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You're Never Ready for a Zombie Apocalypse
- Guardians of the Apocalypse, Book 1
- Narrated by: Matthew Crow
- Length: 10 hrs and 54 mins
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Publisher's Summary
The crew of the USCG Buoy Tender Sassafras, out of Honolulu, has embodied the Coast Guard’s motto: Always ready, in every mission, every circumstance, every crazy thing mother nature and the US government has seen fit to dump in their laps. They’ve been doing so much, with so little, for so long, they feel ready to face anything. But then, they’ve never had to face a zombie apocalypse.
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What listeners say about You're Never Ready for a Zombie Apocalypse
Average Customer RatingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Anonymous User
- 09-03-20
frustrated at times
the performance was excellent. The story takes a while to get going and even when it does the actions taken during a zombie outbreak can be seriously frustrating. The sexual tension is kind of forced also adding to the annoyance. the real kicker though is as all leftist authors, he just had to froth at the mouth about trump, Christians, Republicans, etc. He at very least waited to do it towards the end of the book. It's a zombie apocalypse, I dont want to hear about politics at all when I'm reading horror. This is why I have given a negative review, because that is after all what the authors rhetoric is meant to do, piss half the audience off.
30 people found this helpful
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- Amanda Olvera
- 12-14-20
not a good apocalypse book
It is bogged down by the author trying to be funny all the time. The worst part of it is the "he/it" thing that keeps going on till the end. At 1st it was kind of cute, but it keeps going on. Every time the author does this it slows down the pace of the story to the point that it just takes you out of the story completely. All the parts of the book that are supposed to be action are brought down by this foolishness.
5 people found this helpful
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- kutzkai
- 01-17-21
Enjoyable Listening
This was a thoroughly entertaining listening experience, Jeff Thomson is a writer I hope to continue reading/listening to the books to follow in this continuing story. Matthew Crow does a fine job of reading to us. I received this audio book for free in a promo, and I am voluntarily writing this review.
3 people found this helpful
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- Sara B
- 09-11-20
Excellent addition to the genre
The title is aptly named. You're Never Ready for a Zombie Apocalypse, it's well-plotted, well-written, witty, humorous, exciting, and entertaining. Definitely, an excellent start to the series. The storyline follows various characters, and you get insight as to who they are and their roles in the overall plot. Jeff Thomson has done an exceptional job with the cast; they were well-developed, realistic, diverse, and some quite interesting. Furthermore, Thomson created realism by incorporating his expertise and personal knowledge of the Coast Guard culture into the story.
A stellar performance by Matthew Crow, he captured the narrative and the characters flawlessly. He is a talented narrator with the ability to use a wide range of tones to depict the distinct personalities. You're Never Ready for a Zombie Apocalypse is an excellent addition to the genre, one I highly recommend to the zompoc enthusiasts.
3 people found this helpful
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- Shantelle Hazelton
- 11-10-20
Gripping audio book
I’ve never listened to or read a book where the end of the world is portrayed on the water. I have to say the difference in location was refreshing. I loved how the book is told from a couple different parties and at every twist and turn you really do t know who will survive or what will happen. Can’t wait to listen to the next. The narrator did a wonderful job bringing this book to life.
2 people found this helpful
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- Anonymous User
- 10-29-20
loved it
laughed from beginning to end :) I need to write more it says. happy listening
2 people found this helpful
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- Amazon Customer
- 04-05-22
Really enjoyed
I am a fan of post apocalyptic fiction. I found this book a little slow to start and hard to follow the different characters. But it got better and better. I was really enjoying the book until poof...it was gone, leaving me wanting for more. Matthew Crow does a great job with both male and female characters and I find him a pleasure to listen to. I will be buying book 2 to continue my journey.
1 person found this helpful
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- Jack Childress
- 03-02-22
Coast Guard for the win!
Most zombie books seem to focus on 2 primary character types. The average family/person or the military. Yet, I can’t remember a single Coast Guard member ever being featured prominently in any of those books. If I missed someone, sorry. But that’s the point. Jeff Thomson fixes that. Following the crew of the Sassafras, we meet a group of true heroes. A blend of personalities that you’d find on many C.G Cutters. They are, mostly, very likable and relatable. There’s always that one jerk. The zombies are a nice break from the traditional zombie. No spoilers. Get this book. Hop on board and set sail on a Fantastic Voyage! A bloody voyage. But fantastic, nonetheless. 5 Stars!
1 person found this helpful
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- CK
- 06-27-21
It's The Waking Dead meats The Last Ship
Amazing book. I'm not exaggerating when I say it was better than World War Z. I especially loved the sense of humor in the middle of all the bloodshed:)
1 person found this helpful
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- Heather
- 05-23-21
Fast paced, descriptive thrill fest of the zombie apocalypse
Great dialogue, well formed characters, and fast paced zombie killing thrill fest. I was unfamiliar with a lot of the USCG terminology but it did not prevent me from enjoying the book thanks to the author’s masterful storytelling.
1 person found this helpful
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- Simon GL
- 04-24-21
really surprised
I didn't know what to expect going into this book. I was pleasantly surprised and have already got the next book in the series.
Really enjoyed the plot and pace of the story, well narrated as well.
1 person found this helpful
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- Mia Harper
- 09-19-20
Zombies ahoy!
An entertaining read with a good concept, I really enjoyed most of the characters, a couple I 'loved to hate'! Molly and Jonesy were a blast, but Uncle John was way too soft on his kids, they needed a reality check. I was totaly absorbed, and so disapointed when I'd finished I can't wait for book 2, and another chance to enjoy Matthew Crow's toe curling voice. I received this book in exchange for my honest review.
1 person found this helpful
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- richard davis
- 07-21-21
amazing
everything about this is superb.
could not put it down.
a absolute must listen.
excellent.
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- Richard
- 06-15-21
Very Exciting Zombie Apocalypse Adventure
I really enjoyed the first book in the Guardians of the Apocalypse series by Jeff Thomson, the plot was exciting and the action was almost non-stop from beginning to the end. The narration by the excellent Matthew Crow was really superb.
I am just about to start the second in the series and I hope that it is as exciting as the first.
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- PaulC6230
- 03-27-21
Decent Enough
This audiobook was a decent take on zombie apocalypse as being on lifeboats and the main characters are coastguards. I didn’t know how this would work into a full length book but it worked.
There’s quite a few boats mentioned and as always one bad guy/guys in a boat. The apocalypse happens roughly 1/4 of the way through the book once you’re introduced to the characters which carries on throughout the story which carries on at a decent pace.
The narration was good enough and helped the story.
Recommended if you’re into the zombie apocalypse genre as it’s different in a good way.
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- Ian
- 11-21-20
Zombie in the sun
I know I like it a lot because normally I only listen to my audiobooks while walking to or from work and on break this one I’m listening to rather than watching TV.
This audiobook kept me guessing and wounding what was going to happen next the whole time and the characters were great and the setting felt very real to me I can’t wait to get book 2.
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- John Gibson
- 11-20-20
A Really good dose of Zombie 🧟♂️
I really enjoyed this story was a great listen had it all Zombie / humor / violence. Nobody seems safe. Can't wait for the next installment. The narration was great seamless and fit the story. A++ 👍
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Story
Dr. Saunders skyrocketed to the precipice of immortality when his brainchild, Project Starlight, was green-lit by his company. He would be remembered forever, but not for the reason he hoped. There was a dark side. Was his technology being used for another purpose? Someone at their parent company has a secret. Without his knowledge, his science was being perverted through genetics. They’ve been testing on human subjects. The poor souls strapped to the injectors have suffered. What is Trans Global Pharmaceuticals' plan?
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What did I just listen to?
- By Elaine on 10-22-21
By: Derek Shupert
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The Complete Survive the Fall Series (A Post Apocalyptic Survival Thriller, Books 1-5)
- By: Derek Shupert
- Narrated by: Stacey Glemboski
- Length: 30 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Russell Cage would much rather work on his crumbling marriage and life than leave town with his best friend. But the fun weekend planned turns tragic when their plane loses power in the Blue Ridge Mountains. Battered and beaten, Russell emerges from the wreckage alone with no choice but to hike through the mountains and find help. Included in this box set: The Complete Survive the Fall Series.
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Idiots in an apocalypse
- By Dan H on 09-16-21
By: Derek Shupert
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Zombie Rush: Books 1 and 2
- By: Joseph Hansen
- Narrated by: Stephen Bel Davies
- Length: 14 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
New to the Hot Springs PD, Lisa Reynolds was not all that welcomed by her coworkers, especially those who were passed over for the position. But it didn't matter anymore. Her 30-day probation period ended on the same day of the Z-poc's arrival. Overnight the world goes from bad to worse as thousands die in the initial onslaught. National Guard and regular military units deployed the day before to the north leave the city in mayhem. All directions lead to death until one unlikely candidate steps forward with a plan.
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My first zombie book, and I loved it!
- By Ben on 11-01-16
By: Joseph Hansen
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Invasion (Zombie Apocalypse)
- THEM Post-Apocalyptic Series, Book 1
- By: M. D. Massey
- Narrated by: Shawn Salzman
- Length: 4 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
When a surprise nuclear attack forces Aidan from hiding, he finds the world to be a much different and more deadly place. Now, he'll traverse a post-apocalyptic landscape populated by violent redneck looters, rogue military factions, and an army of hungry undead.... After two combat tours in the Middle East, Aidan Sullivan just wants to be left alone on his family’s ranch in the Texas Hill Country. But when the bombs fall and the dead walk, Aidan risks life and limb to rescue his aging parents from the zombie horde.
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not going to finish this
- By Anonymous User on 07-01-20
By: M. D. Massey
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The Stranded: A Zombie Apocalypse Novel
- Anno Initium, Book 1
- By: Dinko Skopljak
- Narrated by: JD Jackson, Soneela Nankani
- Length: 11 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
By the time the classified report is leaked to the public, it’s already too late. A horrifying pandemic has begun to spread, with ferocious speed, from Paris to the rest of Europe. The infected masses die quickly . . . but they don’t remain dead for long. As military forces are overpowered by the horde of undead, civilization as we know it is pushed to the breaking point. Those who remain uninfected rush the ports, hoping to escape the bloodthirsty beasts, desperate for some safe harbor.
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LOVED IT!
- By Michelle on 01-18-23
By: Dinko Skopljak
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No More Heroes: An Adrian's Undead Diary Novel
- Lockey vs the Apocalypse, Book 1
- By: Carl Meadows
- Narrated by: Danielle Cohen
- Length: 11 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
On June 23, 2010, in every country across the globe, the dead inexplicably awaken with murderous resolve. For the first days, Erin Locke - Lockey to her friends - survives alone as society collapses in England with shocking speed. With her trademark snarky sense of humor, goofy insights, and can-do attitude, she chronicles her early adventures in a journal to keep her spirits high and sanity intact, until she befriends retired Royal Marine veteran Nate Carter, and the unlikely duo find themselves a place they can call home.
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Do not listen to this book in public!
- By Tina Dunne on 12-18-20
By: Carl Meadows
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The Complete Undead Apocalypse Series
- A Post Apocalyptic Survival Thriller, Books 0-3
- By: Derek Shupert
- Narrated by: Chris Monteiro
- Length: 15 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
-
Story
Dr. Saunders skyrocketed to the precipice of immortality when his brainchild, Project Starlight, was green-lit by his company. He would be remembered forever, but not for the reason he hoped. There was a dark side. Was his technology being used for another purpose? Someone at their parent company has a secret. Without his knowledge, his science was being perverted through genetics. They’ve been testing on human subjects. The poor souls strapped to the injectors have suffered. What is Trans Global Pharmaceuticals' plan?
-
-
What did I just listen to?
- By Elaine on 10-22-21
By: Derek Shupert
-
The Complete Survive the Fall Series (A Post Apocalyptic Survival Thriller, Books 1-5)
- By: Derek Shupert
- Narrated by: Stacey Glemboski
- Length: 30 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Russell Cage would much rather work on his crumbling marriage and life than leave town with his best friend. But the fun weekend planned turns tragic when their plane loses power in the Blue Ridge Mountains. Battered and beaten, Russell emerges from the wreckage alone with no choice but to hike through the mountains and find help. Included in this box set: The Complete Survive the Fall Series.
-
-
Idiots in an apocalypse
- By Dan H on 09-16-21
By: Derek Shupert
-
Zombie Rush: Books 1 and 2
- By: Joseph Hansen
- Narrated by: Stephen Bel Davies
- Length: 14 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
New to the Hot Springs PD, Lisa Reynolds was not all that welcomed by her coworkers, especially those who were passed over for the position. But it didn't matter anymore. Her 30-day probation period ended on the same day of the Z-poc's arrival. Overnight the world goes from bad to worse as thousands die in the initial onslaught. National Guard and regular military units deployed the day before to the north leave the city in mayhem. All directions lead to death until one unlikely candidate steps forward with a plan.
-
-
My first zombie book, and I loved it!
- By Ben on 11-01-16
By: Joseph Hansen
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Awakening
- The Hunt Chronicles, Book 1
- By: J. D. Demers
- Narrated by: Joshua Story
- Length: 9 hrs
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
After a contagion engulfs humanity, zombies rise to feast on the few survivors that are left. But they are not the worst monsters to come from this plague. There is hope, though: Christian Hunt is immune. But how many lives will it take to bring his gift to what's left of mankind?
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I wish I had thought of that!
- By TW Brown, Author, Editor, and Reviewer on 06-15-15
By: J. D. Demers