I just want to make friends who are in the same stage of life as me.

In this business, I hear some of the same phrases over and over, and this is one of them. I love that goal, and it’s a big part of what I talk about on the podcast. But recently, I’ve also noticed a trend in which people are seeking friends who are in DIFFERENT life stages.

So that’s what I’m talking about today. Why would you want friends in different life stages than you? And more importantly, how do you make and maintain friendships with people whose current life circumstances are so different from yours?

Personally, I’m looking for a walking buddy, and I feel like that perfect someone might not be a fellow entrepreneur in their mid-30s. What friendships are you looking for in your own life? How might people in different life stages add some richness to your social wellness?

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• The tendency to lean on sameness or perceived similarity in friendships – and the similarities you can still find between friends in different life stages
• Why sometimes it’s actually easier to spend time with people in different life stages because they have different time constraints
• The opportunities for sharing wisdom and learning when you’re friends with people who are older or younger than you
• How sometimes having friends in different stages of life alleviates pressure to act or be a certain way – plus, ideas on how to find these friends!

Resources & Links:

Learn about my Wheel of Connection framework and be sure to check out Episode 77 about female friendships and Episode 15, about managing differences in friendships.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

One thing I always say is creating a community is the ultimate self-care.

In today’s episode, we dive deep into this idea with my good friend Jenny Dreizen, who is the co-founder of the Fresh Starts Registry, which I’m a huge supporter of.

The Fresh Starts Registry is a registry for all of life’s new beginnings, from divorces to graduations, big moves to scary diagnoses. (Sound familiar? I also talked with Jenny’s sister and co-founder Olivia in Episode 68!)

Jenny is the perfect friend for me to sit down and have this conversation with because so much of her work centers around supporting people through changes and transitions.

BTW, don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t make friends on the internet. Jenny and I have never met in person, yet, I can totally see our friendship spanning 30 years from now.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• What it means to be in your “friendship era” and why sometimes doing less actually serves friendships more
• Friendship breaks vs. just taking a step back from friendship or cutting off just part of a friendship
• Putting yourself in places and environments that feel authentic to you and the importance of trusting your gut about your relationships
• Coming back to people whose energies didn’t used to align with yours but actually do now
• Internet friends, selfless acts, and how deciding to actively engage in your community is actually the ultimate self-care

Resources & Links:

Learn about small intimacies in Episode 74, check out the Fresh Starts Registry, follow them on Instagram, and listen to Episode 68 to hear my conversion with Fresh Starts co-founder (and Jenny’s sister) Olivia.

Also, don’t forget to listen to their podcast, A Fresh Story (including the episode I recorded with them).

Olivia and Jenny have also written these amazing scripts for what to say when you don’t know what to say.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

If you’re having a bad day, try bragging about a friend. Talk about that thing they did and why they’re so great – it will turn your whole day around.

Today I’m bragging about my new friend Anna Goldfarb, author of Modern Friendships, which is about the nuances of adult friendships. Anna is a journalist whose reporting has appeared in The New York Times, The Atlantic, The Washington Post and Vox. Her book is absolutely amazing.

You’ll find we have lots of overlap in the ways we think about friendship, but of course, we are different people, and she provides slightly different perspectives and language on the topic.

Today’s episode was such a delightful conversation; it felt like we could talk forever. If you like what I put out on this podcast, be sure to buy her book!

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• The topic of friendship over the last few years, which became magnified during and after the pandemic
• Friendship strategies that are outdated in today’s super fluid society, putting people in positions where they can’t commit
• How Anna’s research impacted her relationship with her sister and her own friendships
• The importance of having flexible expectations as you and your friends move into different phases of life
• The thing that’s flattening our friendships that our ancestors didn’t have to deal with and the amount of time it actually takes to develop close relationships

Resources & Links:

Sign up for Anna’s newsletter and buy her book, Modern Friendships: How to Nurture Our Most Valued Connections.

Want to hear more about flexible friendship expectations? Check out Episode 33, “The New Version of Friendship,” and Episode 45, about friendship demotions.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

How do we balance community and independence?

This question is posed by today’s guest, Donna Fields, who, twenty years ago, moved to Spain, and experienced culture shock, going from the United States – an individualistic society – to one that was collectivist and communal.

Donna is an author, professor, teacher, trainer, and host of the podcast Doorways to Learning with Donna. Here, she asks: what do we look for when we leave one place and go to another? For her, it was family and community. But is it possible to be TOO communal?

Spaniards are often extremely family oriented, but is it possible family ties literally tie them down when they could have more experiences if allowed to cut loose? When you move somewhere so different, it makes you wonder: where’s the balance? What feels right to me?

I love episodes like today’s. It feels like we could just be sitting around the kitchen table with a cup of coffee, trying to explore life’s deeper meanings. We don’t answer all the questions, but it sure is an interesting conversation.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• All about Donna – her background in New York and New Mexico and how she ended up in Spain for the last 20 years
• What do we look for when we leave one place and go to another? And why do we leave the house in general – to do something, or to be with other people?
• Spanish vs. American culture: how each views family, community, reciprocity, trust, etc., and the pros and cons of each
• The hyper-vigilance required in individualistic societies where you’re doing everything by yourself
• The ripple effects we can have on others and the power of letting go

Resources & Links:

Donna has compiled some material that will generate fascinating conversations about cultural differences and the natural unions of communities.

Check out Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community by Robert D. Putnam, and if you haven’t yet, listen to Episode 41 about the Liking Gap.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

Think about your closest friends. Have you ever felt yourself saying, maybe I just don’t know them anymore? Or, why is it so hard for us to get together?

Here’s a question I’m posing for today’s episode: instead of trying to maintain friendships at their “peaks,” what if we allowed these friendships to breathe in their new forms?

Today’s guest is Joseph Suttner, who I met a year ago while on New Day Northwest, a morning TV show here in Seattle. In this episode, Joseph and I talk in-depth about the Wheel of Connection, particularly historic vs. present friendships.

Sometimes it can be sad to admit our historic (and sometimes closest) friendships are no longer at their peaks due to life’s circumstances. But if there’s one constant in life, it’s change, and I think listeners will walk away from today’s episode with new appreciation and perspective of these relationships.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Historic friends, defined friends, formal communities, and more in my Wheel of Connection framework
• The guilt and shame created by friendships that can’t be maintained at their peaks due to the realities of adulthood – and how to appreciate what’s there instead
• Self-awareness about your approachability if you’re trying to expand your connections (i.e., are you wearing sunglasses or headphones while out walking?)
• Activities together vs. drinks or coffee – one of these feels like less pressure if you’re meeting up with a new friend

Resources & Links:

Learn about my Wheel of Connection framework!

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

I’ve been paying more attention to my self talk lately, particularly my negative self talk.

It’s so easy to berate ourselves and give ourselves labels about our interactions. I’m a bad friend. I’m awkward. I’m terrible at small talk. I’m not good at showing up.

But what if instead of saying, I’m awkward, we say, that interaction was awkward, and look at the situation objectively? It’s easier said than done! The important thing is to notice the negative self talk when it happens and try to shift that over time.

In today’s episode, I share three stories about my own self talk. Sometimes I have good self talk. Other times I’m quite mean to myself. My hope is that these stories serve as a reminder that we’re all still working on it, and that’s okay.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Different kinds of self talk we have before, during, and after our interactions – and how these can make or break our connections
• My runaway train story about a sleep deprived podcast recording, an embarrassing interaction, and the negative self talk I couldn’t seem to stop
• The value in removing ourselves from the conversation and looking at the situation objectively
• Two situations where I was able to tame negative self talk – one where I was ghosted, one where I didn’t show up for a friend in the way I’d wanted to
• The tricks our brains play on us, and how to approach these “fails” and be kinder to ourselves as time goes on

Resources & Links:

Need a cheerleader for your social interactions? I’m here for you! Conquer your friendship anxiety and walk into any room with confidence - join the waitlist now.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

Today’s topic is female friendship, and to be honest, I’m a little overwhelmed by the responsibility.

I hear your stories about the intensity, cattiness, and drama of female friendships, but to tell you the truth, it’s been a long time since my friendships involved those extreme experiences. Due to my life’s circumstances, I had to approach friendship differently. Friends are my support system, and I will do all I can – even if it’s uncomfortable – to risk losing a friendship.

Which is why I’m so glad to have a female friendship expert on today: Danielle Bayard Jackson, host of the Friend Forward podcast, is a coach, educator, and author of Fighting for Our Friendships, which is a total game-changer and a book I cannot recommend enough.

Today, we talk about all the depth and complexities of this relationship – including, most importantly, the joy of female friendships, which, at their height, allow us to be seen and accepted for who we are.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Danielle’s background as an English teacher, where she observed the academic impact friendship had on her students
• The fragility of female friendships and the pressure women are often under to juggle the needs of others (as mothers, wives, employees, daughters, sisters, caregivers, etc.)
• Why women often look for emotional support from their platonic female friendships more than their romantic partners
• The high expectations of female friendships and Danielle’s advice for navigating the pressure associated with these relationships (HINT: communication is key!)
• Navigating healthy conflict and gender expectations, and how to build resilience so we can put ourselves out there

Resources & Links:

Follow Danielle on Instagram, listen to the Friend Forward podcast, and buy her book, Fighting for Our Friendships.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

Today’s episode is all about holding space – and it’s a poignant reminder of the importance of friendship and how it can profoundly affect our lives, even after a friend has passed away.

Michelle Cecil is here to vulnerably share her story about her friendship with Erica.

Michelle and Erica’s friendship blossomed in their youth and grew stronger as they navigated the ups and downs of adulthood. Their relationship faced the ultimate test when Erica was diagnosed with metastatic melanoma.

Throughout the episode, Michelle recounts the joys and heartbreaks of their journey and how she found support.

We also delve into the complexities of grieving a friend, including the lack of societal recognition for these losses and the unique challenges it poses.

This episode truly left me speechless. Join us as we share space and honor the memory of Erica, while celebrating the beauty of lifelong friendships.

P.S. Michelle is a friend of Brenda, who appeared on Episode 24. They are part of the Marco Polo group we talk about in that episode.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• The story of Michelle and Erica’s friendship, and how living thousands of miles away didn’t affect their bond (cards, letters, and long distance phone calls played a role)
• Friendships that feel like chosen family, transcending traditional familial bonds and highlighting the deep, emotional connections that can form in these relationships
• How Michelle has processed her grief over the years, from support groups, to counseling, to simply honoring Erica’s memories by talking about her with friends
• How the “Friends” series finale and Cinco de Mayo stir up memories of Erica
• The importance of sharing our stories of loss, and how this can foster understanding and bring comfort to those experiencing something similar

Resources & Links:

Check out Episode 24, which talks about the Marco Polo friend group that Michelle is a part of.

I have two other episodes focused on grief: Episode 18 with Aly Bird and Episode 35 with Suzanne Jabour.

You can also check out Episode 16 and Episode 19 for conversations about chosen families.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!