High Conflict

Why We Get Trapped and How We Get Out

By: Amanda Ripley

Narrated by: Amanda Ripley

Length: 9 hrs and 50 mins

Publisher's summary

When we are baffled by the insanity of the “other side”—in our politics, at work, or at home—it’s because we aren’t seeing how the conflict itself has taken over.

That’s what “high conflict” does. It’s the invisible hand of our time. And it’s different from the useful friction of healthy conflict. That’s good conflict, and it’s a necessary force that pushes us to be better people.

High conflict is what happens when discord distills into a good-versus-evil kind of feud, the kind with an us and a them. In this state, the brain behaves differently. We feel increasingly certain of our own superiority, and everything we do to try to end the conflict, usually makes it worse. Eventually, we can start to mimic the behavior of our adversaries, harming what we hold most dear.

In this “compulsively readable” (Evan Osnos, National Book Award-winning author) book, New York Times bestselling author and award-winning journalist Amanda Ripley investigates how good people get captured by high conflict—and how they break free.

Our journey begins in California, where a world-renowned conflict expert struggles to extract himself from a political feud. Then we meet a Chicago gang leader who dedicates his life to a vendetta—only to realize, years later, that the story he’d told himself about the conflict was not quite true. Next, we travel to Colombia, to find out whether thousands of people can be nudged out of high conflict at scale. Finally, we return to America to see what happens when a group of liberal Manhattan Jews and conservative Michigan corrections officers choose to stay in each other’s homes in order to understand one another better, even as they continue to disagree.

All these people, in dramatically different situations, were drawn into high conflict by similar forces, including conflict entrepreneurs, humiliation, and false binaries. But ultimately, all of them found ways to transform high conflict into good conflict, the kind that made them better people. They rehumanized and recatego­rized their opponents, and they revived curiosity and wonder, even as they continued to fight for what they knew was right.

People do escape high conflict. Individuals—even entire communities—can short-circuit the feedback loops of outrage and blame, if they want to. This is an “insightful and enthralling” (The New York Times Book Review) book—and a mind-opening new way to think about conflict that will transform how we move through the world.

Featuring audio highlights from actual interviews, town hall meetings, and podcasts.

©2021 Amanda Ripley. All rights reserved. (P)2021 Simon & Schuster, Inc. All rights reserved.

Unlikely book that will certainly get your attention.

This book was recommended to me by my boss at work and this is definitely not a book that I would typically pick out for myself. I enjoyed hearing the nonfiction stories used throughout to explain what high conflict is. I enjoyed the author’s audiobook, she has a very nice voice to listen to. The only feedback I have is that I wish the how to get out of high conflict was more defined. There are appendix at the end that go into this. Maybe that might be a whole other book on its own! Regardless I found it passed my expectations. It was insightful and I think listening to this book is something that anyone can benefit from.

useful, relevant take

I got more out of this book than I thought I would. a useful reframe of how to navigate conflict productively.

Solving conflicts well

This book was a game changer for me. Helped me recognize my own parts in low conflict situations. Gave me the courage to practice conflict solving and asking hard questions.

One of the top 3 books I’ve ever read

This book has so much rich knowledge in it it’s hard to dissect all at once. I am a physician and listening is some thing that is paramount to what I do, yet conflict rises constantly throughout my day. Many of them are small conflicts but once in a while a true high conflict situation arises. It’s been difficult for many of us in the medical field to really understand how to handle conflict. I believe this book is a valuable tool for all of us individually, but many of us who work in fields with significant and voluminous human interaction would benefit most from listening to Amanda Ripleys wonderful thesis on conflict.

An important book with timely, implications

A well written, well researched and well narrated book that would be important at any time, but perhaps, especially resonant now, at a time of heightened polarization and high conflict in the United States

For everyone to hear/read!

Loved it! Couldn't stop listening to the stories and lessons. We all need to seek more understanding and work on our curiosity muscles.

Fantastic and insightful!

Nothing short of brilliant! Anyone will learn from this book. And superb narration. Need to re-read/listen.

well written, compelling diagnosis & prescription

It's well written, compelling, and believable. highly recommended for anyone wondering if there's a way out of polarized times.

Vital information for everyone

I loved this book! It was packed with interesting stories and examples that made me understand the work I need to do to begin to have better conversations. It isn’t easy to have conflict but through this book there are examples of why some conflict helps us grow and how high conflict limits us. It definitely makes me want to learn more about the topic and stretch beyond my comfort level. The author does a great job narrating too. I highly recommend this book!

A must read for every American

We are all trapped in High Conflict and Amanda Ripley provides real stories of hope and suggestions for how we can listen deeply, reframe, and shift away from this dangerous mindset.