On Our Best Behavior

The Seven Deadly Sins and the Price Women Pay to Be Good

By: Elise Loehnen

Narrated by: Elise Loehnen

Length: 11 hrs and 54 mins

Publisher's summary

NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • A groundbreaking exploration of the ancient rules women unwittingly follow in order to be considered “good,” revealing how the Seven Deadly Sins still control and distort our lives and illuminating a path toward a more balanced, spiritually complete way to live

Why do women equate self-denial with being good?

We congratulate ourselves when we resist the donut in the office breakroom. We celebrate our restraint when we hold back from sending an email in anger. We feel virtuous when we wake up at dawn to get a jump on the day. We put others’ needs ahead of our own and believe this makes us exemplary. In On Our Best Behavior, journalist Elise Loehnen explains that these impulses—often lauded as unselfish, distinctly feminine instincts—are actually ingrained in us by a culture that reaps the benefits, via an extraordinarily effective collection of mores known as the Seven Deadly Sins.

Since being codified by the Christian church in the fourth century, the Seven Deadly Sins—pride, greed, lust, envy, gluttony, wrath, and sloth—have exerted insidious power. Even today, in our largely secular, patriarchal society, they continue to circumscribe women’s behavior. For example, seeing sloth as sinful leads women to deny themselves rest; a fear of gluttony drives them to ignore their appetites; and an aversion to greed prevents them from negotiating for themselves and contributes to the 55 percent gender wealth gap.

In On Our Best Behavior, Loehnen reveals how we’ve been programmed to obey the rules represented by these sins and how doing so qualifies us as “good.” This probing analysis of contemporary culture and thoroughly researched history explains how women have internalized the patriarchy, and how they unwittingly reinforce it. By sharing her own story and the spiritual wisdom of other traditions, Loehnen shows how we can break free and discover the integrity and wholeness we seek.

©2023 Elise Loehnen (P)2023 Random House Audio

Critic reviews

“What if women finally found freedom—because we gave it to ourselves? Elise Loehnen brilliantly reframes our toxic cultural programming and helps us to see that what we thought were our sins are actually our greatest virtues. This book is the gift we have all been waiting for.”—Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone

“A stunning, big, and bold encyclopedia of how to live—the first post-pandemic book to take our latest measurements and provide something fresh to comfort, embolden, enlighten, and enrich who we are today . . . On Our Best Behavior is nothing short of a tangible necessity in our new intangible world.”—Lisa Taddeo, New York Times bestselling author of Three Women

“A raw cri de coeur, penetrating social analysis, and revealing personal reflection . . . Elise Loehnen deftly deconstructs one of the central ideological buttresses of patriarchal society: the shaming of women for having human desires, strengths, capacities, and strivings of body, mind, and soul. Doing so, she provides a guide to liberation and a return to the authentic feminine self.”—Gabor Maté, MD, New York Times bestselling author of The Myth of Normal

Loved it!

I will be gifting this for all of my friends! So insightful and thought provoking! I can’t wait for Elise to write more.

Essential reading

This book is essential reading for all. I can’t recommend it highly enough. Elise is brilliant and this is a thorough investigation of the waters in which we swim unwittingly.

Everyone needs to read this ✨

I’ll admit, I bought this book because I was in awe of the cover art. My expectations were low because I didn’t know what to expect. This book will easily be on the top 3 books I’ll read in 2024 and I feel so thankful I happened to read it while I am in the midst of looking at my life values to decide how I want to show up in the world as I prepare to become engaged and start planning a family at the same time I’m preparing to expand in my career.

This book put words to so many feelings I’ve been filtering through and unsure how to approach with myself or any other human being. It helped me understand my own trauma and how that has led to me short circuiting my own pleasure as its always feels tainted and I’ve always felt responsible for the situation that unfolded. I now have words to help me move forward from that and express my need to heal that part of myself.

My absolute favorite part of this book is when Elise opens up about her experience with grief when she lost her BIL. It hit so close to home for me as I too lost my young BIL who I was close with and spent just as much time with him as I did with my sister. I don’t often hear families speak of their in-laws as people they feel close to, more so that they feel obligated to them. When David passed I didn’t know how to express that losing him was losing a brother because many people around me do not consider in-laws as close. Knowing there is anyone else out there who understands how tragic it felt helped me feel so validated in my grief.

i love how thorough this book is

this book just might change my view of myself and our responsibilities in the world

Love

Love this book! My hope is all will read/listen and reflect on how best to deconstruct our patriarchal society.

no surprise

Elise hit a home run. Are we really surprised? She is one of the most brilliant humans I know. I used to cringe hearing the word "patriarchy" thrown around like it was the trendy thing to discuss. I quickly realized how much I did not know/realize about it. My mind was blown and expanded time and time again as I read this book. Thank you, Elise, for being intelligent enough and brave/vulnerable enough to put these much needed words out into the Universe.

Every Woman NEEDS to read this book

I thoroughly enjoyed this book. Sometimes thru tears, rage, and sadness but wow how I needed this book.

Shadow Work at its finest.

This book is an in depth look at the parts u
Of us that we have been taught to ignore. It shows clearly that when we do have the courage to look at those shadowy parts of us that is where true power lies to heal and transcend the modern day challenges of Patriarchy.

Insightful and empowering

This was an incredibly insightful and empowering book. I’ll need to read it again to fully grasp the message as I’m sure I missed some valuable info.

Brilliant

This book is the most well written book I have ever read. It is truly life changing. The author thought of every detail and left no stone unturned. There was so much truth in each page, that I found myself re reading many of them, as well as having to put it down for a day or two to grapple with everything she pointed out. It’s a must read for our time!!! Thank you Elise for creating this book.