The teenage years are a turbulent time defined by a need to test boundaries and establish an identity. And this can get pretty messy at times. Most parents of teenagers will know that they can often become snarky, mean, or even hostile. But sometimes it can be difficult to tell whether their behavior is normal, and when there should be cause for concern. Today on the show, we talk about the many ways that teenagers can be mean, the myriad of reasons behind this behavior, and how to deal with these situations as a parent. We discuss the importance of standing up for yourself, how your actions (and reactions) model behavior for your child, and how to de-escalate a tense situation and return to it when at a more neutral time. Our conversation also covers how you might be hurt by your child’s words and actions, the importance of being vulnerable with adolescents, and how to teach your child that apologizing does not absolve them of consequences. Today’s episode is filled with helpful insights on a complicated subject, and there is no shortage of funny anecdotes and heartfelt reminders that you are not alone in this!

Key Points From This Episode:

• [0:01:17] The question we’re exploring today: Why are teenagers mean to their parents?
• [0:02:09] How teenagers are wired to test their boundaries and why this can result in mean behavior.
• [0:03:49] The trial and error that happens during adolescence.
• [0:05:22] Some of the ways that teenagers act out when their basic needs aren’t being met.
• [0:06:36] Recognizing when teenagers are mean due to other external factors in their life.
• [0:08:43] Why parents can take comfort in the fact that teenagers acting out around them is a sign that they feel safe with you.
• [0:09:55] Standing up for yourself and setting a good example for your child.
• [0:13:39] How to recognize when your child may need intervention for their behavior.
• [0:15:20] Learning how to de-escalate situations and conversations with your teenager.
• [0:18:52] Advice on the steps you should take when you need to intervene with your child’s behavior.
• [0:20:55] How to step out from an upsetting conversation and return to it at a neutral time.
• [0:22:13] The value of using non-violent communication.
• [0:23:09] What it means for adults to be vulnerable with young people.
• [0:24:51] Teaching your child that apologizing does not absolve them of consequences.

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:

Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You

Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You on Instagram