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Deal Breakers: When to Work on a Relationship and When to Walk Away | [Dr. Bethany Marshall]

Deal Breakers: When to Work on a Relationship and When to Walk Away

This is a book about men. Not all men, just emotionally unhealthy men. The ones who make you question, "Is it him or is it me? Am I making too big a deal out of this? I try to tell him how I feel, but he says I'm overreacting or needy or it's all my fault". Relationships are hard work, but how hard should they be? When do you know you are struggling too hard to make a relationship succeed?
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Publisher's Summary

This is a book about men. Not all men, just emotionally unhealthy men. The ones who make you ask, "Is it him or is it me? Am I making too big a deal out of this? I try to tell him how I feel, but he says I'm overreacting or needy or it's all my fault". Relationships are hard work, but how hard should they be? When do you know you are struggling too hard to make a relationship succeed?

Deal Breakers is about getting out of this "relationship purgatory": where the present is unfulfilling and the future is the only thing you can hope for. But there is no magic future. If he won't work on problems today, it's unlikely they'll ever be resolved. And passively hoping for change will only cost you years of depression or expensive therapy.

Dr. Bethany Marshall is here to remind women that relationships, like business relationships, are deals. In the business world, a deal breaker is the one non-negotiable term that, if not agreed to, means the deal is off. But in the world of relationships, identifying your deal breaker can be much more promising, as it holds out the possibility of helping you to understand where the relationship has gone wrong, what needs to be done in order to make it better, and when to walk away because you're doing more work than him to fix it.

©2007 Dr. Bethany Marshall; (P)2007 Tantor Media Inc.

What Members Say

Average Customer Rating

4.0 (197 )
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  •  
    Kimberley Dallas, TX 02-20-08
    Kimberley Dallas, TX 02-20-08
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    "I Cried Thru The First Thirty Minutes..."

    partly out of the sadness I felt wishing I'd heard the audio when I was a teenage girl desperate for the love of a boy to replace the love I couldn't get from my dad. Had I heard this audio then, I bet my love life would have turned out much different and much less painful. I also cried to know that a renowned female had written a book about someone like me...it was comforting and freeing as I cried realizing I was not the only woman making the same mistakes over and over and that there was hope! I stopped and started this audio several times just to write down important points. I highly recommend to any woman who feels like she's spent her life settling for way too little and knows she deserves more! Enjoy!

    15 of 15 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Holly SPANAWAY, WA, United States 08-21-12
    Holly SPANAWAY, WA, United States 08-21-12
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    "A must read if having doubts!!!"
    What made the experience of listening to Deal Breakers the most enjoyable?

    This book is a must read that I wish I had sooner. It is a real eye opener to intimate relationships of will this work or not. I have been having problems in my marriage and have been deciding for years whether I should stay or not. Deal breakers put the concerns and issues I have about my husband into perspective of what is workable and what isn't. I found through this book if its a personality trait problem the situation most likely won't change. This book has changed how I see my relationship. It showed me how a partner is suppose to be part of a relationship. I have for years been working harder at my marriage than my husband and this book has made it clear, a relationship should not be one person doing most of the work. Deal breakers describes relationship problems in a different most helpful way. I have listened to this book three times already and recommend it to friends, family, and co-workers. Please read the book if you are having relationship problems, you will be surprised!


    4 of 4 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Grace lake jackson, TX, United States 10-29-12
    Grace lake jackson, TX, United States 10-29-12
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    "If you are ready to hear the truth, read this!"

    This book sure got my attention. I have been procrastinating over a miserable situation for way too long. This book is an eye opener and doesn't make anyone "wrong". The truth will set you free, but it may sting for a while...

    3 of 3 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Sandra 09-17-12
    Sandra 09-17-12
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    "When you need affirmation"
    Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?

    If you are on the fence about whether to stay or go this book can help you stay more rationally focused on your decision


    What other book might you compare Deal Breakers to and why?

    Went well with Attached. Attached has a clinical basis which helped deepen my understanding of the psychology. Deal Breakers is good practical girl to girl advice.


    Any additional comments?

    If and when it's time, listen to this book.

    3 of 3 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Jessica York, PA, USA 05-17-07
    Jessica York, PA, USA 05-17-07
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    "Fantastic"

    This book is wonderful and hits the nail on the head. It sounds like she is talking about my dysfunctional relationship and really put things in perspective. A+++

    7 of 8 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Julane Mill Valley, CA, USA 08-21-07
    Julane Mill Valley, CA, USA 08-21-07
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    "just buy it"

    if you are looking at this title/book, than perhaps the "something isn't right" feeling is within you. Oh my, this book nailed me, my attractions to Mr Do No Wrong, and Mr Man In Charge, also how I have treated some of the people in my life like a Miss Woman Do No Wrong. I have had trouble in the trying harder, collapse with in, believing "him", why would he lie?? This is a very healing, telling book. The author also has an easy voice to listen to. I have listened about 5 times now.

    10 of 12 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Victoria NC, USA 09-11-12
    Victoria NC, USA 09-11-12
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    "I Now Understand What a REAL Deal Breaker Is"
    What made the experience of listening to Deal Breakers the most enjoyable?

    I could personally relate to nearly every scenario. I could easily understand how my life would have been different or my time wouldn't have been wasted.


    2 of 2 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Alicia La Jolla, CA, USA 11-26-07
    Alicia La Jolla, CA, USA 11-26-07
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    "straight-forward & informative"

    Overall, a great book. I'd recommend it to any girlfriend wanting to weed out the wrong guys early-on in the dating process and find the right man for her. I got a lot out of listening to this audiobook. However, it's a tad depressive. Maybe listen to this while washing dishes or cleaning up around your home--that way your brain can be disengaged and DETACHED from hearing the depressing but helpful information. Ultimately though, the people we end up with are those who make us feel good about ourselves, and they feel good about themselves when they're with us. I found it interesting that the author didn't say much on following one's intuition regarding relationships...it can be an invaluable tool for insight if you allow yourself to access your own inner knowledge.

    7 of 9 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Lauren 11-25-12
    Lauren 11-25-12 Member Since 2011
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    "Read If You're Confused & Want To Change That"

    You're with someone who isn't good for you and you keep giving them chances, but they never really improve your relationship or return to being that great person you fell in love with. Your day-to-day or long term relationship looks bleak and you don't know what to do. You do know what to do, but you're scared and 2nd guessing that decision for some reason. If you want help analyzing your decisions to break up & stay with this person and need help going from optimist to realist or even pessimist (because then you'd be living life by the rules not the exceptions and giving bozo the chance to prove you wrong) this book will allow you the chance to do that.

    Better than friends and family, this book will allow you ALL THE TIME you need to comb through the details of your messy relationship and it will reinforce your self-confidence and intuition which you certainly need at the moment you're considering reading this book.

    It was a not a male bashing book at all as some other reviews have stated. And I'm a girl's girl so I know what male bashing looks like. This book just gives you reassurance that No, It's Not You and details the 5 types of deal breakers. If this were a male bashing book, it would go on to say "and even if it is you, screw him because he's not good enough for you". I got through the 5 types of problematic men, realized my guy was most if not all of them, fell asleep through the rest of the book and woke up knowing my decision to break up with him was the best thing for both of us. And if I needed more time to mull over my decision, I could always replay the book.

    The best parts are the "how bad is it?" levels that the author gives you. Just in case you're still thinking about working on it. She tells you the cases where you should work on it and other cases where it's difficult to see this person changing and you should probably get out of dodge. So if he calls back promising to change, you already know if he's a moderate or severe problem.

    This book will help you get through the pain and confusion and identify the things that are so hard to see because you're using your heart more than your head.

    4 of 5 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Chawntilly United States 08-09-12
    Chawntilly United States 08-09-12 Member Since 2011
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    "Every Woman...This is a MUST Read!!!! (listen)"
    Where does Deal Breakers rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?

    I enjoyed this audio book very much. The narrator has a nice voice.


    What was one of the most memorable moments of Deal Breakers?

    I learned more about unhealthy men listening to this audio book than I could ever imagine.


    Did you have an extreme reaction to this book? Did it make you laugh or cry?

    I was able to relate and learn. This audio book helped me take a step back and take a different point of view of the my slowly ending relationship and FINALLY understand what is going on.


    Any additional comments?

    I think I want to purchase this book and give it to every woman that I know!!!!

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
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  • Ms. Sl Wilson-dickson
    U.K.
    8/29/13
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    "Disturbing. But good."

    I found this one good, but it disturbed me to the point I found it upsetting to read which is why i give only 4 stars. It makes you feel like "oh my god...it's a deal breaker then...Oh no..i've got to finish it then.."..good info to know, but maybe you could end up diagnosing your BF into a catergory a little harshley if you are going through a bad patch and he displays certain negative attributes, you could nail his coffin well and truley shut with this no nonsense book so approach with caution.

    3 of 4 people found this review helpful
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