It Didn't Start with You

How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle

By: Mark Wolynn

Narrated by: Mark Wolynn

A groundbreaking approach to transforming traumatic legacies passed down in families over generations, by an acclaimed expert in the field

Depression. Anxiety. Chronic Pain. Phobias. Obsessive thoughts. The evidence is compelling: the roots of these difficulties may not reside in our immediate life experience or in chemical imbalances in our brains—but in the lives of our parents, grandparents, and even great-grandparents. The latest scientific research, now making headlines, supports what many have long intuited—that traumatic experience can be passed down through generations. It Didn’t Start with You builds on the work of leading experts in post-traumatic stress, including Mount Sinai School of Medicine neuroscientist Rachel Yehuda and psychiatrist Bessel van der Kolk, author of The Body Keeps the Score. Even if the person who suffered the original trauma has died, or the story has been forgotten or silenced, memory and feelings can live on. These emotional legacies are often hidden, encoded in everything from gene expression to everyday language, and they play a far greater role in our emotional and physical health than has ever before been understood.

As a pioneer in the field of inherited family trauma, Mark Wolynn has worked with individuals and groups on a therapeutic level for over twenty years. It Didn’t Start with You offers a pragmatic and prescriptive guide to his method, the Core Language Approach. Diagnostic self-inventories provide a way to uncover the fears and anxieties conveyed through everyday words, behaviors, and physical symptoms. Techniques for developing a genogram or extended family tree create a map of experiences going back through the generations. And visualization, active imagination, and direct dialogue create pathways to reconnection, integration, and reclaiming life and health. It Didn’t Start With You is a transformative approach to resolving longstanding difficulties that in many cases, traditional therapy, drugs, or other interventions have not had the capacity to touch.

Includes a bonus PDF with diagrams and writing exercises

Critic reviews

One of Healthline’s 13 Best Mental Health Books of 2022
One of Cosmopolitan’s 15 Books About Mental Health That Everyone Should Read
One of Men’s Health’s 20 Best Mental Health Books to Read in 2022
One of Choosing Therapy’s 10 Best PTSD & Trauma Books for 2021
Winner of the 2016 Nautilus Book Award in Psychology
Finalist for the 2016 Books for a Better Life Award

“Mark Wolynn does a masterful job of illuminating the ways in which our ancestors’ unresolved suffering, often unknown to us, disables us and binds us painfully to them. He gives us the tools and skills—an approach that combines understanding, imaginative dialogues, and compassionate reconnection—to free and heal ourselves.”
—James S. Gordon, MD, author of Unstuck: Your Guide to the Seven-Stage Journey Out of Depression

“It Didn’t Start with You takes us a big step forward, advancing the fields of trauma therapy, mindfulness applications, and human understanding. It is a bold, creative, and compassionate work.”
—Sharon Salzberg, author of Lovingkindness and Real Happiness

“This groundbreaking book offers a compelling understanding of inherited trauma and fresh, powerful tools for relieving its suffering. Mark Wolynn is a wise and trustworthy guide on the journey toward healing.”
—Tara Brach, PhD, author of Radical Acceptance and True Refuge

“Mark Wolynn’s extraordinary book cracks the secret code of families and proves that you can go home again—once you understand how history made you. Full of life-changing stories, powerful insights, and practical tools for personal healing, It Didn't Start With You deserves a place on your bookshelf next to Alice Miller’s The Drama of the Gifted Child and Dan Siegel’s The Developing Mind. You’ll never see your family the same way again.”
—Mark Matousek, author of Ethical Wisdom

“Bridging both neuroscience and psychodynamic thinking, It Didn’t Start with You provides the reader with Mark Wolynn’s hard-earned toolbox of do-it-yourself clinical aids and provocative insights.”
—Jess P. Shatkin, MD, MPH, Vice Chair for Education at NYU Langone Medical Center’s Child Study Center and author of Child & Adolescent Mental Health

“After reading It Didn’t Start with You, I found myself immediately able to apply Mark Wolynn’s techniques with my patients and saw incredible results, in a shorter time than with traditional psychotherapeutic techniques. I encourage you to read this book. It’s truly cutting edge.”
—Alexanndra Kreps, MD

African American trauma experience

Would've been helpful to have illustrations on how African American post-slavery trauma is treated.

Mixed bag

I was into it until he started making huge leaps between empirical and anecdotal findings. The book starts with a lot of talk about biology and genetics in the hopes to make the later part credible, where it essentially moves into being literally haunted by your ancestors.

Great book but not for audible

I love this book. But this is really like a workbook and if you are driving while listening to this, like I always do, it’s not a good book for you. I would recommend reading it not listening to it because you wont be able to do any of the exercises.

Outstanding

Love this very effective and complex modality of Family Constellation. Mark Wolynn does a remarkable job to explain how it works, and why it is so valuable. Interesting and fairly easy to listen! A must buy if you are interested in learning about family constellation!

goosbumps

wow there was just so much there it took me back. I have alot of work to do but i am looking fowards to it! onward.....

On a healing journey? THE PERFECT READ

This book was the perfect read for anyone on any type of healing journey. It’s a real eye opener. The accompanying pdf made it interactive, and made it feel as though you were physically doing the needed work to heal yourself. 10/10. I would recommend this to anybody!!!

Eye opening

Gave me a new perspective and better understanding of generational trauma. A very valuable read.

What you really need to heal all traumas!

Amazing read, easy to follow, great advice on finding. The true root case of the trauma is the solution to your “so perceived

Spot On Read

excellent traumatic experience self help book direct childhood connections to adulthood blue print on how to recalubrate mentally

Insightful & Helpful

I thought this book wouldn't be for me when I first started listening. I have a good relationship with my parents and don't suffer from any anxiety. Still, I chose to listen and I'm so glad I did. There is so much to be gained from this book that reaches deeper than what your conscious mind could have considered. This book had me searching my family history and asking questions about relatives I never had the chance to meet. It helped me realize that some events in my life (or before me) were primary traumas for my parents and grandparents. Highly recommend.