Untrue

Why Nearly Everything We Believe About Women, Lust, and Infidelity Is Wrong and How the New Science Can Set Us Free

By: Wednesday Martin

Narrated by: Wednesday Martin

Length: 10 hrs and 3 mins

Publisher's summary

From the number-one New York Times best-selling author of Primates of Park Avenue, a bold, timely reconsideration of female infidelity that will upend everything you thought you knew about women and sex.

What do straight, married female revelers at an all-women's sex club in LA have in common with nomadic pastoralists in Namibia who bear children by men not their husbands? Like women worldwide, they crave sexual variety, novelty, and excitement.

In ancient Greek tragedies, Netflix series, tabloids, and pop songs, we've long portrayed such cheating women as dangerous and damaged. We love to hate women who are untrue. But who are they really? And why, in this age of female empowerment, do we continue to judge them so harshly?

In Untrue, feminist author and cultural critic Wednesday Martin takes us on a bold, fascinating journey to reveal the unexpected evolutionary legacy and social realities that drive female faithlessness, while laying bare our motivations to contain women who step out.

Blending accessible social science and interviews with sex researchers, anthropologists, and real women from all walks of life, Untrue challenges our deepest assumptions about ourselves, monogamy, and the women we think we know. From recent data suggesting women may struggle more than men with sexual exclusivity to the revolutionary idea that females of many species evolved to be "promiscuous" to Martin's trenchant assertion that female sexual autonomy is the ultimate metric of gender equality, Untrue will change the way you think about women and sex forever.

©2018 Wednesday Martin (P)2018 Hachette Audio

Critic reviews

"Scientifically literate and sexually cliterate...an exuberant unfettering of female sexuality that challenges us to 'think outside her box.' Viva la Vulva!" (Ian Kerner, sex therapist and author of She Comes First)

"Wednesday Martin understands female sexuality - from the #MeToo movement and polyamory to women's prehistoric and cultural heritage. She goes far beyond our current psychological understanding of women's infidelity to tell the real story of women's ubiquitous, tenacious, and primordial sexual strategies. And her writing is not only informative, timely, and refreshing but wonderfully engaging. Brava, Wednesday." (Helen Fisher, author of The First Sex and Why We Love)

If you have ever felt different, other, or just weird when it comes to love, sex, or intimacy, read Untrue. In it, Wednesday Martin bulldozes the sexual stereotypes that have silenced and constrained us for centuries, bringing the voices of women who love in a range of ways to the surface. Dazzling." (Rachel Simmons, cofounder of Girls Leadership and author of Enough as She Is and Odd Girl Out)

Great study spoiled by male bashing

The book starts with the premise that society accepts infidelity for men but not for women. The book then goes on to study various perfectly valid arguments as to why women cheat which is great to hear and is well written. However, the bulk of the book is about women who were somehow not sexually satisfied in their marriage; she never talks about women who are satisfied with their marriages. Do they want to cheat also? Small detail, but the one that makes the study seems incomplete.
The bigger problem with the book is the theme that women are struggling for "equality", meaning the right to be non-monogamous "just like men" keeps appearing over and over again. Men are "allowed" to cheat, but women are not. A deep vein of hatred for the male and his role in society runs through many parts of this book, and she justifies this hatred with the "male imposed" rules that suppresses the women's urge to cheat.
This assumption it is socially acceptable for men to cheat is false; infidelity is NOT acceptable for men either. "Infidelity is a male privilege" is something mentioned over and over again. It is not a privilege that men enjoy, at least not in Western societies. No one congratulates a married male for cheating on his wife. Using that premise to justify the idea that cheating is therefore OK for women is not valid.
The problem arising from this false assumption is that Wednesday Martin does not, in any part of the book, address the broken promises, lies and deception that goes with cheating. She does not address the pain that accompanies the partner who did not stray. Instead, the books says biology dictates non-monogamy, Therefore we must accept that ALL women should be allowed to cheat, and there must be no consequences. The betrayed partner has a problem with that? Well that is HIS fault; he does not understand female biology. Never mind that he too has the urge to cheat, but chooses to honor his promises instead. This is brought home in Chapter 1; she says she wanted to cheat, but did not want her male partners to cheat. She does not address the issue of WHY she does not want her male partner to cheat. Could it be that there is a biological and social reason for that also? She tells her husband "no you cannot have permission to have an affair" in the beginning of the book. Later on in the book she goes on to chide her husband for saying that she has his permission / blessing to go to a sex party alone, a party where cheating was the main activity. I DON'T need your permission, she snaps at him. The irony is lost on her.

Every WOMXN needs to read this NOW!!

I no longer feel alone or weird. This book made feel like I was not unusual and I was actually the norm. Which is what I suspected but nobody else would confess. This book not only educates women about their true femininity, sexuality & libido but also empowers women and gives them the opportunity to relate in a way they never thought they could before.

It’s wrong…but you should still read it.

I’ve been married and monogamous for 33 years. I have thought about having sex with other women every day since. Is it boring much of the time? Yes. My wife is a great person and the love of my life. She was a virgin when we married and presumably has also remained faithful all these years. I’m sure she’s even more bored than I am, although we work at it everyday. I cherish our relationship the way it is, but I would accommodate her if she wanted a change. She doesn’t, because she knows what I know. There is meaning in sacrifice. Wednesday Martin is right about everything she says about female desire. But just because you want something doesn’t mean it’s right or good for you. Everyone should read this book in that context. On a side note: the political bias and misandry make the work way less credible. The world isn’t out to get women and that tired trope is not justification for women (with very real desires) to do whatever they want.

Provocative Subject, Well Researched

The subject manner of this book is female infidelity, which is not necessarily something we all want to think about, especially not as "good" wives and mothers, but the author presents the facts and research that support that even "good" wives may be untrue. She presents the research of others, but also directly interviews many of those researchers for further insight, which makes the studies more relatable. The stories she tells from women, and a few men. about their own experiences with female infidelity give the book even more depth and make it an easier read. I recommend this book to women and men who are just curious or really looking for information to back up the feelings, or ideas they may already have. It will likely be a somewhat uncomfortable, but also very interesting, talk at our next women's book club.

The book was interesting.

I do worry that people my miss interpret the book to mean that monogamous relationships are wrong and if you have urges to cheat then do it which I would disagree with that thinking but it is an interesting book

Thorough and Refreshing

As a guy who grew up in a strict religious home that worshipped purity culture, it was very healing and freeing to hear all these authentic accounts of women's enjoyment of sexuality and freedom, and the great need to be more sexually positive in general. This conversation is needed!

Great Book!

See, I always knew women love sex as much as I do. It’s a balance. Always been that way. Together the male and female principles unite, to help us remember our way back home. To the Source. The One breath. Loosing sight of exhalation and inhalation. The Uni-Verse. Sex is music baby. We are Music. So sing it loud!

The Truth

I loved every, single, minute of this body of research.
I shared it with my network of educated, upwardly mobile, professional African American people. The discussions were intense— at best.
The women kept saying “where was this research perspective in 1990’s when we were being shamed for being little Black girls? God forbid you have a libido! You will most certainly be shamed, criticized, accused of being unwed teen mom, enroute to becoming a welfare queen. Just 👏🏾because 👏🏾!!
The men, some fought tooth and nail to hold on to social and religious doctrine that reinforce the “role of a good woman.”
This body of worm game me SO much to think about, and I dare say it changed my life.

I no longer fear sex and/or sexuality after nearly 50 years of life and 20 years of marriage, family, children and professional work:

Finally, my husband made me say “Dr. Wednesday Martin doesn’t have ALL the answers to life and womenfolk sexuality.” I said it, but secretly— I think she does! Her work from a scientific perspective— speaks truth to power.

Pass this book along.

very informative book all women need

i cried at the end of the book because i felt such a relief

Very important work. Everyone should read.

This book will set everyone free... men, women. Everyone should read this book. It dispells a myriad of toxic myths regarding women and sexual agency in a very erudite manner.