Dave and Kristy Costa lost their only child Lacey to pediatric melanoma less than two years ago. In our conversation, they share what it was like to be parents in the cancer community with such a rare diagnosis, and how the framework for Lacey's treatment didn't follow typical cancer treatment, leaving them to chart their own course from the very beginning.

Dave and Kristy go deep into their reflections of carrying Lacey through her treatment, and generously share their honest and real account of what they thought, and what they felt - every step of the way. We discuss the language around childhood cancer and what words like "hope" and "miracles" feel like when you're on the flipside and your child doesn't get their "miracle" - does that mean they were less deserving? We talk about landmines and how simple tasks like making dinner or seeing a back to school display can be paralyzing, and perhaps the most profound question we've heard on this podcast to date from a bereaved parent - am I still a mother?

Every single word from Dave and Kristy is unforgettable and will leave you feeling seen, supported and stronger than before thanks to their willingness to go deep into the places we've all been, but may not have the words to describe. Dave and Kristy do it for us.

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Traversing the oncology parent landscape can be a very lonely and isolating experience. Most of our family and friends can’t relate, and explaining this place to them is exhausting and can make us feel even more removed from the lives we once knew. But if we look around the hospital waiting rooms and hallways, the little kitchenettes and playrooms, chances are pretty high that we’re surrounded by other parents who feel the exact same way. Yes, we’re exhausted, and the idea of making new friends isn’t anywhere close to what we’re here for, but it’s amazing what can happen when we make the connection with another medical parent because it turns out, we have the power to save each other.

Laura McNabb, a fellow oncology mom and I met in a radiation centre lobby while our kids were both receiving treatment, and within an instant, we bonded and lifted each other up by sharing our experience and just KNOWING the other knew what this all felt like.

Our conversation today is just like listening to two old friends talk about the places they’ve been and the memories they have, except the places are kids cancer hospitals and the memories are of ringing bells and being petrified of post treatment scans - you know, the normal stuff that only oncology parents can relate to.

So get cozy, even if you’re in one of those terrible plastic waiting room chairs (we’re so sorry you’re there, we know they suck) and listen to your two friends Sam and Laura chat about the stuff you can’t bring up at dinner parties or soccer practice. We get it, we know how you feel, and you’re never, ever alone - not when you're with us 💛

Laura's Blog https://www.fromlandtoc.com/

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The transition from parent to oncology parent is fast, it’s sudden, and within seconds we’re thrown into a landmine of medical terminology that feels like it's exploding all around us. Words we’ve never heard, let alone can pronounce, are being referenced to our child and their survival. We’re given treatment plans and chemo protocols, radiation doses, surgical procedures, an entire book of meds from the pharmacy - every word so long, with so many syllables and acronyms, and we have to know what they all mean RIGHT NOW. Sometimes there’s a social worker or a really lovely nurse who will act as your translator, but more often than not, you are in a foreign country, you don’t speak the language, and you’re fighting for your child’s life.

And that’s exactly what happened to Audrey when her 16month old son Levi was diagnosed with an ependymoma. She was suddenly immersed in this new language - a language that is terrifying and heavy and full of questions. SO many questions. And so like all of us, Audrey looked to her doctors to translate, to explain and to educate her on all the different outcomes her son could face - Audrey deserved to know all the words, even the hardest and most painful ones a human being can hear- words like, end of life. Audrey deserved to have these words spoken to her, especially before they had already begun.

Audrey knows her story centres on a rare side effect called radiation necrosis, and she knows what happened to Levi is uncommon, but she also knows that’s why their story needs to be told.

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