If you have ever argued with your child about shoes, screen time, or brushing teeth, you already know how quickly a simple moment can turn into a full tug-of-war. In this episode of Raise Strong, you will learn why those battles happen, what is going on in your child’s brain (and yours), and the simple three-step method that helps you step out of the power struggle without giving up your boundaries.

This episode blends psychology, empathy, and practical tools that help you feel calmer, more confident, and more connected.

✔️ Why power struggles are really about safety, not behavior

✔️ How your child’s nervous system interprets “no” as a threat

✔️ Why your body reacts too, and how to calm it

✔️ The tug-of-war metaphor and how to drop the rope

✔️ The Step Back → Breathe → Rejoin method to stop escalation

✔️ How connection and choice turn conflict into cooperation

✔️ Five common traps adults fall into and how to avoid them

✔️ A simple weekly challenge you can use immediately

Your child digs in because they feel unsafe or powerless, and your body often reacts the same way.

Calm leadership always beats force. Kids follow the safest leader, not the loudest one.

A simple three-step strategy that helps you regulate first, then reconnect, then guide.

Validating feelings plus offering structured choices leads to less resistance and more collaboration.

Try dropping the rope once this week.

Notice a moment where you feel the pull of a struggle.

Pause.

Breathe.

Name the feeling you see.

Offer a simple choice.

Watch how the energy shifts when you shift first.

If you want phrases that prevent power struggles before they even start, grab the free guide at alexandersonkahl.com/start-here or tap the link in the show notes.

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We all do it... our child finishes a puzzle, helps clean up, and we say, “Good job!”

It’s automatic. It’s loving. And it feels like the right thing to say.

But what if certain kinds of praise actually hurt confidence instead of building it?

In this episode, school psychologist and parent coach Alex Anderson-Kahl unpacks the surprising science behind praise. You’ll learn why “You’re so smart!” can create pressure and perfectionism, while effort-based, reflective praise builds motivation, resilience, and self-worth that lasts.

Alex introduces his Reflective Praise Framework — a simple 3-step method that helps you turn everyday praise into a tool for emotional growth and lifelong confidence.

• Why traditional praise can sometimes backfire
• How the brain responds to different kinds of praise (dopamine and motivation)
• The difference between evaluative vs. reflective praise
• How to use the Reflective Praise Framework:
• 1️⃣ Reflect Effort, Not Outcome
• 2️⃣ Name the Process, Not the Person
• 3️⃣ Connect Praise to Values
• The common mistakes parents make with praise — and how to fix them
• How meaningful praise helps kids build confidence, empathy, and grit

Replace one “Good job!” each day with reflective praise.

Try saying:

• “You kept trying even when it was tricky — that shows persistence.”
• “You really took your time on that drawing — I can tell you cared about the details.”
• “You were so patient with your sister — that showed real kindness.”

Then, notice what happens, not just in your child, but in you.

Reflective praise slows the moment down, deepens connection, and strengthens your child’s internal motivation.

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If yelling worked, you’d only have to do it once... but it doesn’t.

When emotions run high, your body goes into survival mode, and calm suddenly feels out of reach. In this episode, school psychologist and parent coach Alex Anderson-Kahl breaks down the science of yelling, explaining what’s really happening in your body when you’re triggered and how to use your nervous system to find calm again.

You’ll learn about the vagus nerve, vagal tone, and why your body’s alarm system makes it so hard to stay composed in the heat of the moment. Then, Alex shares powerful tools, from breathing and cold exposure to laughter and humming, that will help you move from reactive to regulated, and from guilt to growth.

• Why yelling doesn’t work from a neurological standpoint
• How your sympathetic and parasympathetic systems impact emotional control
• What vagal tone is and how to strengthen it
• Body-based tools to calm yourself when triggered
• How to repair after yelling to rebuild connection and trust

Notice when your body starts to move into fight-or-flight: a racing heart, tight shoulders, shallow breath.

Pause and practice one of these techniques:

• The physiological sigh (two inhales, one long exhale)
• Splashing cold water on your face
• Humming, laughing, or even buzzing your lips
• Then, if yelling does happen, take a moment to repair: own what happened, empathize with your child, and reconnect with love and accountability.

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When emotions run high, it’s easy to go straight into correction mode — but what if connection is actually the key to real behavior change?

In this episode, school psychologist and parent coach Alex Anderson-Kahl shares how leading with empathy builds trust, strengthens cooperation, and helps your child’s brain learn from mistakes.

You’ll discover the science behind attachment and safety, learn the Connect–Validate–Guide framework, and walk away knowing how to discipline with structure, not shame.

• Why correction without connection doesn’t work
• How attachment and brain safety make kids more open to learning
• The Connect – Validate – Guide framework you can use today
• What reflective language and validation really sound like in practice
• How to guide your child with structure instead of shame
• The truth about why connection first doesn’t mean letting things slide

""Connection doesn’t excuse behavior — it creates the safety that makes behavior change possible."

When your child feels seen and safe, their brain can shift from protection to cooperation.

That’s when discipline becomes teaching, and parenting becomes connection.

Choose one moment to practice the Connect–Validate–Guide method.

Start with presence, use reflective language to name the feeling, then guide calmly once everyone’s regulated.

Share what you notice — tag @raisestrongpodcast on Instagram or message your story.

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• 7 Simple Phrases to Help Your Child Calm Down Without Power Struggles - Download your FREE guide now!

When emotions run high, it’s easy to get swept into your child’s storm.

In this first episode of Raise Strong, school psychologist and parent coach Alex Anderson-Kahl shares the real-world story of a classroom in chaos—and how one moment of calm changed everything.

You’ll learn the psychology behind emotional regulation, discover why your nervous system sets the tone for your child’s, and walk away with a simple, science-backed tool you can use right away to bring peace back to your home.

• Why your child’s big emotions are biological, not bad behavior
• How your calm helps your child’s brain feel safe enough to learn
• What co-regulation really means and how to use it
• A step-by-step guide to the Pause and Name Method for staying grounded
• One common mistake that keeps parents stuck in power struggles—and how to fix it

Your calm teaches your child what safety feels like.

The more you practice pausing before reacting, the stronger your connection becomes.

Notice one moment when your stress rises—at home, at work, anywhere—and practice the Pause and Name Method before responding.

Then tell Alex how it went! Message him or tag @alexandersonkahl and share your story.

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• 7 Simple Phrases to Help Your Child Calm Down Without Power Struggles - Download your FREE guide now!

When your child loses control, it can feel like they’ve pulled the whole house into their storm.

If you’ve ever thought, “I know yelling doesn’t help… but I just don’t know what else to do,” this podcast is for you.

Welcome to Raise Strong — the show that helps you turn parenting stress into strength and power struggles into moments of connection. Hosted by Alex Anderson-Kahl, a school psychologist and parent coach, each episode blends child psychology, empathy, and real-life strategies to help you stay calm, confident, and connected — even on the hardest days.

You’ll learn:

💙 How to stay calm when your child isn’t

💙 What to say instead of “You’re fine”

💙 How to set boundaries without shame

💙 How to raise resilient, emotionally intelligent kids

Because strong kids start with supported parents.

Take a deep breath — you’re doing better than you think.

🎧 Follow Raise Strong wherever you listen to podcasts and join us each week for calm, connection, and growth.

• 7 Simple Phrases to Help Your Child Calm Down Without Power Struggles - Download your FREE guide now!