The Bad Mother Series

So I’ve had a baby. But motherhood isn’t quite how I imagined. I don’t live in a lovely cottage with roses around the door. I don’t know how to get Daisy to sleep. I don’t own a baking tray. And then there’s Daisy’s sh*tbag of a father... When Juliette has a baby, she knows her life isn’t sorted. Not by a long way. And most especially not with Nick, long-term boyfriend and father of her child. Far from living the dream family life, Juliette and Nick rent a city apartment and share a tiny, shiny elevator with executives and their takeaway Thai meals.

As a mother, I imagined myself somewhere between Mary Poppins and Jules Oliver. You know - growing my own courgettes, laughing whilst covered in mud, possibly having my own kiddie clothing range...that sort of thing. But unforeseen circumstances have thrown me far from vegetable patches and spoonfuls of sugar. I am currently a single mother, living with my parents. And this New Year, I am in need of a major detox. What am I detoxing? Daisy’s father, Nick.

So I’m knocked up again. Preggers. Up the duff. Or to put it another way...whoops. And while Alex and I get our heads around unexpected parenthood, I’m having all the usual pregnancy symptoms: throwing up, indigestion, sciatica, constipation, migraines and brain-fuddling tiredness. Mother Nature is a psychopathic old hag. Luckily, modern science offers some lovely distractions, in the form of cruise ships and European air travel. This summer I’m determined to get away. Mum is demanding the usual Duffy family all-inclusive Greek holiday.

So I’m knocked up again. Preggers. Up the duff. Or to put it another way...whoops. And I am in NO WAY prepared for the shit-storm of pregnancy. While Nick and I get our heads around unexpected parenthood, I’m having all the usual pregnancy symptoms: throwing up, indigestion, sciatica, constipation, migraines, and brain-fuddling tiredness.