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The Gaslight Effect
- How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulation Others Use to Control Your Life
- Narrated by: Nan McNamara
- Length: 9 hrs and 34 mins
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Publisher's summary
Are You Being Gaslighted?
Check for these telltale signs:
- You constantly second-guess yourself.
- You wonder, "Am I being too sensitive?" a dozen times a day.
- You wonder frequently if you are a "good enough" girlfriend/wife/employee/friend/daughter.
- You have trouble making simple decisions.
- You think twice before bringing up innocent topics of conversation.
- You frequently make excuses for your partner's behavior to friends and family.
- Before your partner comes home from work, you run through a checklist in your head to anticipate anything you might have done wrong that day.
- You buy clothes for yourself, furnishings for your apartment, or other personal purchases thinking about what your partner would like instead of what would make you feel great.
- You actually start to enjoy the constant criticism, because you think, "What doesn't kill me will make me stronger."
- You start speaking to your husband through his secretary so you don't have to tell him things you're afraid might upset him.
- You start lying to avoid the put-downs and reality twists.
- You feel as though you can't do anything right.
- You frequently wonder if you're good enough for your lover.
- Your kids start trying to protect you from being humiliated by your partner.
- You feel hopeless and joyless.
Your husband crosses the line in his flirtations with another woman at a dinner party. When you confront him, he asks you to stop being insecure and controlling. After a long argument, you apologize for giving him a hard time.
Your boss backed you on a project when you met privately in his office, and you went full steam ahead. But at a large gathering of staff - including yours - he suddenly changes his tune and publicly criticizes your poor judgment. When you tell him your concerns for how this will affect your authority, he tells you that the project was ill-conceived and you'll have to be more careful in the future. You begin to question your competence.
Your mother belittles your clothes, your job, your friends, and your boyfriend. But instead of fighting back as your friends encourage you to do, you tell them that your mother is often right and that a mature person should be able to take a little criticism.
If you think things like this can't happen to you, think again. Gaslighting is when someone wants you to do what you know you shouldn’t and to believe the unbelieveable. It can happen to you and it probably already has.
How do we know? If you consider answering “yes” to even one of the following questions, you’ve probably been gaslighted:
Does your opinion of yourself change according to approval or disapproval from your spouse?
When your boss praises you, do you feel as if you could conquer the world?
Do you dread having small things go wrong at home — buying the wrong brand of toothpaste, not having dinner ready on time, a mistaken appointment written on the calendar?
Gaslighting is an insidious form of emotional abuse and manipulation that is difficult to recognize and even harder to break free from. That’s because it plays into one of our worst fears — of being abandoned — and many of our deepest needs: to be understood, appreciated, and loved. In this groundbreaking guide, the prominent therapist Dr. Robin Stern shows how the Gaslight Effect works and tells you how to turn up your Gaslight Radar, so you know when a relationship is headed for trouble.
Includes a bonus PDF of appendices from the book.
PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.
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In I Love You, but I'm Not in Love with You - a real-life relationship guide from couples' counselor Andrew G. Marshall - partners and individuals who have "fallen out of love" or want to rekindle the love that once was will learn how to use Marshall 's program with impressive results. This is a much-needed book to help men and women of all ages in any type of committed romantic relationship to truly understand love and to point out the everyday habits that undermine growing together.
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If you feel stuck in a relationship, this book is a MUST!
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Should I Stay or Should I Go?
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In this supportive and straightforward guide, Lundy Bancroft, the author of Why Does He Do That?, and communication specialist JAC Patrissi offer a way for women to practically take stock of their relationships and move forward, with or without their partners.
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Paradigm Shift
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By: Lundy Bancroft, and others
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Living with the Passive-Aggressive Man
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- Narrated by: Matthew Josdal
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Do you know one of these men? The catch-me-if-you-can lover...Phil's romantic and passionate one minute, distant and cold the next. The deviously manipulative coworker or boss...Jack denies resenting Nora's rapid rise in the company, but when they're assigned to work together on a project, he undermines her. The obstructionist, procrastinating husband...Bob keeps telling his wife he'll finish the painting job he began years ago, but he never seems to get around to it. These are all classic examples of the passive aggressive man.
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A good review of the PA type man
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Feeling Good Together
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Based on 25 years of clinical experience and new, groundbreaking research involving more than 1,000 individuals, Feeling Good Together is filled with helpful examples and tools, such as the Relationship Satisfaction Test, the Blame Cost-Benefit Analysis, the Relationship Journal, Five Secrets of Effective Communication, the Intimacy Exercise, and more. Using these techniques, Dr. Burns shows you how to resolve virtually any kind of relationship conflict almost instantly.
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Best yet for communications Skills
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Talking to Crazy
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Let's face it: We all know people who are irrational. No matter how hard you try to reason with them, it never works. So what's the solution? How do you talk to someone who's out of control? What can you do with a boss who bullies, a spouse who yells, or a friend who frequently bursts into tears? In his book Just Listen, Mark Goulston shared his best-selling formula for getting through to the resistant people in your life. Now he brings his communication magic to the most difficult group of all - the downright irrational.
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Dissapointed
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By: Mark Goulston MD
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When Good People Have Affairs
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- Narrated by: Callie Beaulieu
- Length: 6 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
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A world-renowned therapist, Mira Kirshenbaum has treated thousands of people caught in the powerful drama over what to do when an affair rocks their emotional lives. Now, in When Good People Have Affairs, Kirshenbaum puts her unsurpassed experience into one clear, calming place. She leads listeners through six easy-to-navigate steps that will take anyone from anxiety to clarity, and identifies 17 types of affairs, helping listeners figure out which type they're in and what it means.
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This book condones affairs
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By: Mira Kirshenbaum
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Joint Custody with a Jerk
- Raising a Child with an Uncooperative Ex
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- Length: 7 hrs
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It's a fact that parenting is hard enough in a family where two parents love and respect each other. After divorce, when the respect has diminished and the love has often turned to intense dislike, co-parenting can be nearly impossible, driving one or both parents to the brink of insanity. Joint Custody with a Jerk offers many proven communication techniques that help you deal with your difficult ex-husband or ex-wife.
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Victim blaming
- By Michelle Johann on 08-31-18
By: Judy Corcoran, and others
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The Breakup Bible
- The Smart Woman's Guide to Healing from a Breakup or Divorce
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Psychotherapist and breakup expert Rachel A. Sussman, LCSW, reveals the secrets every woman needs to get her life back on track. Drawing on hundreds of counseling sessions she's conducted with women at all stages of recovery, Sussman developed a proven three-phase process for healing from a breakup.
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lifesaver!
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By: Rachel Sussman
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Super You
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Superheroes don't start from glorious beginnings. Their origins are almost always marked by traumatic events that leave them helpless and scared. Batman witnessed his parents' murder. Superman was sent away from his dying planet with no one to guide him as he grew up. Orphaned Catwoman was forced to steal food to survive on the streets of Gotham. What makes these superheroes super is their determination to not be defined by helplessness. They embrace their origins, their flaws, and their mistakes and strive every day to become the best versions of themselves.
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A wonderful book filled with empathy and humanity.
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It Takes One to Tango
- How I Rescued My Marriage with (Almost) No Help from My Spouse - and How You Can, Too
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Conventional wisdom says that "it takes two" to turn a troubled marriage around and that both partners must have a shared commitment to change. So when couples can't agree on how - or whether - to make their marriage better, many give up or settle for a less-than-satisfying marriage (or think the only way out is divorce). Fortunately, there is an alternative. It Takes One to Tango is a groundbreaking guide that shows how one determined partner can spark lasting, significant change in a marriage.
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Great book!
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10 Stupid Things Couples Do To Mess Up Their Relationships
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In Ten Stupid Things Couples Do to Mess Up Their Relationships, Dr. Laura Schlessinger calls for a return to traditional courtship. Courtship allows couples and their families to get acquainted with each other over a longer period of time, and provides structure and guidelines for that important process.
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No brainer ideas that we can forget
- By Ali0531 on 07-06-15
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How to Keep People from Pushing Your Buttons
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Rational-Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), created by world-renowned therapist Dr. Albert Ellis, provides you with realistic, simple, proven techniques that will significantly reduce your stress levels and help you react effectively, whether the circumstances are professional or personal.
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Watch out for self-inflicted button pushing
- By Marcheta on 02-15-17
By: Albert Ellis Ph.D., and others
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The No Contact Rule
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You're trying to get over your ex, yet you're still in touch and have ended up being his or her backup plan. Maybe you haven't left yet, but you want to and just don't know how. Maybe you're tired of doing the lather, rinse, repeat of getting back together and winding up back at square one. It's time to cut contact. The No Contact Rule is an inspiring guide to extinguishing the temptation to stay in touch or to keep engaging, helping you to reclaim your sense of self and move on to a healthier relationship.
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I can not recomment this book highly enough!
- By Amazon Customer on 02-14-17
By: Natalie Lue
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30 Lessons for Loving
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Based on the most detailed survey of long married people ever conducted, 30 Lessons for Loving shows the way to lifelong, fulfilling relationships. The author, an internationally renowned gerontologist at Cornell University, offers sage advice from the oldest and wisest Americans on everything from finding a partner, to deciding to commit, to growing old together.
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Our Elders Really are the Experts!
- By Cher Finnan on 12-29-15
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This program is read by the author.
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He says he loves you. So...why does he do that? You've asked yourself this question again and again. Now you have the chance to see inside the minds of angry and controlling men---and to change your life. In this groundbreaking book, a counselor who specializes in working with abusive men shows you how to improve, survive, or leave an abusive relationship.
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I needed this.
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Do you know one of these men? The catch-me-if-you-can lover...Phil's romantic and passionate one minute, distant and cold the next. The deviously manipulative coworker or boss...Jack denies resenting Nora's rapid rise in the company, but when they're assigned to work together on a project, he undermines her. The obstructionist, procrastinating husband...Bob keeps telling his wife he'll finish the painting job he began years ago, but he never seems to get around to it. These are all classic examples of the passive aggressive man.
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A good review of the PA type man
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Jessica and Jake Snyder love each other, and their life together. Successful in their chosen careers, they reside in the picturesque, though at times stifling, Seattle suburb of Queens Ridge as they parent teenagers Ella and Tucker. As so often happens in marriage, their romantic life falls casualty to busy schedules and repetitive routine, until one night, a stranger asks Jessica to dance. On a whim, Jake urges her to say yes, saying that he wants to watch this other man touch her, something that surprises Jessica by arousing her like never before.
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Interesting Conversations
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Start Here: A Crash Course in Understanding, Navigating, and Healing From Narcissistic Abuse
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Confusing. Crazy making. Draining. Does this describe your relationship? Do you wonder if they will ever change? Do you want to know why they lie so much...even when the truth would work better? Have you wondered why they never seem to change - no matter how much you are willing to do for them, or how much love, understanding, rehab, religion, therapy, second (or 22nd) chances you’ve given them? If so, you are not alone and this book is a great place to start.
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The best
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Rethinking Narcissism
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In Rethinking Narcissism listeners will learn that there's far more to narcissism than its reductive invective would imply. The truth is that narcissists (all of us) fall on a spectrum somewhere between utter selflessness on the one side and arrogance and grandiosity on the other. A healthy middle exhibits a strong sense of self.
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Great info, but proceed with caution
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What listeners say about The Gaslight Effect
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- Matthew R McGee
- 11-03-18
THE ORIGINAL: STILL A GREAT PLACE TO START
'GASLIGHTING' is a common term these days. Few know what it means. This author coined the term. bIf your curious about this concept, start here.
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- Rick
- 12-31-21
Gender examples need updating
Great information. However, the book reinforces the stereotype that the male is predominantly the gaslighter and the female is the victim. This concern is briefly addressed in the beginning of the book. However, men also fall prey to this type of emotional abuse and this should be illustrated in the provided example throughout the book.
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- betania
- 03-12-22
Excellent book audio
You need a lot of courage to read this book if you are a man. Give yourself room to change and grace to relearn and undo. Great book!
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- Awesome Romanian Girl
- 01-22-20
Amazing!
It’s the most amazing book I’ve read.
Easy to understand. Easy to listen.
Keep your eyes open!
🥰
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- Victoria
- 02-14-19
Life changing
So helpful for me, and really great narrator. So often the narrator is a huge distraction, but the book and the narrator go well together.
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- To be or not to be
- 05-17-19
I prefer writers who don't politically polarize
Russian collusion & pretending not to spy while spying are also gaslighting. Politics are rough and should stay out of these kinds of books. I'm surprised she didn't balance the political climate or better yet, leave it out. I feel gaslighted. Such a wonderful opportunity to address real emotional safety to all of us in all walks of life.
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15 people found this helpful
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- Norman
- 11-26-19
Great Book!
I love that it has a lot of different examples of what gaslighting can look like! i also enjoyed the steps to turn off the gas if you find yourself being gaslighted.
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2 people found this helpful
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- Amazon Customer
- 06-01-22
Eye opener
This book has truly helped me in knowing what I really already knew about my relationship but putting it more in prospective for me and knowing that I’m not crazy. I have finally left my very toxic relationship and am no longer trying to get his approval or to get him to not think all the terrible things he says I am. I’m at peace and I feel free, like I can breath again and start loving myself like I did before this relationship. It’s not easy by any means bc I have 2 beautiful little girls with him but I know how I was before, loving, funny, outgoing and not scared to speak to people in fear that I’m being accused of flirting or the other flirting and being torn down over a simple hi. I deserve so much more than what I let into my life and I have so much to give. I really really needed this book on so many levels and will probably listen again just to remind myself!
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- anna yurgelonis carbone
- 08-17-18
Educational
I found it very educational right on and a great book ! For all to read
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- Amazon Customer
- 09-23-18
excellent!
This book is helpful! it made me understand alot of thing's I've never understood before and opened my eye's up to new possibilities.
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