Pillow Talks Podcast By Vanessa & Xander Marin | QCODE cover art

Pillow Talks

Pillow Talks

By: Vanessa & Xander Marin | QCODE
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Meet Vanessa and Xander Marin, your new BFF couple friends! She’s a sex therapist with 20 years of experience and he’s a regular dude. Together they’re the shockingly open, slightly nerdy, and seriously funny couple you want to grab sushi with. They share the ups and downs in their relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours. Subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally do-able sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors, and so much more. It’s the sex education you WISH you’d had!2024 Hygiene & Healthy Living
Episodes
  • E222: The AI Girlfriend: How to Protect Your Relationship from Artificial Intimacy

    E222: The AI Girlfriend: How to Protect Your Relationship from Artificial Intimacy
    Aug 21 2025
    Imagine this: your partner sits you down and says they want to open your marriage… Not for a real-life person. But for their AI companion. Sounds like a Black Mirror episode, right? But it’s real. In today’s episode, we’re diving into the wild, complicated, and very real intersection of AI and relationships. From romantic connections with chatbots to emotional venting with AI companions, technology is evolving faster than most of us are prepared for. And it’s already showing up in our love lives in some unexpected (and sometimes unsettling) ways. Whether you’re curious, skeptical, or straight-up concerned, this is a conversation every couple needs to have. Here’s what we’re getting into: The Reddit story that left us both speechless (yes, he wants a throuple with his AI girlfriend 😳) Why saying “I don’t use AI” isn’t a real boundary anymore The emotional intimacy trap: how AI companions are starting to meet very human needs Why venting to AI can quietly erode real-life connection The most important questions to ask your partner now about tech, boundaries, and connection How to use AI intentionally to strengthen your relationship (not threaten it) Real-life examples of how AI can either divide or deepen your bond 🔗 Links + Resources How to Safeguard Your Relationship From AI We made you a free guide to help you have the talk about AI and your relationship. Download it here now 👉🏻 https://free.vmtherapy.com/ai 💬 Want even more support? Inside Deeper, our monthly membership, you get access to: Vanessa AI: a relationship-focused tool that’s trained NOT to cross boundaries Our entire library of core courses + guides on intimacy, sex, and relationships Monthly coaching calls with us and two date night ideas every month (one cute, one spicy 😉) 💛 Learn more at vmtherapy.com/deeper 🎧 Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ **https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander** 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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    1 hr and 10 mins
  • E221: How to Explore Your Kinks Without Shame (Cuckolding, Pegging, Breeding, and more)

    E221: How to Explore Your Kinks Without Shame (Cuckolding, Pegging, Breeding, and more)
    Aug 14 2025
    Ever wondered why you have a certain kink? Or if it’s OK to fantasize about someone else during sex? Or maybe you’ve been curious about cuckolding, breeding kinks, or pegging… but didn’t know who to ask. Well some of you asked us! And today, we’re answering your questions about kinks and fantasies. From the psychology of desire to navigating mismatches with your partner, we’re tackling the wild, the vulnerable, and the deeply human side of sexual exploration (as always, with zero shame and plenty of insight). Whether you’re curious, cautious, or kinky AF, this episode is packed with permission, perspective, and practical advice. Let’s get into it. 💛 Here’s what we’re covering: - Why we have kinks (and why you don’t need a “reason” to justify them) - The most common sexual fantasies and what they really mean - The difference between a fantasy and a desire (and how to safely explore both) - Can you fantasize about someone else during sex with your partner? - What to do when your fantasy doesn’t match your partner’s - How to explore pegging, role reversal, and butt stuff (without shame) - The sex club fantasy (that’s not about group sex) - Navigating gender play, lingerie, and makeup with confidence 🔗 Links & Resources - Episode 53: How To Spice It Up In The Bedroom: Exploring Kink For Beginners 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/episode53 - Justin Lehmiller’s Tell Me What You Want (Science of Sexual Fantasies) 👉🏻 https://sexualhealthalliance.com/justin-lehmiller-science-of-fantasy - Episode 213: What Do Men REALLY Think About…? Part 3 (Doggy Style, Aging, Leg Hair & More!) 👉🏻https://vmtherapy.com/episode213 ❤️ Ready to go deeper? Your questions deserve more than just a quick answer. Inside our monthly membership Deeper, we help you actually take the next step — with expert-designed tools, guided content, live sessions with us, and unlimited access to Vanessa AI (your 24/7 virtual sex and relationship coach). 🎉 Podcast listeners get 25% off your first month! Use the code PILLOW at checkout right here 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/deeper ✅ Stay Connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ **https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander** 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! Timestamps 00:00 – Why we have kinks 08:27 – 7 most common fantasies 11:25 – Difference between kinks and fantasy 19:03 – Cuckolding 25:30 – Fantasizing about other people during secs 30:15 – Breeding kink 32:32 – Sex club with spouse 39:15 – MMF threesome vs. MFF 43:46 – Male anal play & pegging Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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    1 hr and 9 mins
  • E220: A Partner’s Guide To The Female Orgasm

    E220: A Partner’s Guide To The Female Orgasm
    Aug 7 2025
    The female orgasm: we’ve talked about it a lot over the years, but it never stops being one of the most requested, most misunderstood, and most fascinating topics we cover. In this episode, we’re flipping the script and looking at orgasm through a partner’s eyes. What does it mean to be supportive? How can you tell if she’s actually orgasming? And why is it so inconsistent? We’re answering your most Googled questions, plus the ones you’ve been too embarrassed to type into a search bar. Here’s what we’re getting into: Why women fake orgasms (and what to do about it) What to say if your partner has never had one before How to know if she’s really having an orgasm The truth about female performance anxiety Which positions are best for helping her O How to help her experience multiple orgasms G-spot orgasms and squirting: can you make them happen? What to do while she’s orgasming (hint: don’t freeze!) How to make it last longer + aftercare 🎓 Check out Finishing School™ 💦 And if you haven’t heard, we’re also celebrating the 10-year anniversary of Finishing School! It’s our proven, step-by-step course that helps women finally experience reliable, pleasurable orgasms. Whether you’ve never had one or you want to deepen your pleasure even more, this course will meet you exactly where you are. Here’s what’s inside: A full, technique-driven curriculum to teach you how to have as many orgasms as you want, whenever you want The Pleasure Bundle: Ultimate Foreplay Guides + Ultimate Sex Guide 3 months unlimited access to Vanessa AI 2 LIVE Support Track Coaching Calls with us! Lifetime access to go at your own pace And a 30-day, pleasure-guaranteed, money-back promise 💛 It’s personal for me (Vanessa). I struggled with orgasm for years (even as a sex therapist) and this course is everything I wish I’d had. 👉🏻 Go to https://vmtherapy.com/orgasm to discover just how good it can get. 👉🏻 Access The Truth About Female Orgasm Replay https://free.vmtherapy.com/truth 🎧 Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ **https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander** 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! ⏰ Timestamps: 00:00 – Intro 04:00 – Why do women fake it? 12:50 – How to be a supportive partner 25:38 – Can I tell if she's orgasming? 26:25 – Do some women not need to finish? 31:45 – Can women have performance anxiety about orgasms? 33:06 – Best positions for female pleasure 38:27 – Why are female orgasms inconsistent? 42:56 – How do I get my wife to have more than one 0? 46:42 – G-spot orgasms and squirting 47:58 – What am I supposed to do while she’s coming? 49:33 – How to make your partner’s 0 last longer Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
    Show more Show less
    59 mins
All stars
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Thank you guys! I love how easy they make it to understand, how fun and the easy tips they give! Can’t wait to keep listening to the podcast

Amazing !

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Vanessa and Xander are the best! I was skeptical at first, I'll admit. Their Instagram content first drew me in and I started watching their stories daily, then the podcast next! Even when the topic seems unrelatable I ALWAYS find something to take away from it!

Once I was hooked I bought the sex position playbook for my husband for our anniversary and I could just cry! My entire life I thought intercourse just wasn't for me (15 years!) and I was SO wrong. The playbook gave us the easiest tips to use to make intercourse 🔥🔥! On our 7th wedding anniversary we 🎆🎆 simultaneously for the first time ever and me during intercourse for the first time ever! I always thought something was wrong with me, until I found these two! I can't even put into words how grateful I am (my husband too!)

If you are on the fence, dive right on in and don't look back! These two are the real deal!

No words, changed my life!

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They are relatable and give practical and fun advice that helps me to view my relationship and my partner of over 30 years in new ways. Thank you!

My favorite podcast out there

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I love these 2. Listening to their different perspectives has helped me see a way to better communicate with my spouse in and out of the bedroom. My spouse started listening to the podcast after I recommended a few certain topics, he is also hooked. We both just finished the book and want to go back through the parts that stood out the most, like the yes, no, maybe list. HIGHLY RECOMMEND!

great content, fun listen

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Vanessa and Xander are delightfully forthright and charming about sex and relationships. Worth listening to!

My new favorite!

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All couples can get something from Vanessa & Xander. They are so very easy to listen to & very relatable. I’ve been in my current relationship for almost 25 years & my husband & I are both listening to this. Actually he is very proactive & found this for us. While we have a good relationship we have both learned a lot & this podcast has really helped us be more open with conversations and the conversations led to an improved relationship overall not just in the bedroom. We all know how important our sex lives are in relationships, but they can become just kinda blah as the years go by. The conversations these podcasts helped us have definitely helped the relationship as a whole. I would suggest listening to this even if you think things are going perfectly fine. I think everyone will walk away thinking more about if that is actually true and even if it is true & things are going great. Things can always be better. Give them a listen. You won’t regret it especially if you’re wanting your relationship to last forever & like the idea of getting back to the honeymoon phase. Good Luck!!

Great Stuff

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Real life issues in relationship, sometimes things no one wants to talk about. And also ways to spice up you love life.

Awesome!?

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