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The Covert Passive-Aggressive Narcissist

Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse
Narrated by: Debbie Mirza
Length: 6 hrs and 42 mins
5 out of 5 stars (177 ratings)
Regular price: $19.95
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Publisher's Summary

The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse is the most comprehensive and helpful audiobook on the topic of covert narcissism. This type of narcissism is one of the most damaging forms because the abuse is so hidden and so insidious. You can be in a relationship that can last for decades and not realize you are being psychologically and emotionally controlled, manipulated, and abused. 

These people are well-liked; they are often the pillars of the community. Parents, spouses, bosses, and friends who are covert narcissists come across as the nicest people. They can be spiritual leaders, they are moms who bring over casseroles to needy people, they are the bosses who everyone loves and feels so lucky to work for. 

These relationships are incredibly confusing and damaging. They leave you questioning your own sanity and reality. Even though they are treating you terribly, you wonder if you are the problem, if you are the one to blame. You are filled with constant self-doubt when it comes to these people in your life. When you are around them, you feel confused and muddled inside. You have a hard time seeing clearly. 

These relationships can bring you to a state of deep depression and complete depletion of energy. You may wonder if you will ever see clearly and heal from these destructive and debilitating relationships. 

This audiobook will give you hope that you can heal and feel alive again, or maybe for the first time. You will learn what the traits of a covert narcissist are, as well as how they control and manipulate. Your eyes will open, and your experience will be validated. You will also learn ways to heal and actually enjoy life again. 

Debbie Mirza uses decades of her own experience with covert narcissists as well as her years of practice as a life coach who specializes in helping people recover and heal from these types of relationships.

©2017 Debra Mirza (P)2018 Debra Mirza

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This book CHANGED MY LIFE!

12 years with a man, 2 kids, a seemingly perfect life but I had a secret! I just didn’t know what to call it? Or how to even explain it?! It wasn’t until my couples counselor mentioned the word narcissist to me in a one on one session, that i began researching what a Narcissist really was? The classic definition just didn’t fit, and even though I knew this was a one-sided relationship that had to be his way always, I would have never labeled him a narcissist...until this book and until Debbie Mirza introduced me to the COVERT
Narcissist! My marriage was a puzzle with the main pieces missing, and through this book I got every piece I needed to get the mental closure I knew I would never get from him! After reading the book through tears and yes nods, I discovered the audible version! I am so happy to be hearing the author in her own words with everything she emotes! This is a wonderful book and I’m certain it will help so many people who are just down right confused and give them the strength and tools to move forward in their life!

20 of 20 people found this review helpful

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A life changing & saving book.

I bought the kindle and audible version of this book, it is one of the most important books I have ever read. I was married for 26 years to a man who had the angelic mask of sweet, quiet, shy and gentle artist. Yet, I never felt safe with him in public, I just couldn't ever explain why. When we were in private he was very loving and attentive but in public he was indifferent, other-focused and everyone around us reacted to him in such a way that marginalized and invalidated me. I slowly disappeared into his shadow, but everything was so subtle it couldn't possibly be his fault. My confidence drained away, as I was no longer competent to do the simplest things and he was always having to show me how to do everything right, the things I had created or excelled at were no longer valued until I was too inept to even feed my dog properly, even though it was a recipe I had come up with to save him from the agony of his chronic pancreatitis — it was a very slow drip-drip-drip as the life force drained from me. After 26 years of doting on him, running our lives and business, I got very ill and his mask came off. My confusion and horror was profound as he turned into a raging, aggressive and violent stranger. I had no idea what was happening and the therapists I turned to had no idea what was happening and traumatized me more. I thought the stress of my illness had caused a depression in him but then he told me all about his true past, his double-life the entire time we were together, about his sex addiction and how much he wanted me gone to the point of trying to talk me into suicide so my life insurance could keep him and our dogs in their home. The person I'd believed in and adored for over half my life was a monster who I had never known, everything I was told and believed in was a lie. My usefulness was over, my life no longer had value and he did everything possible to offload his toxic shame and all the blame on to me. It's been an unreal experience. It's woken me up to so much about myself and others in my life. It will be a long journey to recover but I am free now to live life in a safe space, choosing only people who are good for me and being able to finally recognize who those people are.

There is so much written about narcissism, with only some written about covert narcissism, but nothing I've read (and I've read hundreds of books, blogs, articles, etc.) comes close to explaining the complexity, duality, and profound confusion of a true pathological covert narcissist experience, like Debbie does with her book. Being able to plug into the audible version while going about my day allows me to keep Debbie's validating message in my ear when I wobble, and I wobble a lot. Debbie's voice as a reader is perfect, very often authors can make the worst readers but she is pitch perfect.

I strongly recommend this book highly to anyone who has suffered through a confusing relationship which suddenly turns, who cannot find answers that make sense and who have been altered by an experience that is so difficult to explain. This book is validating and can help the healing process like no other. There are answers here, there is compassion and there is hope. The isolation from this experience can be devastating, but we are not alone and we can recover and feel solid ground beneath our feet again.

27 of 28 people found this review helpful

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Exactly What I Needed

I’ve read several books on narcissism and personality disorders searching for answers as to what happened with my marriage and to explain my CN ex-husband. While they were all helpful, none of these books explained my situation precisely until I read this book. It hit the nail on the head - exactly. I couldn’t have described it better myself. I now can put my finger on it and just being able to define him has helped me tremendously. Thank you, Debbie. This book is exactly what I needed.

7 of 7 people found this review helpful

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Amazing!!!!

This is a must "hear" for anyone that ever was or is in a relationship with a Covert Narcissist. Hearing this was like listening to my life with Kim, my Covert Narcissist. Thank you Debbie for writing this book. Your narration was truly great!

7 of 7 people found this review helpful

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Helpful in understanding past, present, and future

This book is a helpful for not only the victims of covert narcissists (CN), but also the people in the victim's life who want to better understand what they have gone through. It gives a deeper understanding of past trauma, current CN behaviour, and what to expect in the future from this toxic person. This is useful to both heal from trauma, as well as to fortify against further attacks. Thank you to the author for writing this, and to everyone who shared their stories about such a difficult time in their lives. It gives us hope for a better future.

6 of 6 people found this review helpful

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Finally all the pieces fit into place for me.

This book was the most informative piece of work I have read about covert narcissism. Debbie laid out in great detail “my story.” I felt every word. I relived every situation over again. There wasn’t one thing in this book that I didn’t relate to. I can now finally rest from my nightmare. It wasn’t my fault. I was a victim of covert narcissism. Thanks to Debbie’s exhaustive research, I look forward to living my own life knowing the truth of who I really am. A good person with compassion toward others and the ability to give and receive real love. Thanks to Debbie’s commitment toward helping others to recover, I will forever be grateful.


5 of 5 people found this review helpful

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Healing!!!!

I’m a therapist, and I was in a relationship with a CN for 16 years!!! I thought I could/should make it work. I thought it was me...him...me!!! The confusion kept me stuck. The shame and guilt kept me stuck. I finally got divorced after the 4th physical altercation in 16 yrs, which he labeled as “isolated incidents” that do not make him an abuser, and then still spent weeks in the pits of my sorrow...guilt, shame, confusion! I came upon this book after listening to “Duped.” I cannot thank you enough for EXACTLY what I needed to start ACTUALLY healing...to stop feeling CRAZY! I clipped so many pieces of this book, it actually began to humor me. Thank you! I will recommend this book to hundreds of clients in the future...I’m certain!

4 of 4 people found this review helpful

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  • MW
  • 01-03-19

Aha! moment? mouth wide open cover to cover!

In a desperate search to figure out what was happening to my 22-year marriage (to a Dr. of Psychology), I stumbled across sound bites of information about covert narcissism. Never enough to understand the profound emotional and physical effect it has on families. I have been living CN free for 5 years and in treatment with 3 therapists, I got more from this book in 5 hours! The similarities between my life and of the stories told in this book were stunning. It also made me realize that I still have work to do towards healing and protecting my children. I hit "clip" and "add note" so often that I ended up buying hard copies to share with my family and friends who literally saved my life during the discard stage. Thank you for this book, Ms. Mirza, and for shedding light on this closeted form of narcissism. I feel hope, lightness and most importantly not alone. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!

3 of 3 people found this review helpful

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lifesaving!

I couldn't stop listening, crying, and smiling...beautiful, intelligent, insightful, affirming, loving, and hopefull.

And now I have the strength to keep uncovering the truth of this 30 year illusion with a CN. I totally agree that this is the most dangerous kind of partner because what you think is real is another lie. They are pretenders...get out while you can. Without resources like this book, I was ready to give up. The author knows our hell and the path out.

2 of 2 people found this review helpful

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Validation in every statement!

First of all, I never - and I really mean NEVER - ever write reviews for anything. With that said, I’m not even through the first chapter yet & already it’s like I’m hearing pages right out of the story of my life. Just hearing this little portion is already greatly blowing away many of those clouds of foggy confusion. I have needed this book so often in my life! I’ve read & listen to countless self help books aimed at what I’ve been through repeatedly in relationships & within the first few pages of this book, I know it is the one I’ve been searching for. If any of this sounds familiar to your personal experience, don’t hesitate another second - get this book! You’ll be forever happy you did - I promise!

2 of 2 people found this review helpful

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  • Queenofsuccess
  • 03-13-19

Wow wow wow

This book was som empowering! It described my ex husband not the T. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom!

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  • Sarah Greenaway
  • 02-06-19

Amazing read

I've read a lot of books on this subject and this is the best by far.

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  • jaise
  • 01-09-19

absolutely awful

I could NOT listen to this at all after the first couple of chapters. Clearly the author has a bone to pick with humans they have interacted with in the past and the rants are painful to bear. In other words, if you disagree with someone who is in the personality range of being more neurotic or less assertive then you can jolly well class yourself as a covert narcissistic, painfully and chronically harming innocent victims. Unscientific rambling, a bit like this review. But i didnt get people to pay for it.

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  • Anonymous User
  • 01-07-19

Exceptional and eye opening book.

Very useful and helpful information, tools and advices based on real people and stories. Loved this book.

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  • Anonymous User
  • 12-22-18

empowering read

This book picked me up just when I needed it. It gave me some hope that I can be strong enough to leave. It's a nourishing book that made me feel loved.