Lessons from a Romance Author: You Don't Have to be Perfect to Find Love

Alexandria House's 10 listens that highlight the Black experience. Save this curated list to your library Collections.

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Margaret Hargrove: Hi listeners, this is Audible Editor Margaret Hargrove, and I'm excited to be here with Alexandria House. Alexandria is a romance writer known for her incredibly sexy, hilariously funny, and relatably real storylines. Her Romey University series is exclusive to Audible, and the third title in the series, Temper Me, is out now. Alexandria, welcome and thank you for joining me today.

Alexandria House: Thank you for inviting me.

MH: Alexandria, you first captured my attention with your 2018 breakout hit, Let Me Love You, which introduced the romance world to Big South and the sexy McClain brothers. I was instantly hooked and have been a big fan of yours ever since. But for listeners who aren't familiar with you and your stories, how did you become a romance writer? I've read that you used to be a nurse. How did you make that leap from having a regular nine-to-five job to writing romance full time?

AH: Well, I was always a good storyteller, I guess you could say, although it was verbally. If something happened and I shared it with a person, I did it in such a way that they would say, "Oh, tell so-and-so what happened." Of course I was embellishing and being overly dramatic, but I knew that that was a talent I had. And I've always been really good at writing. Even going through college and nursing school, the writing portions were always my strength.

"Black love exists and it does not have to be a torturous thing. It doesn't have to be angsty. It can just be love."

So I was a nurse and taking care of my family, but I didn't feel fulfilled. I was a good nurse, but that wasn't fulfilling me. I didn't think it was my calling. And I just kind of decided to go out on a limb and see if this writing thing would work, and it did. 

MH: It definitely did. I really enjoyed your books over the years. The Romey University series is an audio-first series, and your titles are hugely popular in audio. Why did releasing your books in audio first appeal to you? Are you a listener yourself?

AH: I am. I'm a huge audiobook fan. I really became a big audiobook fan when I was working as a nurse. I was a home health nurse for a number of years. I would travel the county, and sometimes that was a lot of driving, because I worked in rural areas. I would use audiobooks to keep me company rather than just the radio or music, because sometimes that gets old.

MH: Did you have any particular genres you listened to or favorite authors?

AH: Oddly enough, I listen to a lot of suspense and psychological thrillers. That's my go-to. I do listen to some romance, but mostly I enjoy weird stuff. Weird or spooky stories. But I do listen across genres.

Also, I have a visual impairment. I have irregular astigmatism, so I try to keep my eyes for writing. It helps to be able to listen. And I can say when it really hit home how important audiobooks are. I went to visit a home health client, and she was blind and she had a whole bookshelf full of audiobook cassettes. Even though I was listening to them all the time, it never occurred to me how important it could be to some people. That's the only way they can receive a story. And so I thought, "Wow. That never occurred to me, but now I really, really get it.” You know?

MH: So being an audiobook fan, did that encourage you to be audio first with your own romance stories?

AH: Yeah, it did. I like to think outside the box and do things outside the box and I thought, "Okay, this will be different, to do audio first. Let's see how it works." And it worked out.

MH: When you write, do you write with the audio in mind?

AH: I do now. In the beginning, as an independent author, I just didn't even think about audiobooks. I don't know why, even though I was a fan. And then when I was approached for the production of Let Me Love You, I said, "Oh yeah, definitely." Because you know, I'm an audiobook fan. And so now if I release it in e-book first, I know it's going to go to audio eventually. Or for the Originals, my mind is on audio from jump. So yeah, definitely. I think about, "Okay, what do I want the male to say? What do I want the female to say? Which voice do I want to hear this in?” Yeah.

MH: So speaking of voices, you’ve definitely been blessed with Adenrele Ojo and Jakobi Diem, who are like your personal dream team. They've narrated many of your audiobooks, including the McClain [Brothers] series and the Romey U series. Did you have a hand in casting them?

AH: I did. Thankfully I did. I ask for them and I'm so, so happy that they accept every time. I'm thrilled because they are top-notch. I really feel like they're the top tier of narrators. So I'm always glad when they're voicing my work.

MH: Had you been familiar with their work before and you were like, "I want those two”?

AH: I hadn't. They both submitted readings of Let Me Love You. They were giving options for narrators and those two were the ones I was like, "Oh, that's Big South. That's definitely Big South. And that's Jo.”

And the funny thing is, I didn't get to listen to it until after it released. So I wasn't sure how it would sound, but I literally was in tears the first time I listened to it because I thought, "Wow.” It sounded so good.

MH: Yeah, they definitely are great. I look forward to their narration of your books. 

I'm really inspired by your view of Black love. In your stories, we get to really see and feel the joy of Black women who are happy, desired, accomplished, and loved. Why do you use your platform to show Black women in fulfilling and happy relationships with Black men?

AH: Because I think it's important. I think that the narrative about Black love is surrounded by a lot of negativity right now. But I know from my experience, from what I've seen in the Black community, that Black love exists and it does not have to be a torturous thing. It doesn't have to be angsty. It can just be love. 

"You don't have to have it all together before you find love. Sometimes you find love and then that helps both of you get it together, because you want to get it together for the other person."

That's what I grew up around. I grew up in a small town that was predominantly Black in the South. Everything around me was Black, and all the relationships were Black, all my doctors and teachers. That's all I knew. I see it every day, it's real. And it can be absolutely beautiful. It doesn't have to be traumatic.

That's what I want to share, especially for Black women, because a lot of the narrative surrounding us is that we are the least desirable or that type of stuff. It bothers me because it's just not true. We're not the least desirable to the men who want to love us. I want to bring that across and I've been told that I do give Black women a lot of hope who are looking for love.

MH: Well, you definitely give me hope. I'm waiting for my Big South to appear.

AH: Aren’t we all?

MH: I mean, I feel like I am Jo because I'm a Black girl with freckles and a gap. And I was like, "Was she writing about me?" [while listening to the McClain series.]

AH: I used to have a gap because my dad has one. I love gaps; I think it's the most attractive thing. 

MH: Same. I inherited mine from my dad as well. 

One thing I love about your stories is that the characters are not perfect. They have flaws. For instance, in Temper Me, Brooklyn cheated on her husband and is now struggling with her post-divorce life. Vann is recovering from a health scare that has affected him physically. Why do you think it is important to show imperfect people still deserving of love and a second chance?

AH: Well, because the reality is we're all imperfect. And to think that you have to be perfect to deserve love is just incorrect. Sometimes the love is what helps you heal. A lot of times, that's what you need, to know that someone loves you unconditionally. Not that they’re saving you, but the fact that this person loves you, motivates you, or uplifts you. So I make it a point that everybody's flawed, because everybody's flawed. You don't have to have it all together before you find love. Sometimes you find love and then that helps both of you get it together, because you want to get it together for the other person.

MH: Oh, I love that. That’s very inspiring. In Temper Me, we get to see a few flashbacks to see Brooklyn and Vann's love story unfolding when she was a student at Romey U. Vann is also an alum. Several of the flashbacks occur during the school's homecoming weekend, which is known to be a very exciting and festive time at a historically Black college and university. Why did you choose to base this Romey U series at a fictional HBCU [historically Black college and university]?

AH: I'm a second-generation HBCU graduate. Me, my parents, and two of my children all graduated from the same HBCU. That's our legacy. It's like no other experience to attend an HBCU, to have that family. It's a sense of family that I can recall. It's a culture within itself. It's like a culture within the Black culture and it's so special and I have fond memories. I grew up in the HBCU town too. That was our college.

And it affected everything around me. You could buy the paraphernalia at any store; the whole town shut down for homecoming. I feel like it was an absolutely beautiful and unique experience. And I just really, really wanted it to come through. I wanted to pay homage to HBCUs, especially in Temper Me with the homecoming and the band and the dancers and bonfire and all that stuff. 

For those that didn't attend one, hopefully they will have some idea of what it's like to attend one in reading the series.

MH: I didn't get to attend one. I wanted to, but my dad, he knew I'd be, you know, too busy stomping in the yard in order to get my work done. But I have a lot of friends that have gone to Spelman, Morehouse. My daughter is only eight, but I'm already trying to plant that seed with her, like, "You can go to Spelman, you can go to Howard," you know, because I really see the benefit of it now, having that built-in community and just having those four years to just feel so cared for.

AH: Yeah, extended experience in the Black community. And the two children of mine who attended HBCU for graduate school, they went to a PWI [predominantly White institution]. So they got both worlds; there’re benefits in both, but HBCUs are exceptionally special and dear to my heart.

MH: I'm glad we have the Romey U series. I think it portrays the HBCU in a really positive light. 

AH: Oh, thank you. Thank you.

MH: So let's talk about your writing process a little bit. Many romance writers operate in a series where you get to know characters on a book-by-book basis. But what's so impressive about you and what I think you do so well is that your characters and storylines are so intricately intertwined, and there's even a lot of crossover between series. I love getting to see what happens to characters even after their story ends. 

And Uncle Lee Chester! Uncle Lee Chester from the McClain family pops up everywhere, including the Romey U series. The basketball players from the St. Louis Cyclones series are teammates of Leland McClain and they appear in Let Me Hold You. And even the characters from the Love After series make cameos in the McClain series. I re-listened to the entire McClain series in anticipation of this interview.

AH: Wow.

MH: But, listening to it, I just started to make all these connections. I was like, "Do you have some like Venn diagram where this goes with this, and this book is here and he's here, and then she's there?" There are so many deep connections between your books. So could you talk to us a little bit about how you put your series together? Like, what is the process like for you?

AH: I wish that I could give you this really intelligent answer, but it all just lives in my head, which explains why I can't concentrate on much of anything else. Because all that stuff is living in my head. I do have like a master list that a couple of readers created for me with the character names, and the books they first appeared in, and different little facts about them that I rarely consult because I forget I have it. But I appreciate their hard work. 

"The blessing and the curse of being a writer is that you can see a story for everybody, even the side characters."

But they're real people to me. For instance, 4C Angie [Angela "4C Angie" Strickland from Stay With Me] is who 4C Angie is, that's who she is. So if I'm writing something and the person has natural hair, of course her name's going to pop up because she's famous in the natural hair community. Or, Big South’s a star, he's been a big rapper for 20 years, so of course everybody knows who Big South is. They may be listening to his songs. 

I feel like I've created a universe inadvertently and everybody's real in it. In real life, you may run across somebody from a different walk of life. I guess the blessing and the curse of being a writer is that you can see a story for everybody, even the side characters.

So of course, when I was writing Leland's book, and then we have this Drayveon [from Technical] that he mentioned and his friend Polo [Paul Logan from Flagrant], then I started thinking, what if this? What if that? And they end up having stories. I love it. I'll never run out of material. I can think of a story for everybody. 

Now, for Uncle Lee Chester, everybody loves him so much. He's super fun to write. He is a blast to write. I love writing him. I like trying to figure out a way to include him in stories and connect him to people. I don't think he'll ever have his own story because he's a scene stealer and I think that's how he works best, to steal scenes in other people's stories. I really did try to write him one, but it's a little too much.

But I enjoy the crossovers and right now I'm working on Armand Daniels’s story [Kim's son from Let Me Hold You]. So I have to go back and read or listen to Let Me Hold You, read or listen to Teach Me, everything he's been in so I won't forget something because I know how you all are. You will notice it. If I change something, you guys will notice it. So there are little itty-bitty details I have to go back in and make sure I get right. But it poses a challenge to me and I'm a person who burns out easily. So I like the challenge.

MH: It is a whole world that you've created where these characters all intersect. I love it. You sprinkle a lot of Easter eggs throughout your book. In re-listening to the McClain family series, I realized that Leland wears a Romey U t-shirt in one of the first scenes…

AH: Yeah.

MH: And Neil talks about attending Romey U…

AH: Yeah.

MH: But these books came out years before.

AH: Yeah.

MH: So was that planned? Did you already have the idea in mind to write a series about Romey U even when you were writing the McClain Brothers series?

AH: I knew eventually I would. I didn't exactly know what the stories would be. But I knew I wanted to do an HBCU series. That's a good catch.

MH: Listen, I'm not just playing at being a fan. I really am. You branched out to hosting a live event called The House Party Experience. The first one was last year in Houston, right?

AH: Yes

MH: And I believe there's one planned for next summer in Atlanta?

AH: 2023 Atlanta. Yeah.

MH: Yeah, I might need to come to that one. 

AH: You should, you should. Please do.

MH: So what's the story behind The House Party Experience? Why did you start it and what can fans expect when they attend?

AH: It actually started as an idea to show my appreciation to my readers who are so, so wonderful. Just absolutely wonderful. I call them super fans. Every one of them, including you. Everybody's super fans. The support has been overwhelming, really, from day one. When I see people buy e-book and paperback and audio of the same book, I'm like, "Wow, okay, well thank you." Or when I hear people say, "I'm on my 13th reread of Let Me Love You." I'm like, "What?"

It amazes me and it warms my heart and I just wanted to give back, so it was an event that I had thought about for a while. I had an absolutely wonderful event planner who, no matter what ridiculous thing I came up with, she made it happen. We had massages and facials and we had other independent Black romance authors there. Body care products and personal fun toy products, and we had food, desserts. Then we had an erotic paint-and-sip after-party and we had strippers. It was like a girls’ trip. It was everything that I wanted it to be and everybody thoroughly enjoyed it. Of course, attendance was limited because of the pandemic.

We want to go bigger and better. We're trying to have more days for the next one. We're going to do a Sunday brunch, so it's going to be good. Oh, the theme for the next one is Homecoming, HBCU homecoming. So it's House Party University. We're going to hopefully have some house party university paraphernalia that people can buy and custom—Oh, we had an open bar. I forgot about that. All day open bar so we planned—

MH: All day?

AH: All day and the cutest thing, because the first one was themed around McClain Brothers—that's why I was in Houston, because that's their hometown—we had all of these cocktails that were specific to the brothers, and Neil’s was a mocktail.

MH: Oh, right.

AH: Everything had pineapple in it.

MH: Clearly.

AH: I'm super proud of it. Several people that attended said they had never attended any literary event like that before. It was the most fun they'd had. We're in the planning, you know, trying to get some sponsors—anybody listening, hint hint for the second one—so that we can make it bigger and better and invite more people.

MH: Sounds like a great party. I'll have to check it out. 

You mentioned that you're working on an Armand Daniels book.

AH: Yes.

MH: Is that what you're working on next?

AH: That's what I'm writing currently, yeah. And his love interest is Ella McClain.

MH: Oh! Really? Is she old enough now to have a lover?

AH: She is. We're jumping. We're jumping.

MH: Oh, you're jumping? Okay. Because I'm still thinking of her as a teenager.

AH: No, she's going to be a post-college grad or whatever. So we're jumping.

MH: Is she going to Romey U?

AH: I didn't make her a Romey U alum, I didn’t. But I'll just say this. It's going to be very interesting.

MH: So now there's a whole new generation of family members that now can have titles. 

AH: Everybody wants more McClains, so this is kind of my way of making everybody happy. 

MH: And you know Big South is going to pop up because she’s his baby.

AH: Yeah, and she’s Leland’s favorite niece. So it's going to be interesting that she's dating her uncle's stepson. 

MH: Wow. I'm excited for that one. But again, like you said, you write about perfectly imperfect people and they are deserving of love too, so.

AH: Yeah, definitely.

MH: Well, Alexandria, thank you for your time and congratulations on your success. I love how you write about love and I can't wait to hear what's next. 

AH: Oh, thank you. I truly appreciate you. I can't wait to see what I do next either.

MH: Your fans are waiting always. For everyone listening in, Temper Me by Alexandria House is available now, exclusively on Audible.