Episodes

  • Shadows of the Empire Ch. 36 - 40

    Shadows of the Empire Ch. 36 - 40
    Jun 19 2024
    In the final chapters of this saga, a book that started off at a jewelry-making retreat before taking a hard left into sexual assault finally resolves in full-out slapstick comedy. Our heroes trek through a sewer and douse themselves in literal shit. Chewie, bless his heart, goes sprawling in the middle of an ambush following a Looney Tunes-style slip n' slide. And best of all: everyone's favorite droid odd couple pilot the f**king Millennium Falcon. Is this a massive cover-up for the fact that the gang essentially pulls off a Coruscant-based 9/11? (Yes.) Meanwhile, Darth Vader has the kind of phenomenal day that comes around once a century: where your one-liners land every time and your boss finally recognizes all that overtime you've been putting in.

    Now....who could use a strong dose of Mara Jade?
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    1 hr and 6 mins
  • Shadows of the Empire Ch. 30-35

    Shadows of the Empire Ch. 30-35
    Jun 12 2024
    We're back, baby! What's going on again? Ah, yes: Xizor's recovering from getting kicked in the balls by eating some rare and exotic fruit. No sooner do Luke and Lando park the Falcon in Coruscant’s famed frozen shrimps district than they are joined somewhat inexplicably by Dash Rendar. Leia brushes off her old gymnastics routine. Vader painstakingly assembles a PowerPoint (whyxizorsucks.final.FINAL.pptx) for the Emperor. And we are cruelly cheated of the Lando Calrissian shopping montage we both need and deserve.
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    1 hr and 8 mins
  • A Quick Break and New Book Announcement (don't worry, we'll be back with more Shadows soon)

    A Quick Break and New Book Announcement (don't worry, we'll be back with more Shadows soon)
    May 29 2024
    Hey, all! We'll be back from an unanticipated break with the last two episodes of Shadows soon. But we wanted to let you know that our patrons have selected our next book: we'll be diving into Michael A. Stackpole's Rogue Squadron, the first X-Wing novel (as soon as we wrap things up with Xizor and co., that is). If you want to read along, you'll have a few few weeks to track down a copy from your bookseller or library of choice.

    As always, if you'd like a voice in future book selections, head on over to our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/DelusionsofGrandeurPod

    For $7/month, you'll get new episodes early, have a vote on future books, and have access to our ongoing group chats for each book.
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    3 mins
  • Shadows of the Empire Ch. 25-29

    Shadows of the Empire Ch. 25-29
    May 22 2024
    We know some of our listeners are reading along with your kids, so a content warning: these chapters includes discussion of an extended sexual assault scene that’s probably not appropriate for younger listeners (and maybe not a choice for all adults, either).

    Before we dive in, Kelly reports back from the 25th anniversary screening of The Phantom Menace (spoiler alert: it’s still not great, but we forgot all about Darth Maul’s sick Lime scooter and the guy that yells about sports).

    
Leia finally comes face-to-face with Xizor and initially likes what she sees before realizing something is very, very wrong. Luke and Lando take an extended road trip in the Falcon. Artoo and Threepio finally get a chance to catch up. Chewie and his terrible haircut escape Black Sun. And Vader feels sure he can avoid the pitfalls of the Dark Side (he’s just built different, duh).
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    1 hr and 7 mins
  • Shadows of the Empire Ch. 20-24

    Shadows of the Empire Ch. 20-24
    May 15 2024
    Did something finally happen in these chapters or do Kelly and Emily just have space Stockholm syndrome?? The action is finally picking up: Xizor contemplates creating some deepfake nudes of Leia and then trims his bonsai (not a metaphor). Vader gets real mad his boss sent him to pick up his son from jail. Threepio commits a felony with a cheerful wink. Guri shows off her pottery skills. Leia hits the strip mall on Coruscant before her business meeting with Xizor. Some (perhaps many) more Bothans die to bring us this information. And just as on Myrkr, Luke truly thrives in captivity.

    Also - if you went to watch the prequels on the big screen, tell us all about it!
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    1 hr and 4 mins
  • Shadows of the Empire Ch. 15-19

    Shadows of the Empire Ch. 15-19
    May 8 2024
    Vader and Xizor ratchet up their game of mutual spying and lying. Leia waits around a casino until Guri’s busy schedule of murdering unruly Black Sun associates clears up. Luke and Dash intercept a message from a Bothan spy who may or may not be just a human guy (?) and end up hijacking a load of literal bullshit. And we are left asking what a Twi’lek dye job might entail.
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    54 mins
  • Shadows of the Empire Ch. 10-14

    Shadows of the Empire Ch. 10-14
    May 1 2024
    Some things happen in these chapters! Vader stares down a midlife crisis, wondering why being an all-powerful middle manager is not sparking more joy. Xizor and Vader engage in a battle of wits both IRL and over Zoom. Our hosts wonder if schemes are indeed like plants. We find out the basis of the Emperor and Xizor’s friendship (competing over weird rich guy shit and murdering skilled tradespeople). Lando uses the power of spreadsheets and charisma to advance the plot and win a ton of credits. Luke is exiled on Tatooine and manages to build a lightsaber that doesn’t explode with all his free time. And Dash Rendar may be able to fly, but he can’t outrun his own cringe.

    And as always, we want to hear from you! Drop us a line over at the Han Mail, or come find us in the "book of the month club" chat over at Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/DelusionsofGrandeurPod
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    1 hr
  • Shadows of the Empire Ch. 5-9

    Shadows of the Empire Ch. 5-9
    Apr 24 2024
    We start off with some very important Han Mail as we defend the honor of a woman who definitely did NOT write us a nuanced and thorough review on Audible. And after a digression into the net worth of two of literature's greatest manic pixie dream bosses (Talon Karrde and Mr. Darcy), we dive into Shadows again. We get some insight into our villains as they both take some time for self care: Vader spends the day in the med spa getting incandescently angry at Obi-Wan and his own lungs, and Xizor grabs a spontaneous dinner after his sex/murder droid dumps his mistress. Meanwhile, the gang heads off to try and steal Han back from Boba Fett before he can get to Tatooine. Wedge Antilles does all the work and pays his taxes on time while Han Solo stand-in Dash Rendar does all of the quips. A Mara Jade knock-off tries and fails to kill Luke. And we are left asking for justice for Lando, who is *clearly* the best home cook in the EU.
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    1 hr and 15 mins