Having a psych degree myself I was very familiar with Jung, introverts and extroverts so usually I don't really get anything new out of these books. And being an introvert myself I was really surprised at this book. I hadn't realized the impact on energy. Or rather when she gave more examples of day to day that put it in different perspective. Usually the discussion is more abstract rather than practical daily application.
it really brought home to me my current chronic fatigue. I have an extremely extroverted son and husband. My husband was never a problem because he was independent. Her description of her Vegas trip with her extrovert husband was EXACTLY like mine. I slept while he won money at the casino.
I never really thought about the energy factor though and how it's draining to keep up with an extrovert. My son was highly active even in the womb. And if I didn't wear him out he would not sleep. He and his dad can get about 5 hours of sleep and be bright eyed and bushy tailed. My other son and I need at least 7-8 hours and more alone and quiet time. I was pondering what was wrong with me as we were ending this 7 day a week summer as I allowed my son to be on the swim team, which is 6 days a week, plus work as a life guard, plus volunteer at the zoo. I made him give up his Martial Arts class and drama club until after swim season. But we still ended up with a 7 day a week schedule, with multiple activities some days for the last 5 months. I literally felt like I was going crazy, being tortured and slowly killed all at the same time. If I'd had some time to reflect and recharge I would have realized sooner that I'd never before tried to keep up with an extrovert. My son is only 15 so I have been the mom taxi and have to socialize and be out and about far more than I would have ever dreamed and he is in seventh heaven. He does not feel over scheduled. This is the first time I've let him do so many activities at once. I was sure he'd be overwhelmed by now. Now I realize why he is always so ready to go and he cannot sleep at night if he doesn't swim, work out at the gym or do several hours of his martial arts class. He is the reason he and his brother started swimming on at team at age 5. It was the only sport that had practice 5 days a week and twice in the summer. But, without it he would not sleep.
overall, it was very insightful.
I never give 5 stars for anything as I want to reserve it for books that are truly excellent. Why Does He Do That is one such book. I found myself asking this exact question and so the title of the book drew me in immediately. The author then eliminates the confused state you've found yourself in with every chapter that breaks down why your partner acts the way he does. If your partner or ex partner fits the description of the abusers in the book whether it's physical or non-physical abuse, then the book will explain why you have a partner who resembles Jekyll and Hyde.
I like how the book lays out a multitude of questions that women may find themselves asking and then answers each one of them as the book progresses. The author is experienced and understanding and it's actually off-putting to hear a man advocate for women's rights so fervently. It's not something you see a lot on society. And it's not about him being an extreme feminist, but him saying everyone has the right to be treated with love and respect and he combats the abuser's perspective resolutely by saying there is absolutely no excuse for their behavior and he describes what that behavior is.
The author gets into the details of what abuse is because you may not even know that it's happening as the victim or an onlooker. Things we brush off everyday because me telltale signs of abuse. The overall message of the book is that abusers do not change without external pressure to do so and that we need to educate and empower individuals to create a community where abuse is snuffed out as a value society does not tolerate. Because that's really the only way abuse is going to stop. It's a lofty, idealistic goal, but sometimes you have to be lofty, idealistic, educated and resolute in order to influence great change.
I recommend this book to anyone who just wants another perspective on their relationship. If it feels like something isn't right, you're not happy, you're partner is tears you down, takes things out on you, scares you, threatens you to the point where you feel like you're suffering or walking on egg shells, holding your tongue about things, always questioning how to keep him happy or stay on his good side...then you need to read this book. This may be one situation where thinking about yourself is an absolutely must and being nurturing and understanding is only going to destroy you from the inside out. After reading this, I just felt better not being confused anymore. It's sometimes difficult to explain to people what you're experiencing when you're not even sure. So if nothing else, this book was very healing for me. I'm absolutely sure this book can help other women, especially if they're in a situation that is life threatening or involves children. There's also sections for everyone involved with abusive situations which is why this is a must read! If you're a family member or friend or clergyman or counselor or judge or probation officer--there is something in here for everyone not just the victim. End the confusion and be empowered through knowledge. Five stars!!!!!