61: Why Adult Friendships are a Lost Art

The Lost Art of Gathering

I've been thinking a lot about connection lately—it was actually my New Year's resolution.

As we get older and busier, our friendships can suffer, and many of us are starting to ask, "Where are my people?"

This week's episode was inspired by my decision to throw my husband a surprise 50th birthday party (shhhh, it's next week), and the realization that many of us, myself included, have forgotten how to simply gather at home outside of kids' birthday parties.

I miss the impromptu gatherings when, as a kid, my family would have neighbors drop in for coffee or host bridge nights. There seemed to be many reasons to get the village together.

When I dug into some of the research for this episode, I uncovered sobering statistics on our social habits and just how lonely many of us are — especially among 15-24-year-olds.

We know that it takes a village to raise a family, and I can't help but wonder whether we're placing the responsibility for an entire village on our partners' and kids' shoulders. Are we expecting our immediate families to fulfill all our needs?

Since this is something I'm focused on improving this year, I share my personal tips for making socializing a priority and for hosting simple, low-pressure gatherings. The point isn't perfection; it's simply getting together.

Discover:

• Why our brains are hardwired for belonging, and why social support is as important as work and family.

• How half of people report feeling moderate to severe loneliness, and the loneliest age group is 15-24-year-olds.

• The problem with expecting your partner and kids to fill all your social needs puts too much emphasis on just a few relationships — we were designed to need a village to thrive.

• Tips to make gatherings a priority by creating time for socializing, saying no to things you don't enjoy, and delegating tasks like housework.

• Ways to keep get-togethers simple and instead of stressing over a perfect house or elaborate menu, order takeout, ask guests to contribute, and plan ahead so you can enjoy your own party.

• Why you should take the risk and host an impromptu get-together and invite new neighbors or friends over as a low-pressure way to build community.

Timestamps:

00:00 Why Friends Matter

01:27 A Fun Surprise 50th Birthday Party Plan

03:34 Have Adults Forgotten How to Gather?

04:55 What Changed After Becoming Parents and COVID?

07:41 Loneliness Stats and Social Support

10:38 Guilt and The Need for Connection

12:00 Make Socializing a Priority

13:42 Hosting Made Simple

14:56 Plan Ahead and Ask for Help

16:43 Neighborhood Party Success Story

18:33 Take the Risk and Wrap Up

Link from today's episode:

• Get in touch for 1:1 therapy

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Related Episodes:

• 54: How Unrealistic Expectations Lead to Burnout

• 53: The Anti-Overwhelm Formula: 3 Steps for an Easier Life

• 58: Oversharing vs. True Vulnerability