
• Why envying somebody famous feels so different from envying a friend

Resources & Links

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

While brainstorming episode ideas, I sometimes search Google Analytics to see what people are asking. Here’s what I found this week: How do I ask someone to hang out without making it weird?

Turns out, millions of people are feeling anxious about asking someone to join them for coffee! (What do I say? What if they think I’m weird? What if they say no?)

Today, we end that cycle. I’ll talk you through how to ask someone to hang out: what to say, how to handle rejection, why it feels hard.

Embrace that awkward first encounter! That’s the kind of thing you laugh about later on, years into a friendship.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Why asking someone to hang out feels so much harder as an adult than when you’re a kid or teenager
• The value in being specific when asking someone to hang out and suggesting an activity or time
• The importance of not taking rejections personally! Rejection is of the offer, not of the person; others might not be prioritizing connection right now as highly as you are
• How to make it easier to ask somebody to hang out by choosing an activity they’re already partaking in

Resources & Links

Listen to Episode 145 about reframing rejection with Tanisha Moody,

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

She used to call herself the shy, awkward kid with one best friend. Now she calls community her superpower.

Last year, Alison Kinsey decided to run an experiment: invite 10 interesting people to coffee in one year. The result? New friendships and a complete shift in how she sees herself.

And you’d never guess it was a cross-country move to California that encouraged her to become an initiator. From afar, I’ve seen Alison start networking groups, go on blind double dates, host low-effort gatherings, and get deeply involved in her local community.

Alison is also one half of the Podcasting for Creatives team (and host of the podcast, Real Time Creator), who I have been working with since this podcast was just an idea.

If you have been telling yourself “I’m too introverted” or “I’m just bad at this” — that story is not permanent. If you keep showing up, you'll look back and realize you're not the same person anymore.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• How Alison’s move to San Diego triggered her to become more intentional about her friendships, starting with connecting with the organizer of a Meetup group
• How Alison used Instagram as a kind of “friendship dating app” to find and connect with people in her community
• Real Time Creator, which documents Alison’s career break from being a high-earning breadwinner to taking a creative sabbatical
• Alison’s challenge to have coffee with 10 new people over the course of a year, and her experience organizing low-stakes hangouts

Resources & Links

Find Alison on Instagram, LinkedIn, and her podcast Real Time Creator, which documents her layoff from tech and creative sabbatical.

Learn more about my podcast editing team, Podcasting for Creatives.

Listen to Episode 12 about the Roots framework; Episode 14 about friend groups; Episode 44 about how making friends can help you with the big life choices; Episode 48 about using the internet to find connections; Episode 83 about making friends in different life stages; and Episode 134 about fringe friends.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

This is the second installment in a two-part series about group chat anxiety.

If having a massive group chat text chain stresses you out, then I’m going to let you in on a secret: it’s because you CARE about your friendships. But with these chains, we’re also sometimes pouring this caring into the wrong place.

In this episode, I talk about auditing these group chats and determining what’s working and what’s draining. How can we use them, not as a primary source of connection, but as a tool to move toward connection that feels fulfilling?

With a little effort, hopefully this extra thought will mean we’re texting a little less with the intention of connecting a little more.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Looking at how your group chats are functioning: is it to update a large group of friends? Is it a smaller group? What’s the purpose of the group chat?
• Having conversations with your friends about what the group chats are for; for example, are side conversations okay? Is it okay to add new people to the chat? Etc.
• Giving yourself permission to set boundaries: you don’t have to be in every chat, you can mute or leave, and you can set response windows
• In my opinion, the wrong kind of group chat work (constantly checking, crafting perfect replies) vs. the right work (auditing chats, investing energy where it matters)

Resources & Links

Listen to Episode 161 about managing friendship overload and relationship burnout.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

Have you ever picked up your phone and discovered a hundred unread text messages?

Likely you’re at the tail end of a group chat, and it kind of feels like walking into a party two hours late. You want to respond but wonder: will people be annoyed at you for backtracking? Maybe you even feel resentful for being added to this chat without consent.

Group chats can sometimes feel like you’re operating with one arm behind your back – but if you suffer group chat anxiety, I think it’s important to remember that it’s because you really care about your friendships.

This episode is the first segment of a two-part series on anxiety surrounding group chats: today, we’re talking about why group chats can be tricky to navigate, and in the next, what you can actually do about it.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Why group chats are often used to satisfy a craving for connection but often fall short of delivering real connection people want
• The richness of in-person connection (Body language! Tone! Shared moments!) vs. the flatness of texting
• Different ways group chats can cause anxiety, from the public nature of having something you said responded to or ignored to lurker guilt
• The intensity overload of group chats, plus, different studies about texting and anxiety

Resources & Links

Listen to Episode 12 and learn about my theory about the Roots framework; Episode 100 about the Wheel of Connection; Episode 127 about using data to manage your friendship mental load; Episode 131 about the spectrum of digital connection; and Episode 134 about fringe friends.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

When Michelle Valiukenas lost her daughter Colette after being born at 24 weeks, the grief was devastating – and this grief had real effects on her friendships, both good and bad.

In today’s episode, Michelle and I talk about the evolution of relationships through all of life’s ups and downs and the value of showing up imperfectly.

Shortly after recording, my own friends lost their son in the NICU, and I felt uncertain how to go about sharing this episode; I decided to release it because my friend told me these kinds of stories provide her comfort and can be hard to find.

If you're supporting someone through grief, or if you're in it yourself, I hope that this conversation gives you permission to have the hard conversations.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• The power in giving our grieving friends the options of whether they want to talk about their loss or not
• How I used this episode to show up for my own grieving friends, including normalizing talking about the the child they lost, Cam, and being present through hard days
• Why we can’t maintain our friendship peaks forever, just as you can’t sustain race-day conditioning – and that’s OK
• What’s actually helpful for people grieving, from remembering anniversaries to offering concrete help (i.e., don’t ask what they need, offer a service instead)

Resources & Links

Listen to Episode 12 and learn about my theory about the Roots Framework.

Michelle and her husband founded the Colette Louise Tisdahl Foundation, which aims to improve outcomes of pregnancy, childbirth, prematurity and infancy, and help the grieving process.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!