• Citizen Kane

  • Feb 26 2023
  • Length: 2 hrs and 5 mins
  • Podcast
  • Summary

  • This movie is about a rich guy who's doing it all wrong. Some people just can't handle holding material authority over nearly everyone in their lives. If I was a rich guy, I'd do it right. I would be a COOL rich guy. No one would ever feel uncomfortable around me; they would always know it's OK to say "no" to me; they would never have cause to think about how much power I have to determine the conditions under which they live. Here is my plan: use all of my personal wealth to build a public access party castle, sequester myself in the highest spire, and allow my body to mummify as I wait for everyone to forget I exist. Eventually people will come to believe that the inexhaustible canape towers, the chocolate fountains that never run dry, the terraced and frothing bathnasiums (separated into horny and non-horny sections) are just the facilities of a really really cool public park. You might say this doesn't solve my own isolation and misery, as the hypothetical rich guy wielding all this relationship-disintegrating power. I would respond that in the long term, it does - eventually, after decades of solitude in my pleasure prison, I would crawl into my sarcophagus and, peacefully, expire. Never Relevant is the Citizen Kane of podcasts. You should listen to each episode while you watch the movie or show it's about, but you don't have to. It is hosted by Patrick, John, and Joshua.

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