Today I’m talking with Eric Daddario, who travels to high schools to show students how they can immediately change the course of their own lives and the lives of others. His experience lies in watching his brother die of a drug overdose, which is when he realizes the importance of making positive choices. Eric’s program shows youth how their decisions can impact long-term consequences in their lives.

Speak Up When You Need Help

Eric’s message is to speak up when you or someone you know is in trouble from alcohol or drug abuse, sexual abuse, or they are suffering from mental illness. His brother struggled when they were teens, and even though they were in the same peer group, Eric didn’t go down the path of addiction while his brother did. Eric believes his brother made that choice because of his low self-esteem.

Struggling Through Social Anxiety on His Own

Eric’s brother struggled with social anxiety due to a physical appearance issue which his brother believed others were judging him for. Although he had plastic surgery to change his physical appearance, his brother still believed others were looking at him. Instead of reaching out to their parents for help, his brother turned to drink, believing it would calm his nerves. Next, he tried escaping with oxycontin, other prescription drugs, then cannabis and heroin. 

Eric decided to align his decisions with the success of becoming a professional hockey player. So although they were both exposed to drugs, Eric decided not to do drugs or abuse alcohol because it didn’t align with his goal to be a pro athlete. Of their group of 14 friends, only two of them stayed clean and sober into adulthood - many of them are dead or are still hooked on drugs and alcohol.

Your Inner Voice

He talks about your inner voice and how some people brush off the warning they are given by their intuition that their actions are negatively affecting their life. Eric knew that addiction ran through his family on both sides of his family, so he decided early on that he didn’t want to go down that path. In addition, training for his sports gave him the drive and focus to lead a healthy lifestyle to achieve his goals.

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Today I’m talking with Jarie Bolander, an author and entrepreneur whose experience runs from semiconductors to life sciences to nonprofits. He runs his own podcast, “Entrepreneur Ethos,” named after his latest book of the same title. Jarie  works to help clients convert concepts to strategies, but for today’s episode, he’s here to speak loud about what he calls “manly grief” and the process of grief for men in our society. 

Caring for a Terminal Spouse

Jarie first encountered an issue with grieving as a man when his then wife, Jane, died of leukemia in 2017. He recounts the two of them trying to prepare in case of her death but that it’s impossible to prepare for something like that. After her death, Jarie felt afraid and confused, and turned to substances to try and fill the void. 

While grieving, Jarie felt alone and like there weren’t many people who were able to support him the way he needed—even he didn’t know what he needed. He joined support groups for widows and widowers but found that the majority were women and that their experiences didn’t always overlap. Trying to deal with grief as a man in this society made Jarie realize that there was a gap for support for widowers and grieving men. 

Grieving the ‘Manly Way’

Jarie found that expressing his grief and sorrow was liberating, and began to think about how to help others, especially men who went through similar experiences. The idea of “manly grief” came from his wondering of how to deal with grief in a ‘manly way.’ He wrote a memoir about his story with Jane, mainly of caring for a terminal spouse and how to help other men who are grieving. Jarie saw a lack of resources from a male perspective and decided  to fill the gap himself. 

As an entrepreneur, Jarie has to see himself in what he wants to be—which is how his book came along. He thought that Jane would want him to write a book so others didn’t feel so alone if or when they went through something similar. The book includes personal accounts of what helped him during his grieving process and focuses on the caregiving spouse. 

Normalizing Stories of Grief

Jarie realized that the more he talks about his grief, the less scary it became. His challenge for listeners is to share their story, too: “I think we need to have these conversations and be thoughtful and compassionate with each other.” Cliche as it is, he says that whatever story you have, it’s important and needs to be told. Somewhere out there will be someone who needs it, too. By talking about your experiences and difficulties, Jarie believes that it normalizes and lessens the shame and sorrow around trauma. 

Listen in to learn more about what modalities Jarie has used in his healing process, what was the most helpful for him when he was grieving, and 

Resources Mentioned

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Connect with Jarie on his website

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Today I’m talking with Becca Ferguson, a licensed professional counselor in trauma recovery and an online course creator who brings her love for storytelling and teaching everywhere she goes. Her advice comes from years of both personal and professional experience and her main goal in her work is to make sure people know that they aren’t alone. Today, she’s here to speak loud for people who don’t know what they need—or are afraid to ask for themselves. 

Seizing Your Autonomy

Becca shares that something she’s learned both as a therapist and a client is that after experiencing trauma, there’s a struggle in knowing how much to tell. One of the reasons why she became a therapist was because of her upbringing. She grew up in a conservative Christian home, where she didn’t have a lot of autonomy, and experienced abuse and the guilt and shame that came with it. 

It wasn’t until last year when Becca was seeing her own therapist that she realized that she had PTSD. She was abused in the church, had over-controlling parents and grew up with little to no autonomy. Since then, a lot of her story has come from accepting diagnosis and learning how to grow through it.

Getting Real with Clients

Becca’s own experiences influence how she approaches her career and her clients. While other therapists don’t believe in the power of self-disclosure, she prefers to be real and vulnerable by providing examples of what she’s talking to her clients about. She feels that this lets her clients connect with her as they can see that she knows what she’s talking about, and also aids in her own healing, as she’s able to process her own traumas in a validating way. 

“Mental health doesn’t make sense,” Becca says, which is why she takes a unique approach to every client she has. She works primarily with young adult females, who are often in similar experiences to what she went through. Becca loves relating to her clients, and being a therapist has been a healing experience for herself, as well. 

Values-Based Healing

Along with therapy, Becca is embarking on a virtual coaching adventure, and is launching her first virtual coaching group in June. Her goal is to focus on a different topic in each course and over five weeks connect with and educate women on that topic in small groups. The coaching groups will also use a workbook, another passion of Becca’s that she’s discovered, so that clients will have tangible tools to take back to their own therapists. 

In all her work, Becca wants to create a place where women feel empowered to discover and go after what they need to live their best lives. She works to make her own services as accessible as possible, keeping costs low and classes small. “It’s less about the experience that we went through,” Becca says, “and it’s more about why we’re healing from it.” Her values-based approach is what sets her apart as both a therapist and a speaker. 

Listen in to learn more about how Becca brings light and humor to her experiences, what modalities she uses for healing in her own life, and to receive a discount for her online courses only for podcast listeners.

Resources Mentioned

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Find Becca’s resources on her website

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