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The Likeability Trap

How to Break Free and Succeed as You Are
Narrated by: Alicia Menendez
Length: 6 hrs and 47 mins
Categories: Business, Leadership
4.5 out of 5 stars (58 ratings)

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Publisher's Summary

Be nice, but not too nice. Be successful, but not too successful. Just be likeable. Whatever that means?

Women are stuck in an impossible bind. At work, strong women are criticized for being cold, and warm women are seen as pushovers. An award-winning journalist examines this fundamental paradox and empowers listeners to let go of old rules and reimagine leadership rather than reinventing themselves.

Consider that even competent women must appear likeable to successfully negotiate a salary, ask for a promotion, or take credit for a job well done - and that studies show these actions usually make them less likeable. And this minefield is doubly loaded when likeability intersects with race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, and parental status.

Relying on extensive research and interviews, and carefully examined personal experience, The Likeability Trap delivers an essential examination of the pressure put on women to be amiable at work, home, and in the public sphere, and explores the price women pay for internalizing those demands. Rather than advising listeners to make themselves likeable, Menendez empowers them to examine how they perceive themselves and others and explores how the concept of likeability is riddled with cultural biases. Our demands for likeability, she argues, hinder everyone’s progress and power.

Inspiring, thoughtful, and often funny, The Likeability Trap proposes surprising, practical solutions for confronting the cultural patterns holding us back, encourages us to value unique talents and styles instead of muting them, and to remember that while likeability is part of the game, it will not break you.

©2019 Alicia Menendez (P)2019 HarperAudio

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Not for me

I’ll preface this by stating that I’m a woman of color. So I’m used to walking into any situation aware that most people won’t like me. I was interested in this book because I was expecting to get more tools but instead it was more explaining what the Likeability trap is. The book seems more for an audience of white males or females to teach them what it is vs how to help women get past this trap. I thought the performance of the audiobook was good but I didn’t receive any new information to help me grow which is what I was looking for in this book.

2 people found this helpful

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Must read for the younger generation

We women need to be accomplished at our skill. Then the sky’s the limit. If you own your own business then this book is not for you

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incredibly eye-opening

Alicia captures the complexity of success for women and balancing Likeability with perceived competency perfectly. I found this extremely eye-opening and I learned a lot. I recommend of everyone to read.

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Ask the question Compared to Who?

It's a collection of stories of discrimination against women, both overt and subtle. I suggest starting with Chapter 10, actions that can be taken by organizations and individuals to reduce discrimination. It helps reveal the bias we all have against women because of expectations that women be helpful and supportive (not driven and successful). A good advice from the book is instead of saying "the person is not a good fit" (which really means the person is not like me), focus on the results that she had achieved and the value she can bring to the organization/job/project. And for anyone (not just women) who had received subjective criticism like "too demanding" or "too emotional," ask the questions "compared to who" and "how has that impacted my results?" Too often, a behavior is given a pejorative label like "aggressive" for a woman, while that exact same behavior is admired in men and labeled "ambitious" and "determined."

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Informative and good advice

I just wish Chapter 10 - which had advice about how to change organizations and yourself - was longer and more fleshed out, and the rest of the book (which identified the problems in painstaking detail) could have been shorter.

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Much appreciated

Alicia Menendez is totally relatable to me. I enjoyed her voice and humor immensely. The subject of the book is something I have struggled with forever and am happy and educated about it from another and the same perspective, if that makes sense, lol. So to say I am very appreciative of the skills of Alicia is an understatement. I am looking forward to following her on her new gig on MSNBC. Kudos,