The Practice of Love

Break Old Patterns, Rebuild Trust, and Create a Connection That Lasts

By: Lair Torrent

Narrated by: Lair Torrent

Length: 8 hrs and 35 mins

Publisher's summary

A master class in relationship repair and connection. At its core, this book delivers an inconvenient truth. Our relationships have to be a daily practice if we want them to thrive. We should treat them like we treat anything that we want to succeed, by giving them time and attention. For far too long, it has been assumed that we should innately understand how to love one another. Relationships have fallen into the category of things we should know how to do. But we are not born knowing how to make a relationship work, any more than we are born knowing how to file taxes or buy insurance, and there are no classes in high school or college that teach us how to do this.

The Practice of Love is that class. In his work, Lair Torrent, a licensed marriage and family therapist, brings together concepts and tools that can actually help couples heal for the long haul. Diving beneath the symptoms most therapies focus on, he helps couples develop a deeper understanding of the wounds that brought them together and how they show up in their relationships. The five practices gives the listeners an opportunity to weed out and take responsibility for limiting or negative habits while allowing them to learn and adopt new and healthier practices with their partner. These are not short-term solutions, but rather a path to profound healing, deeper connection, and stronger, happier relationships.

©2021 Nordlyset Literary Agency (P)2021 Recorded Books

The tools you need to improve

Firts off, I am usually cynical when it comes to self-help or personal improvement books, podcasts or articles. They always seem to promise a lot up front, but then either offer vague platitudes, or specific steps that are unworkable. Second, of course I am going to say this book is different. Personally, I listened to the audiobook, and it worked well. This book can be listened to in doses, paused, and thought about before listening to more. For me, listening during a commute or long drive made the material more accessibe. So, here is why you should listen to this book:

1. What this book covers.

Lair presents advice for people who want to improve their relationships. He breaks the process down into several steps, however unlike a lot of other "step" processes or programs, these steps have value in themselves. For instance, "midfulness" is not a new concept, but Lair presents mindfulness in a way that has direct application to how you live your life and view your relationships. I found myself applying Lair's ideas not just to my personal relationships, but in other areas of my life as well. Lair then gives several techniques that you can use to ensure that you are being the best, most responsible person you can be for those who are most important to you. If you do this, you will see improvement in your relationships. This seems obvious enough, however I was constantly surprised when I applied Lair's approach at how inconsistent, if not insufficient, I was at this. I was just missing a lot and had no idea. In short, this book will give you the tools you need to ensure you are showing up as your best person for the people who matter most to you.

2. This book helpls people in every stage of a relationship.

Surprisingly, this book is not just for people who are experiencing significant relationship problems. It is for anyone who wants to improve how they show up in relationships. I have found that the book is an outstanding way to take stock of how I approach relationships, and the audiobook lets me set my own pace and pause whenever needed. Sometimes for a few minutes, sometimes for couple of weeks.

3. How difficult is it to use.

I found that there were more than a few complex concepts in the book that I had to rewind and listen to a few times. However, there was nothing I couldn't understand, and I think that will be true for the majority of readers or listeners. It helps that Lair does not preach - he offers tools and solutions for you to take or leave. Lair comes across as a brother or cousin who has found some things that could be truly helpful, and we would all be wise to listen to what he has learned.

Anyone who is interested in improving their relationships (and I doubt anyone would be reading reviews of this book if they weren't) will find value in this book, and be given ways to make those improvements. It has worked for me, and it will work for anyone who gives it a chance.

Incredible!

Digestible and comprehensive! Very impressed!!
I have listened to it multiple times since my Audible purchase.

What an incredible book.

The authors holistic approach is nothing short of fantastic. Been around “self help” stuff for awhile but this GETS IN THE WEEDS and helps address the causes rather than give quick fixes. I cannot recommend enough. There is also a hardcover book that is good for taking notes in the margin or marking up with post it notes and sections that hit home if part of a journaling exercise etc. thankful I stumbled upon this and I have a feeling we will be hearing about this author for years to come.

Very revealing!

Great revelation into understanding myself, my husband, and the dynamics of our relationship from the baggage we brought into our marriage.

Important read for all relationships

I own this book and also listened to the book on audible!! First off, the author, Lair, has such honest relatable tone and quality to his voice. As if, you have know him for years! Which also makes the practices of this book easy to absorb.

This is not just for couples in trouble. I have been married for over ten years and it has been great book/tool to restrengthen, refresh and restore our communication habits. We needed it!!

Also, I found myself checking in on myself and the work I can do better.

This is must for all forms of relationships.

Wonderful book for everyone to read

What a great book for not only couples and therapists, but for individuals as well. The author offers accessible techniques for anyone to be able to take personal responsibility for how they show up in their relationships. Each step is clearly laid out & explained in practical terms & through anecdotal stories which make the book interesting & easy to listen to. Although the book is focused on romantic relationships, I believe the ideas and practical steps can serve as a healthy foundation for all our relationships.

Insightful and empowering for any relationship

Highly recommend The Practice of Love. If you feel overwhelmed at the prospect of listening to a book about healing relationships, as soon as you start this you will feel at ease. This book really does provide practical tools to deepen relationships of any kind - romantic, familial, friendships, etc. - rather than giving you a complicated diagnosis as to why relationships are hard. It's done in an accessible and welcoming way. You find yourself nodding your head as you read.
The author has put in the time in his practice as an LMFT to give you these practices, and he distills each of them with compassion and humanity. Structured with examples of couples pulled from his years of practice, you can see the research and expertise of the work unfolding so that you can implement it yourself.

Narration is excellent. Familiar, approachable, easy on the ears.

Incredible.

I needed this book in my life. It’s what I needed to hear in order to help me take personal responsibility for my actions and start the mending process for my relationship. Thanks for putting all of your wisdom into this book. It’s modern, real, easy to understand and truthful.