I remember my Dad uttering a saying that history tells us was already deeply entrenched in American culture in the late eighteen-hundreds. That saying was this: “Monkey see, monkey do.” While the saying pointed to the mimicry evident among monkeys as they would watch humans, the 1968 movie “Planet of the Apes” had the monkeys inverting the saying to “Human see, human do.” When it comes to parenting, the apes in the movie were spot-on. Our parental example will be imitated by our kids. A new study looked at parents and their eleven and twelve year old kids to see if parents who tell white lies, raise kids who are more prone to tell lies themselves. The study found, not surprisingly, that when parents tell white lies and the kids know what they are hearing is a lie, those kids are more prone to learn to lie themselves. Parents, teaching your kids God’s will and way requires truthfulness in all things. And we would do well to remember the ninth commandment, which forbids lying.

A friend recently told me about a conversation about smartphones that happened at her family dinner table. She and her husband had established a wise policy for their son and daughter: you cannot have a phone until you turn fifteen. Their son, age seventeen, had had his smartphone for two years. Their daughter, age fourteen, was very much looking forward to her upcoming fifteenth birthday so that she could enter the world of the smartphone. At one point during the meal, the daughter excitedly share her anticipation: “I can’t wait until I turn fifteen so that I can get my own smartphone!” Before anyone else had a chance to respond, her seventeen-year-old brother turned to her, held up his phone, and very seriously said, “Don’t do it. Don’t do it. Since I got this thing two years ago, I’m more anxious than ever.” Parents, I’m sure you’re wondering when to put a smartphone in the hands of your kids. Take into account the wisdom this teenager gained from his own negative experience.

In his wonderful little book for teenagers, “Do Not Be True To Yourself,” Kevin DeYoung quotes a bit of advice Pulitzer Prize winning writer Anna Quindlen once gave to a group of graduating seniors. Quindlen said, “Each of you is as different as your fingertips. Why should you march to any lockstep? Our love of lockstep is our greatest curse, the source of all that bedevils us. It is the source of homophobia, xenophobia, racism, sexism, terrorism, bigotry of every variety and hue because it tells us that there is one right way to do things, to look, to behave, to feel, when the only right way is to feel your heart hammering inside you and to listen to what its timpani is saying.” DeYoung follows up Quindlen’s bad advice with this corrective which each of our kids needs to hear and embrace: “Do not follow your dreams. Do not march to the beat of your own drummer. And whatever you do, do not be true to yourself.” The Gospel calls us follow the way and will of Jesus Christ.

Recently, the Canadian Center for Child Protection issued a warning to parents regarding an app called Wizz. . . that’s spelled W-I-Z-Z. The app bills itself as the ultimate online platform for connecting young people from all over the world. It’s a place of self-expression, camaraderie, and genuine human interaction. The app tells users that it’s a vibrant space to build new friendships, boost self-esteem, and embrace the joy of social interaction. Like the Tinder app, Wizz users swipe the screen to find new friends and stories. Users can engage in real-time conversations with new friends around the world. So, why the concern with Wizz? Even with all of Wizz’s efforts to make the app safe, Canadian officials are reporting that there have been over one-hundred-and eighty reports of child sexual exploitation, with ninety-one percent of those concerning sextortion, with male users being victimized the most. Parents, monitor you kids, and be sure to remove dangerous social media apps.

When I was in college, I took as many Anthropology classes as I could. Simply stated, Anthropology is the discipline that studies the nature of humanity, including human biology and behavior. As Christians, we should be embracing a biblical anthropology, which is the study of our humanity as it relates to God. When we read the Bible, our understanding of who we are is rooted in the Creation narrative, where God differentiates us from everything else in Creation, making us in His image as male and female. Today, the trends in the secular world of anthropology tend to undermine the creation narrative, leading to the faulty assumption that we are who we feel, decide, and determine ourselves to be. In fact, the American Anthropological Association recently removed a session at their annual meeting that assumed the biological binary of male and female. This reminds us of our need to teach our kids the truth about who they’ve been created to be.

This week we’ve been looking at some of Dr. Marv Penner’s strategies and skills for helping hurting kids. Marv has developed a set of skills based on the acronym L.O.V.E. The letter E calls us to quick action, by taking steps to eliminate immediate dangers. Many hurting kids are involved in behaviors and relationships that require early intervention. Furthermore, we need to empower adolescents as people with the power to choose. As long as they feel like helpless victims, they won’t move forward. But most importantly, we must expect God to do his part to accomplish what only he can do in the lives of kids. God will provide his presence, his comfort, and his healing. L – O – V – E. When it comes to hurting kids, we must listen to them, offer encouragement and support, validate what’s happening in their lives, and eliminate immediate dangers. That’s a good place to begin as we endeavor to lead hurting kids to the hope and healing that comes through Jesus Christ.

This week we’re looking at some of Dr. Marv Penner’s strategies and skills for helping hurting kids. Marv has developed a set of skills based on the acronym L.O.V.E. The letter V calls us to validate what’s happening in the lives of hurting teenagers. Many kids in pain have been told that their perspectives are inaccurate, their emotions are illegitimate, and they need to “get over it.” Our relational commitment validates them as people of worth. Our supportive words validate the courage it takes to face their own pain and share their stories. And our patience and gentleness validate the emotions they feel about the circumstances they share with us. The fear, confusion, shame, hurt, isolation, anger, and loss must be processed, not simply stuffed away. All of us know how difficult it is to begin to open up to someone and to be told in one of a variety of ways that what we’re experiencing really doesn’t matter. Let’s avoid doing that with hurting kids.

This week we’re looking at some of Dr. Marv Penner’s strategies and skills for helping hurting kids. Marv has developed a set of skills based on the acronym L.O.V.E. The letter O refers to what we offer students who choose to risk sharing their hearts with us. They’ve come to us because they believe we have something they need. It’s important for us to offer hope in what they often consider to be hopeless circumstances. Offers of encouragement, support, wisdom, and advice can all express this hope. Maybe the most important thing we can offer kids is the willingness to go deeper with them. Most adults want to keep things safe and shallow. What are your offering to hurting kids? The Psalmist reminds us in Psalm Forty-two that we are to put our hope in God. If we have placed our hope and trust in the one who has made us and not in the things he has made, hurting kids will see that reality. Hope is the greatest gift we can give to kids in pain.