I recently received some feedback that got me thinking: what happens when we unintentionally hurt someone else's feelings? Our brains often trick us into believing that when someone hurts us, they did it deliberately. But in my experience as a psychologist, friend, and human, most of us will actually try to avoid hurting people at all costs. Even people we don't like.

When someone tells me I've hurt them, nine times out of ten, I didn't even know it happened.

When we're on the receiving end of hurt, though, it's common to want to lash out or shut down. However, to keep resentment from creeping in, it's important to address the issue quickly. This means making generous assumptions about the other person's intentions, because about 90% of the time, conflicts stem from misunderstandings that call for a conversation.

On the flip side, what happens when we're the ones who offended someone? If you grew up as I did as a Gen-Xer, there were no role models for effective and genuine apologies. Issues were swept under the rug, and we learned to be defensive to avoid accountability.

It's safe to say that most of us feel terrible knowing we've hurt someone and haven't tried to smooth things out.

Even when a relationship feels damaged beyond repair, the other person is likely looking for you to attempt to repair it. There is a silver lining, too — the fact that they're upset means they care about you and the relationship.

If apologizing is a skill you're working on (and it IS a skill we can all improve on), in this episode, you'll hear a helpful three-step process to making a great apology.

Key Takeaways:

• Our brains often assume others hurt us intentionally, but usually, it's unintentional.

• Addressing conflict quickly can help prevent resentment from creeping into your relationships.

• When hurt, it's useful to make generous assumptions about the other person's intentions and then communicate your perspective.

• Being good at apologizing quickly increases trust and empathy in your relationships.

Timestamps:

00:00 Why We Assume Intent

01:38 Speak Up Before Resentment Creeps In

02:46 Misunderstanding Vs. Boundaries

04:48 When You Hurt Someone

04:56 Why Apologies Feel Hard

07:36 Why It's a Good Thing They're Upset

08:30 Three-Step Apology Process

09:57 Strategies for Staying Calm

11:41 Keeping Your Apology Clear

12:19 Examples That Defuse Anger

14:06 Growth And Better Relationships

15:29 Teach Repair To Others

16:59 Closing And Contact Information

Link from today's episode:

• Get in touch for 1:1 therapy

Connect with me:

• Connect on LinkedIn

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• Connect on Instagram

I was thinking about how much of our daily stress is really caused by "stealth expectations"—those unconscious expectations we don't communicate, which often lead to disappointment and conflict.

I love to call them "stealth expectations" because we don't even realize we have them, yet they drive our behaviour. The thing is, they're often associated with perfectionism and the desire to control circumstances, all so we can avoid feeling uncomfortable.

You've probably had the thought yourself that "they should just know" what you're thinking. But people aren't psychic and don't have the same information, thought process, or upbringing that we do.

As Buddha would say, "peace begins when expectations end."

To reduce frustration, I encourage you to determine your expectations before attending any meeting or family gathering.

Then, if you find yourself frustrated, I encourage you to reality check that expectation: Is it realistic, or is it only something that could happen in a perfect world?

The real key is managing our own feelings, teaching our nervous systems to relax, and keeping an open mind.

What you'll learn today:

• Discover how stealth expectations can lead to resentment, disappointment, and conflict.

• How to identify the root cause underneath these unconscious expectations — they often stem from perfectionism and the desire to control people or circumstances.

• Remembering that what's obvious to you is not obvious to others.

• A simple strategy to pre-plan your expectations before an event, conversation, or meeting to minimize frustration.

• How to check your reality and communicate your expectations.

• A simple technique to tell your brain that you're safe when you feel activated.

Timestamps:

00:00 Stealth Expectations

01:07 Why Resentment Builds

02:32 The Mind Reading Myth

03:44 Spot Expectations Early

05:43 Hockey Ref Example

07:10 Reality Check Them

07:29 Say It Out Loud

08:32 Self Soothe Discomfort

09:34 Breathe Before Reacting

10:40 Open Mind And Worthiness

11:42 Closing And Contact

Link from today's episode:

• Get in touch for 1:1 therapy

Connect with me:

• Connect on LinkedIn

• Connect on Facebook

• Connect on Instagram

Related Episodes:

• 59: The Truth About Trust

• 58: Oversharing vs. True Vulnerability

• 54: How Unrealistic Expectations Lead to Burnout

I've been thinking a lot about connection lately—it was actually my New Year's resolution.

As we get older and busier, our friendships can suffer, and many of us are starting to ask, "Where are my people?"

This week's episode was inspired by my decision to throw my husband a surprise 50th birthday party (shhhh, it's next week), and the realization that many of us, myself included, have forgotten how to simply gather at home outside of kids' birthday parties.

I miss the impromptu gatherings when, as a kid, my family would have neighbors drop in for coffee or host bridge nights. There seemed to be many reasons to get the village together.

When I dug into some of the research for this episode, I uncovered sobering statistics on our social habits and just how lonely many of us are — especially among 15-24-year-olds.

We know that it takes a village to raise a family, and I can't help but wonder whether we're placing the responsibility for an entire village on our partners' and kids' shoulders. Are we expecting our immediate families to fulfill all our needs?

Since this is something I'm focused on improving this year, I share my personal tips for making socializing a priority and for hosting simple, low-pressure gatherings. The point isn't perfection; it's simply getting together.

Discover:

• Why our brains are hardwired for belonging, and why social support is as important as work and family.

• How half of people report feeling moderate to severe loneliness, and the loneliest age group is 15-24-year-olds.

• The problem with expecting your partner and kids to fill all your social needs puts too much emphasis on just a few relationships — we were designed to need a village to thrive.

• Tips to make gatherings a priority by creating time for socializing, saying no to things you don't enjoy, and delegating tasks like housework.

• Ways to keep get-togethers simple and instead of stressing over a perfect house or elaborate menu, order takeout, ask guests to contribute, and plan ahead so you can enjoy your own party.

• Why you should take the risk and host an impromptu get-together and invite new neighbors or friends over as a low-pressure way to build community.

Timestamps:

00:00 Why Friends Matter

01:27 A Fun Surprise 50th Birthday Party Plan

03:34 Have Adults Forgotten How to Gather?

04:55 What Changed After Becoming Parents and COVID?

07:41 Loneliness Stats and Social Support

10:38 Guilt and The Need for Connection

12:00 Make Socializing a Priority

13:42 Hosting Made Simple

14:56 Plan Ahead and Ask for Help

16:43 Neighborhood Party Success Story

18:33 Take the Risk and Wrap Up

Link from today's episode:

• Get in touch for 1:1 therapy

Connect with me:

• Connect on LinkedIn

• Connect on Facebook

• Connect on Instagram

Related Episodes:

• 54: How Unrealistic Expectations Lead to Burnout

• 53: The Anti-Overwhelm Formula: 3 Steps for an Easier Life

• 58: Oversharing vs. True Vulnerability

What do you do when things don't go as planned?

This, unfortunately, seems to be our new normal lately. We invest so much time and energy into planning — from our careers to our families to when we'll retire. The things we can't really plan for? The inevitable setbacks, accidents, or illnesses.

I used to think resilience was something people either had or didn't, or that it was cultivated through hardships. But what I've learned is that success comes from failing often and not quitting. Michael Jordan famously shared about how many game-winning shots he missed and how many games he's lost.

This illustrates the whole point — failure isn't a sign that there's something inherently wrong with us; it's a lesson containing valuable information for us.

The key to not letting setbacks take us out of the game is determination and the ability to reset. That's where Brené Brown's Rising Strong Process comes in. I break down the three crucial steps to help you respond as your best self instead of freezing, reacting defensively, or quitting:

1. The Reckoning (Walk into Your Story): Learn to notice when you're triggered. Identify the body sensation, name the emotion, and pause. We can train ourselves out of the primitive fight, flee, freeze, or fawn responses.

2. The Rumble (Own Your Story): Our brain loves to make up stories to fill in the gaps! Writing down the story you're telling yourself (without a filter) is a useful exercise.

3. The Revolution (Integrate the Learning): This is where you put the learning into practice, like regularly giving people the benefit of the doubt and getting curious before getting angry.

With Rising Strong skills, you'll be prepared for the unknown and trust that, no matter what happens, you can handle it. When things don't go your way, it just means you have a new problem to solve and a new lesson to learn. You can do this!

In this episode, discover:

• Why we need to expect the unexpected and understand that setbacks and curveballs are normal. Make plans, but also prepare the skills to be resilient.

• How failure is a key part of the learning process.

• Practical strategies to slow down your reaction, including naming the emotion, taking a breath, and pausing before jumping to a reaction you'll regret later.

• A simple technique to help you challenge your own stories to show you where you may be making assumptions.

• A simple mindset shift — believing that other people are doing their best — can make your life and relationships better.

• The common fear under our initial reactions to mistakes.

Timestamps:

00:00 When Plans Fall Apart

01:21 Why Resilience Matters

02:50 Failure Builds Greatness

04:52 Rising Strong Overview

06:20 Expecting the Unexpected

07:48 Step One: The Reckoning

10:11 Step Two: The Rumble

13:41 Rewriting our Story

15:48 Step Three: The Revolution

20:50 Being Prepared

21:31 Next Steps to Build Resilience

Links from today's episode:

• Dare to Lead Workshop

Connect with me:

• Connect on LinkedIn

• Connect on Facebook

• Connect on Instagram

Today, we're diving deep into the Dare to Lead skill set of trust. As I talk about in the episode, one of the worst things I could ever hear is, "I don't trust you".

Ouch, that's a gut punch!

It's interesting to consider how few people we truly trust, which often comes from not knowing what actually creates and breaks trust.

I get into the heart of the matter: trust is not inherent — it's earned. Leaders, politicians, teachers, CEOs, and even ourselves can be delusional in assuming people should trust us without demonstrating trustworthiness.

When trust is low, our stress skyrockets, and we don't feel safe enough to be vulnerable, take risks, or be creative. We even stop trusting ourselves if we realize we've trusted the wrong people.

The good news? We can learn how trust is built and broken. I introduce the seven elements of trust using the acronym BRAVING:

• B - Boundaries

• R - Reliability

• A - Accountability

• V - The Vault

• I - Integrity

• N - Non-judgment

• G - Generosity

We also discuss how to rebuild trust after it's broken, which always starts with recognizing the mistake, being accountable, and making amends. This is how we can turn hurt into a deeper connection. This can really help you build lasting relationships.

In this episode, discover:

• Trust is not a given and is achieved in small ways that leave a lasting impact.

• The seven elements of trust using the acronym BRAVING: Boundaries, Reliability, Accountability, Vault, Integrity, Non-judgment, and Generosity.

• People will respect you more when you're clear and kind about your boundaries rather than being a people-pleaser.

• Reliability issues often stem from underestimating how much time things take or saying "yes" when you actually mean no.

• Nothing erodes culture faster than seeing people get away with things without accountability.

• Trust is built gradually: start with a little trust, then a little vulnerability, and increase both over time.

Timestamps:

00:00 Welcome and Trust Topic Introduction

00:55 Why Trust Feels Risky

02:35 Trust Must Be Earned

04:09 Low Trust and Its Costs

05:38 Trust Breaks and Repairs

08:04 BRAVING Framework Overview

08:15 B- Boundaries Build Trust

12:46 R- Reliability Do What You Say

14:58 A- Accountability and Culture

15:52 V- The Vault No Gossip

17:37 I- Integrity and N- Nonjudgment

20:42 G- Generosity and Slow Trust

24:03 Self Trust and Red Flags

28:31 Wrap Up

Links from today's episode:

• Dare to Lead Workshop

Connect with me:

• Connect on LinkedIn

• Connect on Facebook

• Connect on Instagram

Today, I'm continuing our conversation about what makes us great leaders by diving into the concept of vulnerability. We often think of vulnerability as a weakness, but it's actually a measure of courage and strength.

As a leader, whether at work, with my family, or in my community, I'm required to lean into this discomfort and share vulnerably.

But it's important to note that there's a difference between vulnerability and plain oversharing. Sharing everything with everyone is oversharing. It's not actually necessary to be fully exposed to be vulnerable, and as a psychologist, I would advise against it.

Instead, we should be deliberate about what we share and with whom. Building trust takes time, and not everyone will earn it. When you share your ideas or opinions publicly, you risk inviting criticism from people you don't know. The fear of being judged is a natural deterrent our brains use to discourage this.

At the same time, being vulnerable sparks joy, creativity, love, and belonging. We need to be vulnerable to experience the best parts of life, so if we can bravely ease into supportive spaces, we become more comfortable with discomfort and build tolerance for risk.

In this episode, discover:

• Why you're actually a leader, even if you don't hold the title — it's influence that makes you one.

• How I use vulnerability as a parent to connect with my children's emotions and guide them as they grow.

• How to avoid a vulnerability hangover—that feeling of worry after putting yourself out there—and discover my technique for giving self-compassion when it happens.

• My guidelines for discerning between vulnerability and oversharing, and why I err on the side of caution to protect my mental health.

• Why self-confidence is a crucial pre-requisite to being vulnerable, and how I developed mine by taking risks.

• The powerful paradox of vulnerability: it can feel terrible, but it looks like strength to others.

Timestamps:

00:00 Leadership Isn't Just a Title: Influence in Everyday Life

01:16 Why Vulnerability Matters for High-Performing Leaders

01:43 Vulnerability in Real Life: Social Media, Speaking & Parenting

05:19 Letting Others Struggle: Building Resilience Instead of Fixing

07:04 The Vulnerability Hangover & Practicing Self-Compassion

09:13 Vulnerability vs. Oversharing: What to Share, When, and With Whom

14:57 Confidence as the Foundation: How It's Built Over Time

19:34 The Vulnerability Paradox: It Feels Like Weakness, Looks Like Strength

22:04 Handling Criticism & Choosing the Right Audience for Your Story

26:00 Myths, Emotions, and Connection: Why Vulnerability Makes Better Leaders

30:29 Closing + Invitation: Dare to Lead Workshops (2026)

Links from today's episode:

• Dare to Lead Workshop

Connect with Kimberly:

• Connect on LinkedIn

• Connect on Facebook

• Connect on Instagram

In this episode, we're diving back into the Dare to Lead framework, focusing on the crucial step of defining our values. Before taking the Dare to Lead workshop myself, I honestly thought knowing my values was just interesting knowledge, like an Enneagram or a personality test. But I quickly learned how profoundly life-changing it can be.

We often walk through life just reacting—getting mad in traffic, yelling at our kids over a mess, or feeling overwhelmed when someone calls us for help. We feel as if we're out of control, simply reacting to life.

But the truth is, we all have values, and they may be unconsciously driving our thoughts and feelings. Getting clear on them — and narrowing them down to just your top two — is an absolute game-changing tool for figuring out what direction to take when life throws challenges at us.

Values show us who we want to be.

I'll walk you through the process to narrow your values down to just two or three. Once you've identified your core values, you can create a system to make the best choice with the information you have in just about any situation.

You'll also hear a personal example of how applying my values of authenticity and generosity transformed a common reaction (passive-aggression or blame) into an intentional response (getting curious, having a conversation, and problem-solving).

Holding strong values helps us build trust and connection not only with others but also with ourselves.

Key Takeaways

• Values are life-changing tools that help you figure out how to make tough choices and face hard things in ways you're proud of.

• Narrowing values down to your top two makes decision-making much clearer and less confusing, also preventing decision fatigue.

• Identifying values by thinking about qualities you admire in others and qualities that frustrate you can help you narrow down your own list.

• Learning to use values to respond to conflict can help you solve problems and build trust, rather than gossiping or reacting in anger.

Timestamps:

00:00 Introduction to Dare to Lead & Values Work

00:14 The Importance of Defining Values

01:26 Real-Life Applications of Values

08:12 The Process of Identifying Your Values

12:01 Making Decisions Based on Values

18:06 Conclusion and Invitation to Dare to Lead

Links from today's episode:

• Dare to Lead Workshop

Connect with me:

• Connect on LinkedIn

• Connect on Facebook

• Connect on Instagram

In this episode, we're diving into a topic many leaders struggle with … truly knowing if you're doing a good job. We all have blind spots, and what we think a great leader is — someone who has all the answers and never makes mistakes. These are common myths we tell ourselves. The truth is, poor leadership usually happens outside of our awareness.

You'll hear how self-awareness is essential for great leadership. That means having the courage to genuinely ask for feedback from your team, family, and community. We also discuss the fear of looking stupid or incompetent, and how that shame can lead us to react defensively.

Finally, I discuss how the skills taught in the Dare to Lead framework — like getting comfortable with being uncomfortable, managing shame, and using conflict to build trust — can be game-changers for your leadership .

The good news is that as a leader, no one expects you to be perfect; you only have to be willing to work on any problem spots. Knowing is always better than not knowing, because you can't change what you don't acknowledge.

Join me to learn the skills you need to show up as the brave, authentic leader your team and family need.

Key Takeaways

• Poor leadership often stems from a lack of awareness of how you're impacting others and the organization. To be a great leader, you need to proactively cultivate self-awareness.

• Great leaders are willing not only to receive feedback but to ask for it directly from others, and truly listen to the response.

• Everyone has problem spots, blind spots, and weak areas. Acknowledging and working on them earns respect and improves your effectiveness.

• You can only change what you acknowledge. Ignoring problems won't make them go away — it keeps things stuck and can make it worse.

• Learning to manage feelings of shame (e.g., the fear of being perceived as incompetent), you can move from an emotional, reactive state to a calm, intentional response.

• Why conflict and adversity should be viewed as opportunities to build relationships and bond with your team, acting as a "fast forward" on building trust and confidence.

Great leaders face setbacks head-on and bravely lead their teams through change without excessive drama, anxiety, or stress, and I hope this episode helps you get curious about how you can be a stronger leader.

Timestamps:

00:00 Introduction to Leadership

01:15 Identifying Good Leadership

02:39 Self-Awareness in Leadership

04:25 The Fear of Feedback

07:57 Research on Effective Leadership

10:26 The Importance of Self-Assessment

11:55 The Dare to Lead Workshop

14:11 Embracing Feedback and Building Trust

20:11 Handling Setbacks and Moving Forward

21:04 Conclusion and Workshop Invitation

Links from today's episode:

• Dare to Lead Workshop

Connect with me:

• Connect on LinkedIn

• Connect on Facebook

• Connect on Instagram