• Try Softer

  • A Fresh Approach to Move Us out of Anxiety, Stress, and Survival Mode-and into a Life of Connection and Joy
  • By: Aundi Kolber
  • Narrated by: Aundi Kolber
  • Length: 5 hrs and 57 mins
  • 4.8 out of 5 stars (606 ratings)

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Try Softer

By: Aundi Kolber
Narrated by: Aundi Kolber
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Publisher's summary

In a world that preaches a "try harder" gospel-just keep going, keep hustling, keep pretending we're all fine-we're left exhausted, overwhelmed, and so numb to our lives. If we're honest, we've been overfunctioning for so long, we can't even imagine another way. How else will things get done? How else will we survive?

It doesn't have to be this way. Aundi Kolber believes that we don't have to white-knuckle our way through life. In her debut book, Try Softer, she'll show us how God specifically designed our bodies and minds to work together to process our stories and work through obstacles. Through the latest psychology, practical clinical exercises, and her own personal story, Aundi equips and empowers us to connect us to our truest self and truly live. This is the "try softer" life.

In Try Softer, you'll learn how to: know and set emotional and relational boundaries; make sense of the difficult experiences you've had; identify your attachment style-and how that affects your relationships today; move through emotions rather than get stuck by them; and grow in self-compassion and talk back to your inner critic. Trying softer is sacred work. And while it won't be perfect or easy, it will be worth it. Because this is what we were made for: a living, breathing, moving, feeling, connected, beautifully incarnational life.

©2020 Andrea M. Kolber (P)2020 eChristian

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Trauma therapy simplified for us all!

Great book! She simplifies complex trauma informed treatment using a multidisciplinary approach. She uses biological, mental, and spiritual concepts to promote healing.

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4 people found this helpful

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Best book I have read in a long time

I could not stop listening to the author. I finished this book to the end in record time. I only stopped to eat, and sleep. I highly recommend this book to anyone who has ever had any type of dysfunction in your life. Her love for Jesus and her family are so inspiring. My own stress level is in the red zone due to a toxic marriage. She has given me confidence to change, and confidence to reaffirm and remind myself that I am called beloved by God and I am valued. Thank you for all of your hard work. This book has changed me for the better. God bless you. Go ahead and order this book. You will not have any regrets. Gift a book for a friend who is struggling. Love them enough to help them understand they are loved and valued.

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Antidote to Trying Harder

In a world of "try harder" messaging from so many in Christian circles, this book provides another much-needed perspective that integrates research-based approaches along with biblical perspectives.

Such great advancements in understanding the nervous system are being made through work by Elizabeth Stanley, Kathy Kain, Stephen Porges, Irene Lyon, Dr Howard Schubiner and so many more, yet, at times it seems like Christian circles are unaware and sometimes promote (unbiblical) top-down/thinking brain approaches. This book helps illustrate why that's counterproductive for someone who has experienced trauma, or even people who haven't.

Without getting bogged down in theory, Kolber shares enough theory to build conviction behind the theme in each chapter, then goes on to share extremely practical and helpful exercises that the reader can do the moment they read them. I'm still so impressed that she made such deep theory so approachable and simple - not an easy feat!

I listened first via Audible and it was fun to hear the author read and express her points - with such empathy and softness in her voice. Then, because it was so impactful, I bought the book and highlighted/flagged it up because the message is so important for me and the women I interact with. The fact that I bought both versions demonstrates how important I think this work is.

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Exactly what I needed

Exactly what I needed next in my emotional & spiritual journey. There aren't a lot of books focused specifically on emotional healing that integrate Christian beliefs. Aundi did a great job address BIG T and little t traumas and bringing it back to the Word for healing. I highly recommend this book. So glad it came up on my book recommendations bc trust me, you don't want to miss this one! ❤

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this book is packed with wisdom and practical help

This is one of the best books I’ve read related to mental health, story work, and growth. It combines the most solid research-based information about attachment and interpersonal neurobiology with compassionate practical helps to apply these truths to your own story of brokenness and redemption. I am a Christian and a therapist as well, and I appreciated the author incorporating her own Christian faith as part of the healing journey. Faith and the Bible are not used to dismiss or for spiritual bypassing, which I greatly value. I listened on audible, read by the author, and she has a delightful speaking voice and cadence. I will, though, buy the physical book because this will be a resource for years to come.

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So good. Timely and needed.

This is such a needed and timely book for society and for me personally. Christian culture tends to push us to “try harder” despite the fact that Jesus never preached anything similar. His yoke is light, right? This is the book about integrated compassion and kindness that we desperately need. Aundi Kolber not only writes well on a much-needed topic, she also narrates delightfully.

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THIS is the method I’ve been searching for

Aundi writes from her own story and all of her educational background. Anyone (no matter their religious belief) can gain so many helpful tools and and get a great start to dealing with our brains and body’s and the trauma they hold. It’s time to get unstuck! As a recovering addict with not great self Dialogue this book is helping me tremendously. Thank you! I will be going through the work book as soon as I’m done listen.

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Life-changing!

Wonderful practical advice. I’ve worked on my healing for years, and much of this I’ve never heard!I appreciate the author’s kindness and compassion throughout!

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Good, but not for me

The parts that spoke the most to me were the biblical references and reflecting on how God sees us and examples of stories in the Bible. Those gave me a lot of comfort and reflection. I appreciated reading a book on psychology that puts it in context with God and my faith.

I believe this book can be incredibly helpful for many people, but I didn’t feel like it met me where I’m at currently.

There is a lot of heavy placemat on your upbringing and trauma due to the trauma of how your parents responded to you growing up and damage they did and how setting boundaries and recognizing the triggers of why you are how you are. While I do think there’s a lot of weight in that to an extent, I think everyone has trauma or perceived trauma from some part of their lives, and I don’t think it all stems from how your parents raised you.

I have a lot of anxiety in my life from learned world experiences outside my home and I have done a lot of self reflection over the years and have worked out a lot of my past (little “t”) traumas and perceived traumas, recognize triggers, and have used many of the grounding and sensory exercises for years that she gives in the book.

The whole first section talking about how your parents responses to you growing up and how they’ve caused trauma and anxiety actually gave me anxiety, because instead of reflecting on how my parents raised me or how it influenced me, I started reflecting on if I have been subconsciously causing trauma to my kids for the last 15-19 years and if they’re going to need a therapist, because I messed them up in someway.

The second part of the book was better for me. I do like that she repeats “try softer” a lot. It’s a good mantra. While I haven’t used that particular phrase with myself, I’ll probably add it to my list of “Give it to God” and “Sometimes you have to just relax and let the ship sink.” When things are out of my control and pushing harder isn’t going to fix anything.

I felt like a lot of the kind words Aundi suggests to use with yourself are good for people struggling with self esteem, which are things I also have also already worked on for years and in general isn’t a problem most of the time. While this didn’t exactly give me the support in the direction I was looking, it did give me reassurance that I’m kind of tackling my issues in the right direction, though.

Some of the terminology used for self soothing is a bit fluffy for me, but I’m sure it is exactly what a lot of people need to hear.

It’s not a bad book, but I didn’t find it very helpful. It’s probably better for people at the beginning of their journeys into self healing who need to tackle/have never tackled/avoid tackling their deep rooted issues.

I think it’s less effective for people who have dealt with a lot of their origin issues and are moving into new uncharted territories/struggles of their lives.

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Connecting truth with psychology

What an excellent connection of biology, psychology of our brain and trauma with the grace and truth of our Lord and savior. Encouraging, inspiring, and validating. 

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