A Slut’s Guide To Happiness  By  cover art

A Slut’s Guide To Happiness

By: Vanessa Cliff
  • Summary

  • Life presents enough challenges, from inevitable death and illness to man-made strife like poverty, inequality, and war. In the face of human suffering, sexuality is an incredible outlet for joy, healing, pleasure and connection. Yet, social norms make accessing this simple joy harder than it needs to be. In this podcast, we unpack junk narratives about which bodies, identities, relationship styles, or sexual activities are considered acceptable and reclaim the power of sexual freedom. Recent decades have brought meaningful progress in some areas of gender and sexuality, like greater acceptance of LGBTQ people in the institution of marriage and the workplace, and access to contraception that allows women more sexual freedom. Nonetheless, dominant cultural norms still perpetuate narrow ideas about who is desirable or worthy of love and what sexual practices are appropriate. Often, these subtle, pernicious ideas operate quietly beneath the surface and show up in our hearts as shame, isolation or fear. How do we break free? How do we learn to be and love our whole authentic selves, to find the joy and pleasure in authenticity? How do we release the fear that who we are, how we love or what we desire is a problem? What do happiness and connection look like for people who don’t conform to idealized standards? How do we claim the power of sexual freedom for people who have a differently sized body, differently functioning brain, or different levels of mobility; people who work in the sex industry; or people who are slutty, kinky, old, Black or brown, transgender, or polyamorous? Cliff Media is a porn production company that invites people of all walks of life to share in the exciting, scary experiment of co-creating sex-positive spaces beyond fear and shame. We encourage all good-hearted people to participate, as long as they provide STI results, sign release forms, and show up with kindness, humility and a desire to grow. Together, we produce scenes that explore themes of loving community, healthy non-monogamy, joyful kink, and empowered female and queer sexuality. Porn is often derided as gratuitous indulgence in big boobs, hard dicks and offensive stereotypes. But if we set aside the way porn has been used by many mainstream companies and consider the medium itself, it’s actually an awesome opportunity. It’s perhaps the most widely viewed, intimate and uncensored medium, allowing creators to explore topics that go deep into our psyche, including: Shame and acceptance of our bodies and identities Diversity in romantic and sexual relationships Sexual health and ethics Sexual deviance, desire and kink Fear of rejection, judgment or loss Trauma and healing Joy, humor, kindness, and care, and The innate human longing for affection and belonging. In this companion podcast, we dive deep into the topics that underlie our production work. Our host Vanessa Cliff, CEO of Cliff Media, talks with pornstars, participants in Cliff Media shoots, and other sex-positive community leaders. Join us in the joy of being awkwardly human, naked and without pretence. Let’s get free.
    Copyright 2024 Vanessa Cliff
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Episodes
  • Couples Transitioning from Monogamy to Polyamory - with Adrian Martin
    Jun 19 2024

    For many people, polyamory offers a host of benefits, like sexual and emotional freedom, deep connections with multiple people, and an abundance of love. However, it’s not without challenges, like balancing time between partners and managing jealousy and expectations.

    The transition from monogamy to polyamory can be rocky for people new to an idea that isn’t often represented in media and societal expectations. Adrian describes their first transition into open relationships, including their initial struggle with self-doubt and shame. Eventually, they found other polyamorous partners and developed self-acceptance around their relationship desires. They also continued learning through the experience of dating a previously monogamous partner and exploring polyamory for the first time.


    Today, Adrian leads a discussion and support group on health polyamory. Through this group, they have seen many couples new to polyamory studying and discussing how to enter this world. They share patterns they have observed and recommendations on how to best shed the “monogamy hangover” to enter into sustainable and positive non-monogamy.



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    48 mins
  • Negotiation and Boundaries in BDSM and Porn - with Hazel Havoc
    Jun 12 2024

    When filming porn or exploring kink, like impact play, bondage, or humiliation, consent becomes more complex and nuanced than off-camera or vanilla sex. Hazel Havoc, a long-time pro-domme, pornstar and personal life kinkster, explains methods to ensure that all participants are experiencing BDSM and porn in a way that is positive and desirable.

    Hazel uses a variety of communication strategies to prepare for scenes that range in their depth and formality depending on the circumstances. She shares the little card she keeps in her wallet to remind her of the categories of questions to check in about before play. She also describes the longer questionnaire she uses with more professional, complex scenes. Even with ample preparation, not every situation works for all participants; safe words, repair and aftercare are also important components of positive sex.


    These approaches may be most useful for people engaging in BDSM play, or producing or starring in porn. However, the ethos of extensive conversation before, during and after play can also apply to less kinky sexual play and vanilla romantic partnerships, wherein negotiation deepens connection and trust.



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    47 mins
  • Eroticizing Trauma, Fear and Jealousy
    Jun 5 2024

    Please note that this episode includes discussion of rape and sexual assault.

    Everyone processes relationship jealousy and traumatic experiences, like sexual assault, differently. Some people find that avoiding situations that cause jealousy and avoiding situations that remind them of their past experiences of assault help them remain emotionally healthy.


    While these strategies are useful for many, Vanessa shares a different, potentially unconventional approach she uses to release trauma, fear and jealousy. Rather than avoiding the jealousy-provoking or triggering experiences, she leans into them, exposing herself to them in intimate settings, asking her partners for help eroticizing them through kink and sexual play.


    Hearing intense details about the sexual activities of her partners and roleplaying with consensual non-consent (CNC) have allowed Vanessa to overcome years of struggle with these feelings. She offers recommendations for how this approach may be helpful for people exploring options to overcome fears like relationship abandonment and assault.



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    24 mins

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