Mating in Captivity

Reconciling the Erotic & the Domestic

By: Esther Perel

Narrated by: Esther Perel

Length: 8 hrs and 8 mins

Publisher's summary

Esther Perel takes on tough questions, grappling with the obstacles and anxieties that arise when our quest for secure love conflicts with our pursuit of passion. She invites us to explore the paradoxical union of domesticity and sexual desire, and explains what it takes to bring lust home.

In her 20 years of clinical experience, Perel has treated hundreds of couples whose home lives are empty of passion. They describe relationships that are open and loving, yet sexually dull. What is going on?

In this explosively original book, Perel explains that our cultural penchant for equality, togetherness, and absolute candor is antithetical to erotic desire for both men and women. Sexual excitement doesn't always play by the rules of good citizenship. It is politically incorrect. It thrives on power plays, unfair advantages, and the space between self and other. More exciting, playful, even poetic sex is possible, but first we must kick egalitarian ideals and emotional housekeeping out of our bedrooms.

While Mating in Captivity shows why the domestic realm can feel like a cage, Perel's take on bedroom dynamics promises to liberate, enchant, and provoke. Flinging the doors open on erotic life and domesticity, she invites us to put the "X" back in sex.

©2006 Esther Perel (P)2006 HarperCollins Publishers

Critic reviews

"As revelatory as it is straightforward....Perel sanctions fantasy and play and offers the estranged modern couple a unique richness of experience." (Publishers Weekly)

not just for those struggling

I'm happily married. I have sex 2-3 times a week with my wife. we love sex. this isn't just to fix problems but also to see pitfalls that wife and I were heading for and avoid them. I like to read about techniques to keep relationships healthy and this one meets that head on. it doesn't push any individual approach but instead focuses on staying in a healthy mindset. I may start giving this book as a wedding present.

An eye opener

I listen to audio books a lot. 650 books in my library. Some I listen to again, and again. This is definitely a must repeat listen. It made me think about how selfish we can be in relationships. Great stories that you can easily identify with, combined with depth that begs a second listening. Definitely a book that can breath life into a relationship where perceived differences are explained and a path to a new way is mapped out.

Must-read for couples

After a recent break up over a year ago, I listened to this book at a time when I thought I would be working towards settling down in a relationship again. I am almost convinced that I must force every new partner I find to read this text because it helps parties of both sides of the experience to understand relationship issues from the other side. Truly insightful, it's clear that Esther has put a lot of work into pulling together this masterpiece!

Insightful!

Many of her points challenge traditional thinking, and I found this book insightful and valuable. Very well done!

SO GOOD!

I felt this was an engaging and realistic look into intimacy! I am in my early 20's and I found even the stories about married/couples with children very insightful.

Absolutely riveting! I could put it down!

I wouldn't shut up about this book while I was reading it! Now my partner is to! So many practical and exciting stories and ideas!

Renewed my Faith in Love and Passion

I love someone finally questioning the traditional roles of love and passion in our culture. This book inspired me to fearlessly admit the deep passion I long for and gave me the tools and courage to find it in my long term marriage. It is liberating and deeply inspiring.

Sometimes crass, but always insightful. Read it!

This is a great title for anyone looking to gain insight into their relationship and the sexual dynamics that tend to cause strife. Dr. Perels worldly views on a topic that affects is all, is both refreshing and eye-opening. Her at times unconventional approach to dealing with eroticism in a monogamous framework is compelling. Very direct and unabashed, the content in this book leaves no topic of discussion off the table. I'm a changed husband/lover/man; two thumbs up!

Good relationship information

This relationship therapist offers examples and advice useful for anyone in a relationship or who will be in a relationship. It's definitely worth a listen and can help those who are sexually repressed by more comfortable with their desires and those of their partner. It won't solve everything, but it's definitely worth a listen.

A Long Term Success Manual for All Couples

Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?

First, take a listen to Esther Perel's TED talks to see if you like her voice. I found listening to Esther Perel not only instructive but hypnotic. Her many many examples of clients she has helped through her counseling provides all sorts of useful scenarios (and hangups) as well as resolutions that couples have achieved no matter what they were struggling with.

Which character – as performed by Esther Perel – was your favorite?

The narrator

Was there a moment in the book that particularly moved you?

The bottomline is that eroticism is key to happy relationships. It's not all about sex. You will learn how to have the excitement and tension and lust in your committed relationship that you might be tempted to find outside of your partnership. She'll teach you how to spark what keeps us alive in the long run within your long-term relationships.

Any additional comments?

Have an open mind as you listen. You might be tempted to think "that's not our problem." But it probably is. And looking inward as you listen will really help.

It's nice that she tells stories about couples who are both straight and gay. She also touches on polyamory / open relationships.