If you have ever argued with your child about shoes, screen time, or brushing teeth, you already know how quickly a simple moment can turn into a full tug-of-war. In this episode of Raise Strong, you will learn why those battles happen, what is going on in your child’s brain (and yours), and the simple three-step method that helps you step out of the power struggle without giving up your boundaries.

This episode blends psychology, empathy, and practical tools that help you feel calmer, more confident, and more connected.

✔️ Why power struggles are really about safety, not behavior

✔️ How your child’s nervous system interprets “no” as a threat

✔️ Why your body reacts too, and how to calm it

✔️ The tug-of-war metaphor and how to drop the rope

✔️ The Step Back → Breathe → Rejoin method to stop escalation

✔️ How connection and choice turn conflict into cooperation

✔️ Five common traps adults fall into and how to avoid them

✔️ A simple weekly challenge you can use immediately

Your child digs in because they feel unsafe or powerless, and your body often reacts the same way.

Calm leadership always beats force. Kids follow the safest leader, not the loudest one.

A simple three-step strategy that helps you regulate first, then reconnect, then guide.

Validating feelings plus offering structured choices leads to less resistance and more collaboration.

Try dropping the rope once this week.

Notice a moment where you feel the pull of a struggle.

Pause.

Breathe.

Name the feeling you see.

Offer a simple choice.

Watch how the energy shifts when you shift first.

If you want phrases that prevent power struggles before they even start, grab the free guide at alexandersonkahl.com/start-here or tap the link in the show notes.

• Visit Our Website
• 7 Simple Phrases to Help Your Child Calm Down Without Power Struggles - Download your FREE guide now!

We all do it... our child finishes a puzzle, helps clean up, and we say, “Good job!”

It’s automatic. It’s loving. And it feels like the right thing to say.

But what if certain kinds of praise actually hurt confidence instead of building it?

In this episode, school psychologist and parent coach Alex Anderson-Kahl unpacks the surprising science behind praise. You’ll learn why “You’re so smart!” can create pressure and perfectionism, while effort-based, reflective praise builds motivation, resilience, and self-worth that lasts.

Alex introduces his Reflective Praise Framework — a simple 3-step method that helps you turn everyday praise into a tool for emotional growth and lifelong confidence.

• Why traditional praise can sometimes backfire
• How the brain responds to different kinds of praise (dopamine and motivation)
• The difference between evaluative vs. reflective praise
• How to use the Reflective Praise Framework:
• 1️⃣ Reflect Effort, Not Outcome
• 2️⃣ Name the Process, Not the Person
• 3️⃣ Connect Praise to Values
• The common mistakes parents make with praise — and how to fix them
• How meaningful praise helps kids build confidence, empathy, and grit

Replace one “Good job!” each day with reflective praise.

Try saying:

• “You kept trying even when it was tricky — that shows persistence.”
• “You really took your time on that drawing — I can tell you cared about the details.”
• “You were so patient with your sister — that showed real kindness.”

Then, notice what happens, not just in your child, but in you.

Reflective praise slows the moment down, deepens connection, and strengthens your child’s internal motivation.

• Visit Our Website
• 7 Simple Phrases to Help Your Child Calm Down Without Power Struggles - Download your FREE guide now!

If yelling worked, you’d only have to do it once... but it doesn’t.

When emotions run high, your body goes into survival mode, and calm suddenly feels out of reach. In this episode, school psychologist and parent coach Alex Anderson-Kahl breaks down the science of yelling, explaining what’s really happening in your body when you’re triggered and how to use your nervous system to find calm again.

You’ll learn about the vagus nerve, vagal tone, and why your body’s alarm system makes it so hard to stay composed in the heat of the moment. Then, Alex shares powerful tools, from breathing and cold exposure to laughter and humming, that will help you move from reactive to regulated, and from guilt to growth.

• Why yelling doesn’t work from a neurological standpoint
• How your sympathetic and parasympathetic systems impact emotional control
• What vagal tone is and how to strengthen it
• Body-based tools to calm yourself when triggered
• How to repair after yelling to rebuild connection and trust

Notice when your body starts to move into fight-or-flight: a racing heart, tight shoulders, shallow breath.

Pause and practice one of these techniques:

• The physiological sigh (two inhales, one long exhale)
• Splashing cold water on your face
• Humming, laughing, or even buzzing your lips
• Then, if yelling does happen, take a moment to repair: own what happened, empathize with your child, and reconnect with love and accountability.

• Visit Our Website
• 7 Simple Phrases to Help Your Child Calm Down Without Power Struggles - Download your FREE guide now!