It's Not Me, It's You

Break the Blame Cycle. Relationship Better.

By: John Kim, Vanessa Bennett

Narrated by: John Kim, Vanessa Bennett

Length: 6 hrs and 43 mins

Publisher's summary

Two therapists analyze their own relationship to help untangle the common and frustrating barriers many individuals face on the road to a happy, loving, rewarding partnership.

Many of the clients who end up in our respective therapist offices thought they were doing relationships right—avoiding the white picket fence, focusing on careers and experiences over babies and legally-binding documents, choosing someone after they “found themselves” first. However, like clockwork, around their early to mid-thirties, these clients show up at our door. Why? For the first time, they realize that they dislike their relationship and are frustrated by their partner but know that another break-up won’t fix things. They recognize a pattern of relationship misery that has them finally looking in the mirror asking, how do you make a relationship last?

It took us many relationships, our own inner self journey (which we’re still on), therapy, therapy school, and helping thousands of people with their relationships, to learn to have better ones ourselves. Vanessa woke up at 31, after ending an engagement and moving to Los Angeles. John thought he woke up at 35 after his divorce. But he didn’t truly wake up until he was pushing 40.

In It’s Not Me, It’s You, John and Vanessa dissect their own relationship to help readers figure out theirs: what their relationships were like in the past, what traumas they carried into the new relationship, and how they work on growing together to foster a healthy and long-term bond.

The surprising truth is falling in love is more about you than your partner. It’s more about challenge and growth than comfort and ease, and roots don’t grow from wishful thinking—they grow in the soil of communication, curiosity, patience, and understanding.

It’s Not Me, It’s You is for anyone looking for real advice on relationships that takes both sides into account and discusses relationships with the honesty and clarity we all need.

Supplemental enhancement PDF accompanies the audiobook.

PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.

©2022 John Kim, Vanessa Bennett (P)2022 HarperCollins Publishers

Best relationship & codependency book I’ve read in a long time

I loved how this book challenged me to in specific ways to look again at why I don’t speak up in my marriage. I also got a clearer understanding of the role love languages plays in my being haunted by exes & feeling unloved in my marriage. I appreciate the attachment book and love language book recommendations.
I wish there had been more resources for discerning emotional abuse, the confusion it creates and safe steps to take to own my codependency while not exposing myself unnecessarily to an unsafe person.
I feel the need to buy the hard copy version of the book to review it and to journal my responses to questions. And there was mention of a breakout box on codependent types that I think I missed in the audio version.
I has sworn off relationship books b/c I think I’ve tried everything, but this book actually fired me up to take a deeper look at my tendencies for the personal benefit it will bring me as well as to fulfill my obligation to my current and future relationships.

Life changing!

I found this book when I needed it the most! Thank You! I realized I was wrong in so many things when it comes to the idea of love and a healthy relationship!

Clarity!

Amazing reading! Life changing if your in a relationship and you want it to stand the test of time.

Best book to listen to to expand your view on a relationship

This book touched me. I found myself laughing out of relatability, yet retiring to listen when in need of strength, comfort and understanding in my own relationship. Each chapter is crafted to perfection. I love the intertwine between Vanessa’s and johns perspective. They would talk about a topic, give it structure, add their own relationship into it then give you guidance on how to work through it. It was raw, yet well composed. I found several similarities to how Vanessa and John are to my own relationship. I felt comforted in the arms of this book and wished it wouldn’t end. I hope to see Vanessa write more books as I allied with her perspective more than johns, but the togetherness and self understanding of faults and challenges is what made this book so pure and purposeful. I have recommended it to all of my friends in a relationship, because they talk about what isn’t talked about and adds reason to keep the boat afloat when you feel like you see holes. It’s honest and will listen to it more than once. Do yourself a favor and let yourself grow throughout this book!

Hmm

makes you look at your everyday relationships in perspective. will listen again to use in my everyday life

Another Successful Book!

I have read most of John's books and it's great to have Vanessa speaking about her side of the story too! I hope there is a sequel to this book! Thank you for all that you do!

Will read again!

This book does such a good job looking at a lot of key relationship elements. There is a lot to take away for both friendships and romantic relationships. I wanted to keep reading but found myself purposely putting the book down to critically think about the information being provided. Great read!

Incredible!

This book describes exactly how my relationships have been all my life, it’s so refreshing to have found a resource that finally breaks down how to get to the root of the problem and where those problems potentially come from in order to have a healthy relationship. Appreciate John and Vanessa being transparent and allowing us to look into their relationship for personal growth and the growth of our relationships not only romantically but every relationship we’re involved in.
Also love the reflection questions.

Therapeutic, punn intended

I just recently came across The Angry Therapist, and since then I have found keen interest in everything he (and now she) has said. They're honest, upfront and knowledgeable on most of the struggles I've had in my life. It helps me better understand myself, and how to continue to be the best person, and lover, I'm capable of.

Eye opening

I love the balance of real and clinical. It has been very eye-opening for me in getting to know and understand not only my partner but also myself better. Listened twice already and probably going to be something I go back and listen to periodically for a refresh.