If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes  By  cover art

If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes

By: If You're Driving Close Your Eyes
  • Summary

  • Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed. Get bonus content on Patreon

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes 2022
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Episodes
  • The Shameful Crunching Bird
    May 24 2024

    Teetering on the edge of oblivion, four friends (three regular and one frog) embark on a sacred journey of personal discovery. During their travels, the group discusses many topics of importance, including why Jon Bon Jovi cheated on his wife, what the white lady from TikTok is up to these days, the various slogans of Outback Steakhouse, which birds are/aren't birds, and demonstrably, somehow even more.


    Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed.


    Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://bsky.app/profile/jordo.bsky.social) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).


    Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

    Get bonus content on Patreon

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    Show more Show less
    59 mins
  • Dwyane Wade’s Woke Cube
    May 17 2024

    It's John. It's Niki. It's LB. It's all three of them, and they're here, being as smart and drunk as ever, talking about the things YOU care about most, including a brand-new legal system for punishments, the hairy teeter, the history of Atlantis, the long-awaited return of Scam Text Theater, notes for John's acting skills, tall buildings, and somehow even more.


    Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed.


    Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).


    Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

    Get bonus content on Patreon

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    Show more Show less
    1 hr and 8 mins
  • The Artist’s Dilemma
    May 10 2024

    In what is perhaps our most cracked episode to date, LB, Niki and John struggle to overcome a well of extreme negative energy by playing jenga, inventing new uses for numbers stations, selling phone numbers for more ketamine, re-learning Flonase, answering a telemarketer call live on the podcast, and against all odds, somehow even more.


    Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed.


    Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).


    Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

    Get bonus content on Patreon

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    Show more Show less
    1 hr and 13 mins

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