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Brothers, Sisters, Strangers
- Sibling Estrangement and the Road to Reconciliation
- Narrated by: Gabra Zackman, Fred Sanders
- Length: 8 hrs and 26 mins
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Publisher's Summary
A warm, empathetic guide to understanding, coping with, and healing from the unique pain of sibling estrangement
"Whenever I tell people that I am working on a book about sibling estrangement, they sit up a little straighter and lean in, as if I've tapped in to a dark secret."
Fern Schumer Chapman understands the pain of sibling estrangement firsthand. For the better part of 40 years, she had nearly no relationship with her only brother, despite many attempts at reconnection. Her grief and shame were devastating and isolating. But when she tried to turn to others for help, she found that a profound stigma still surrounded estrangement, and that very little statistical and psychological research existed to help her better understand the rift that had broken up her family. So she decided to conduct her own research, interviewing psychologists and estranged siblings as well as recording the extraordinary story of her own rift with her brother - and subsequent reconciliation.
Brothers, Sisters, Strangers is the result - a thoughtfully researched memoir that illuminates both the author's own story and the greater phenomenon of estrangement. Chapman helps listeners work through the challenges of rebuilding a sibling relationship that seems damaged beyond repair, as well as understand when estrangement is the best option. It is at once a detailed framework for understanding sibling estrangement, a beacon of solidarity and comfort for the estranged, and a moving memoir about family trauma, addiction, grief, and recovery.
Critic Reviews
“Moving...Chapman’s at her best when speaking about the vulnerability required of both sister and brother to repair their relationship. This reflective tale both captivates and educates.” (Publishers Weekly)
“Fern Schumer Chapman is a superb writer. In this stunning family memoir, she fearlessly probes the 40-year estrangement from her brother and chronicles their uneasy road to reconciliation. Along the way, she deftly weaves in pertinent social science research, capturing the voices and insights of hundreds of people suffering from sibling alienation. Brothers, Sisters, Strangers deserves to be read and discussed for years to come.” (James B. Lieber, Pulitzer Prize-nominated author of Friendly Takeover)
“A primer in mending familial fences blended with an affecting memoir.” (Kirkus Reviews)
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What listeners say about Brothers, Sisters, Strangers
Average Customer RatingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Josh J.
- 01-26-22
tough topic, very well done and needed
I loved this book. it helped me to step back and view my estrangement from a new lense and come to a place of healing, even apart from reconciliation. thank you for sharing your story, for providing great questions to consider and for being part of my own journey. I'm glad God brought this book to me
1 person found this helpful
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- Michelle Myrmel
- 01-11-22
Essential for any Possibly-Estranged Family Members
This book is amazing. It’s heartfelt, inspiring, looks clearly at the pain of falling away from family (specifically siblings). Interwoven with robust, scientific research on the subject from academia of therapy, the personal story of the author (a professional therapist, I believe) and accounts the author collects for research for this book. I found it very insightful, helpful, instructive and overall validating of the approach I have attempted to broach in my own situations.
The author mentions that the few researchers that focus on Sibling Estrangement state that they consider it a current epidemic. When I reflect on my own life, my own connections, their stories, I can see this may be true- I have known at least one or more persons in any social sphere that seems to be estranged from their sibling. This book may help us understand how to heal thoroughly, regardless of whether we’re the one cut off, or cutting off, or witness to the cut.
1 person found this helpful
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- Kimberley Liebergot
- 01-10-23
So relatable!
This is a great listen if you are experiencing estrangement from a sibling. Wonderful narration as well.
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- AGM Design
- 11-29-22
A helpful guide to understand unhealthy family dynamics
It provided me with an appreciation
for how complicated family systems become when one or both parents avoid the uncomfortable work of resolving their own issues and, without thought, allow the vast scope of intergenerational dysfunction to roll right into their children’s life. It’s difficult to accept how any parent is blind to imposing the same inescapable pain they suffered onto one or more of their children. But this brand of abuse happens all the time, especially by parents who have children as a means to make their child their emotional caretaker. I understand more clearly how the parent's deficits and immaturity will convey and transfer their angst onto their children to bear, thus causing division among the siblings. It’s difficult to accept a parent's refusal to take their child’s reality has mirrored their own childhood. In my case, I’ll never hear my mother accept any ownership of her misguided decisions. And my mother will continue to avoid responsibility and refuses to discuss it.
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- C. Bournea
- 07-12-22
An Inspiring Story
“Brothers, Sisters, Strangers” is an inspiring story of how the author and her brother mended their relationship after decades of being out of touch. Anyone who has experienced issues with family will get a lot out of this book.
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- Amazon Customer
- 12-01-21
Sisters and Brothers
I found this book to be very informative and helpful. As the oldest of five very different and complicated siblings, I feel this book will help me navigate these relationships.
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- Joann M. Putman
- 10-01-21
Imsightful.
Helped me understand some if my own family dynamics. Touching story of the authorized and her brother.
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- J. Kellogg
- 06-01-21
Beautifully written and deeply insightful
This is a fascinating first-person account of a traumatic, decades-long sibling rift, It is also a practical, well-researched resource on sibling estrangement and an excellent guide for those seeking reconciliation. The author writes movingly of the painful family history she and her brother share and the journey they each make to overcome it. Brothers, Sisters Strangers is both a remarkable memoir and an examination of the debilitating shame and emotional damage caused by sibling estrangement.
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- Jacqueline Swan
- 09-11-21
Amazing book
I have listened to this book twice already and will probably listen to it several more times. It has been my anchor of hope and my solace. I have been painfully separated from my sister for a few years now and I long to find a way back. There was a lot of good advice and resources. The stories were comforting too and I could relate to a lot of it. There were things shared that I have never heard before that I thought I was alone in experiencing. Now I know that I am completely normal and just the same as everybody else experiencing estrangement. It is a painful process.
1 person found this helpful
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- youraveragewoman
- 08-12-21
Incredible
This has helped so much. I was amazed by how much I related to the experiences in this book. A God send
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- By Attorney Shenandoah Titus - Author of THE WHISTLEBLOWER: Defeating Bullies, Harassers & Management Gang Retaliation (Amazon) on 08-27-20
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Rules of Estrangement
- Why Adult Children Cut Ties and How to Heal the Conflict
- By: Joshua Coleman
- Narrated by: Fred Sanders
- Length: 9 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Labeled a silent epidemic by a growing number of therapists and researchers, estrangement is one of the most disorienting and painful experiences of a parent's life. Popular opinion typically tells a one-sided story of parents who got what they deserved or overly entitled adult children who wrongly blame their parents. However, the reasons for estrangement are far more complex and varied.
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Excellent book for the parent's perspective
- By Anand on 06-11-21
By: Joshua Coleman
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Shadow Daughter
- A Memoir of Estrangement
- By: Harriet Brown
- Narrated by: Harriet Brown
- Length: 8 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Shadow Daughter tackles a subject we rarely discuss as a culture: Family estrangements, especially those between parents and adult children. Estrangements - between parents and children, siblings, multiple generations - are surprisingly common, and even families that aren't officially estranged often have some experience of deep conflicts. Estrangement is an issue that touches most people, one way or another, one that's still shrouded in secrecy, stigma, and shame.
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Mother to estranged daughter.
- By Nancy Good on 04-14-20
By: Harriet Brown
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Healing From Family Rifts
- Ten Steps to Finding Peace After Being Cut Off From a Family Member
- By: Mark Sichel
- Narrated by: Paul Brion
- Length: 8 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
A family rift is one of the most traumatic experiences a person can face. It can have a profound effect on virtually every aspect of life, causing depression, relationship problems, and even physical illness. Healing From Family Rifts offers hope to those coping with a split in their families. Family therapist Mark Sichel addresses the pain and shame connected with family rifts and offers a way through the crisis and on toward healing. Uniquely, Sichel does not assume that every rift will or even should be mended. Instead, he offers ways to recover from any outcome.
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Excellent in every way
- By Mary on 11-07-21
By: Mark Sichel
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Adult Survivors of Toxic Family Members
- Tools to Maintain Boundaries, Deal with Criticism, and Heal from Shame After Ties Have Been Cut
- By: Sherrie Campbell PhD, Wendy T. Behary LCSW - foreword
- Narrated by: Sherrie Campbell
- Length: 7 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Do you have a toxic family member? Do you feel like cutting ties with this person—even as painful and scary as that may sound—would dramatically increase your well-being and improve your life? You're not alone. In Adult Survivors of Toxic Family Members, psychologist and toxic family survivor Sherrie Campbell offers effective strategies for setting strong boundaries after ending contact with a toxic family member, and provides powerful tools to help you heal from shame, self-doubt, and stigma. You'll find the validation you need to embrace your decision with pride.
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My New Normal.
- By Cynthia Rose on 07-07-22
By: Sherrie Campbell PhD, and others
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Fault Lines
- Fractured Families and How to Mend Them
- By: Karl Pillemer
- Narrated by: Sean Pratt
- Length: 9 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Estrangement from a family member is one of the most painful life experiences. It is devastating not only to the individuals directly involved - collateral damage can extend upward, downward, and across generations. More than 65 million Americans suffer such rifts, yet little guidance exists on how to cope with and overcome them. In this book, Karl Pillemer combines the advice of people who have successfully reconciled with powerful insights from social science research. The result is a unique guide to mending fractured families.
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Helpful, but...
- By turtles2 on 03-29-22
By: Karl Pillemer
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But It’s Your Family...
- Cutting Ties with Toxic Family Members and Loving Yourself in the Aftermath
- By: Dr. Sherrie Campbell
- Narrated by: Dr. Sherrie Campbell
- Length: 8 hrs and 25 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
But It’s Your Family is a remarkable account of what it means to cut ties to toxic family abuse and thrive in the aftermath. Loving someone doesn’t always mean having a relationship with them, just like forgiveness doesn’t always mean reconciliation. Reconciling, in many cases, only sets people up for more abuse. A significant part of healing comes with accepting that this is a part of life; there are some relationships that are so poisonous that they destroy one’s ability to be healthy and function best.
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My second purchase! Well done!
- By Attorney Shenandoah Titus - Author of THE WHISTLEBLOWER: Defeating Bullies, Harassers & Management Gang Retaliation (Amazon) on 08-27-20
-
Rules of Estrangement
- Why Adult Children Cut Ties and How to Heal the Conflict
- By: Joshua Coleman
- Narrated by: Fred Sanders
- Length: 9 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Labeled a silent epidemic by a growing number of therapists and researchers, estrangement is one of the most disorienting and painful experiences of a parent's life. Popular opinion typically tells a one-sided story of parents who got what they deserved or overly entitled adult children who wrongly blame their parents. However, the reasons for estrangement are far more complex and varied.
-
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Excellent book for the parent's perspective
- By Anand on 06-11-21
By: Joshua Coleman
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Shadow Daughter
- A Memoir of Estrangement
- By: Harriet Brown
- Narrated by: Harriet Brown
- Length: 8 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Shadow Daughter tackles a subject we rarely discuss as a culture: Family estrangements, especially those between parents and adult children. Estrangements - between parents and children, siblings, multiple generations - are surprisingly common, and even families that aren't officially estranged often have some experience of deep conflicts. Estrangement is an issue that touches most people, one way or another, one that's still shrouded in secrecy, stigma, and shame.
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Mother to estranged daughter.
- By Nancy Good on 04-14-20
By: Harriet Brown
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Narcissistic Sibling
- How to Recognize, Disarm, and Shield Yourself from Narcissistic Brothers and Sisters. Look Out for Behavior Signs, and Learn to Identify and Grasp the Covert Narcissistic
- By: Mona Diggins
- Narrated by: CharlieData
- Length: 5 hrs
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
In Narcissistic Sibling, here is just a fraction of what you will discover: what is means to be a covert narcissist and how that manifests in real-world interactions; how to determine whether your relationship goes beyond sibling rivalry into a toxic, exhausting dynamic; and more. There's no way to change the past, but by learning the whys and hows of narcissistic manipulation, you can wrest back control. You don't have to live on anyone else's terms.
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Many mispronounced words
- By Edith Kirk Williams on 06-18-21
By: Mona Diggins
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When Parents Hurt
- Compassionate Strategies When You and Your Grown Child Don't Get Along
- By: Joshua Coleman PhD
- Narrated by: Paul Boehmer
- Length: 8 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
This unique book supports parents who are struggling with the heartache of having a teenager or an adult child who is troubled, angry, or distant. Such rifts can cause unspeakable sorrow that parents too often must bear alone. Psychologist and parent Joshua Coleman, PhD, offers insight, empathy, and perspective to those who have lost the opportunity to be the parents they desperately wanted to be and who are mourning the loss of a harmonious relationship with their child.
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Not worth tour time...
- By TMT on 12-12-16
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Done with the Crying
- Help and Healing for Mothers of Estranged Adult Children
- By: Sheri McGregor
- Narrated by: Randye Kaye
- Length: 12 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
In Done with the Crying: Help and Healing for Mothers of Estranged Adult Children, Sheri McGregor, MA, helps parents break free from emotional pain - and move forward in their own lives. As a loving mother to whom the unthinkable happened, McGregor knows the horrible shock that wrings a parent dry, triggers denial, blame, anger, and shame. With empathy and understanding, as well as tools, the latest research, and insight from more than 9,000 parents of estranged adult children, McGregor helps parents of estranged adults plan, prepare for emotional triggers, and prevail over pain.
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Take your life back and let healing begin
- By Jennifer Gill on 05-26-18
By: Sheri McGregor
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The Highly Sensitive Person’s Guide to Dealing with Toxic People
- How to Reclaim Your Power from Narcissists and Other Manipulators
- By: Shahida Arabi MA
- Narrated by: Laural Merlington
- Length: 7 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
In The Highly Sensitive Person's Guide to Dealing with Toxic People, you'll learn evidence-based skills grounded in cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) to help you recognize and shut down the common manipulation tactics used by toxic people, such as gaslighting, stonewalling, projection, covert put-downs, and love bombing.
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Not What I Hoped For
- By Allyson S on 10-09-21
By: Shahida Arabi MA
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Reconnecting with Your Estranged Adult Child
- Practical Tips and Tools to Heal Your Relationship
- By: Tina Gilbertson
- Narrated by: Coleen Marlo
- Length: 7 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Parents whose adult children have cut off contact wonder: How did this happen? Where did I go wrong? What happened to my loving child? Over time, holidays, birthdays, and even the birth of grandchildren may pass in silence. Anguish may turn into anger. While time, in and of itself, does not necessarily heal, actions do, and while every estrangement includes situation-specific variables, there are practical, effective, and universal techniques for understanding and healing these not-uncommon breaches.
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Will save you from major mistakes
- By Bohdan Hodiak on 09-23-20
By: Tina Gilbertson