The Dance of Anger

A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships
Narrated by: Barbara Caruso
Length: 6 hrs and 50 mins
4.5 out of 5 stars (668 ratings)

Audible membership

$14.95 a month

Free with a 30-day trial
1 audiobook of your choice.
A monthly selection of Audible Originals.
$14.95 a month after 30 days. Cancel anytime.
Buy for $23.95

Buy for $23.95

Pay using card ending in
By confirming your purchase, you agree to Audible's Conditions of Use and Amazon's Privacy Notice. Taxes where applicable.

Publisher's Summary

Anger is something we feel. It exists for a reason and always deserves our respect and attention. We all have a right to everything we feel - and certainly our anger is no exception.

"Anger is a signal and one worth listening to," writes Dr. Harriet Lerner in her renowned classic that has transformed the lives of millions. While anger deserves our attention and respect, women still learn to silence our anger, to deny it entirely, or to vent it in a way that leaves us feeling helpless and powerless. In this engaging and eminently wise book, Dr. Lerner teaches both women and men to identify the true sources of anger and to use it as a powerful vehicle for creating lasting change.

For decades this book has helped millions of listeners learn how to turn their anger into a constructive force for reshaping their lives. With a new introduction by the author, The Dance of Anger is ready to lead the next generation.

©1985 Harriet G. Lerner (P)1999 Recorded Books, LLC

What listeners say about The Dance of Anger

Average Customer Ratings
Overall
  • 4.5 out of 5 stars
  • 5 Stars
    530
  • 4 Stars
    92
  • 3 Stars
    27
  • 2 Stars
    7
  • 1 Stars
    12
Performance
  • 4.5 out of 5 stars
  • 5 Stars
    415
  • 4 Stars
    95
  • 3 Stars
    33
  • 2 Stars
    12
  • 1 Stars
    9
Story
  • 4.5 out of 5 stars
  • 5 Stars
    426
  • 4 Stars
    91
  • 3 Stars
    24
  • 2 Stars
    7
  • 1 Stars
    10

Reviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.

Sort by:
Filter by:
  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Quick, concise, tactics and a good narrator

I've never left a review before. I'll first talk about the book, without trying to give away anything (read it!), and then the narrator.

BOOK: This book is really awesome. I'm not a fan of reading self help books, I find them preachy, repetitive, and drawn out. This was the exact opposite. The book was written like a good paper: tell them what you're going to tell them, explain it in detail, summarize what you've told them. She goes over what the book will do and what it won't do. Then she goes into it, providing ONE example. Towards the end, she introduces a new concept. Before she delves into the new concept, she summarizes everything you've just learned, gives a different spin on the example, and tells you what chapter to go back to if you need more help. She then reintroduces the new topic and explores that further. It was very clear, and very quick.

NARRATOR: She did an awesome job. SUPERB. I loved listening to her. I actually thought she was the author because she spoke so authoritatively. She didn't try to get fancy and come up with voices/accents for each character the author noticed. In fact, I did not appreciate how wonderful of a job she did until I started listening to the "Why Won't You Apologize" book by the same author, narrated horribly by someone else. Barbara Caruso did such a good job, I'm going to look for other books narrated by her. But for this self-help book, her ability to speak so clearly and authoritatively really just drove home all the points the author made. It was a wonderful combination.

14 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    4 out of 5 stars

Great Material, delivery feels dated

I read this for a class and it was an ideal supplement to my other class texts. The material is good, sometimes the delivery sounds dated. Great read for a man or woman.

6 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Most helpful self help book ever!

Any additional comments?

I originally read this book 20 years ago, and recently felt the need to revisit it. I downloaded the audio book (long commute) and found it just as helpful. The narrator was excellent, and I love the stories and different examples of how to put the advice into play. I only wish that there were a non gender specific version for reluctant men, because the advice given does bridge the gender gap if one is able to "hear" past the she/her narrative.

4 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Learn to benefit from power of anger!

Helpful for either gender, and for any relationships. Dr. Lerner explains how we can break the cycle of blaming in a relationship.

4 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

So necessary!!!

Wish everyone, especially women had access to such a comprehensive material! You will definitely relate to so many situations described in this book.

2 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Read it now

So much practical advice and examples help learn your part in your relationships and how to change yourself to change the dynamic

2 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

even as a man I loved this book.

highly recommend this . So much insight not only for women, but for anyone. I am thankful my wife recommended that I listen.

1 person found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    3 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Love the book, but the narrator is a bit clipped

I read this book in my 20s and it really changed my life. I enjoyed hearing it again. It has wonderful tools for changing your relationships.

1 person found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • GI
  • 07-27-18

A must read to manage your temper

the book gives good care studies of different types of situations where one can learn to manage anger while making oness point of view clear without antagonizing the other

1 person found this helpful

  • Overall
    1 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    3 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    1 out of 5 stars

Terribly outdated!

What would have made The Dance of Anger better?

An update for the 21st century! Very simplistic attitude about women and anger set in the 1950s ... more appropriate for my grandmother than me. No thanks!

4 people found this helpful

Sort by:
Filter by:
  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for Charlie P
  • Charlie P
  • 10-03-17

A wonderful, insightful book

This is the 3rd time I've returned to this book and each time I find new insights. Harriet Lerner has helped a great many people with this book, the discussion on who is responsible for what, the questions she guides us to ask ourselves and the position of being for ourselves and not against others is just what I have needed time and again in my life.
Harriet helps us to see that as women we're often encouraged to feel responsible for the thoughts, feelings and wellbeing of others but not for our own, she calls this being in a de-selfed position. By owning the responsibility for our own wellbeing, seeing where and how our actions are part of the patterns in which we are entrenched, we can choose new behaviours breaking the cycle of impotent anger and using our anger as a tool for transformation and self empowerment.

5 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    4 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for Zahra
  • Zahra
  • 04-27-17

absolute gem of a book

Dr Lerner's understanding of human relationships is second to none, investing your time in listening to this book means improving your understanding of yourself and others

4 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for Aminah
  • Aminah
  • 07-29-19

A great read for amazing insight

I had great insights from this book. The audio was a little dated but the advice is timeless.

1 person found this helpful

  • Overall
    1 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    1 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    1 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for Lauren
  • Lauren
  • 07-01-19

Terrible

I have an iPhone xe it's two years old and it's incompatitable with this app, ridiculous. After going through the paces I can't listen to a thing

1 person found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for Sj
  • Sj
  • 02-13-19

Brilliant!!

As a relationship Counsellor I highly recommend this book to everybody, not just women. It covers all the things I cover with my couples so it was great to listen and be nodding and agreeing everything!

1 person found this helpful

  • Overall
    1 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    2 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    1 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for Pete
  • Pete
  • 01-18-19

Not for men

As a man, I got a whole 3 minutes in before the anger started to dance. Chauvenistic to the extreme, which is a shame as some of non gender specific insight in the first minute was useful.

2 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for Sarita
  • Sarita
  • 07-08-20

A really helpful book

I've listened to this book twice now and I'm sure I'll listen again in the future. It's really helped me make sense of my feelings a behaviours. I wholeheartedly recommend it!

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for Anonymous User
  • Anonymous User
  • 07-05-20

Awesome book, full of information

Of understanding patterns and how to navigate them. You have to come back to this book any time you need it.

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for Trusted buyer
  • Trusted buyer
  • 12-24-18

Fantastic book

Absolutely loved this book. Will be reading it again (and again). Brilliantly insightful. Packed with wise insight.

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for lawrie minty
  • lawrie minty
  • 01-09-17

life makes more sense

well written, really to the point. excellent real life examples. no messing around. much clarity gained

Sort by:
Filter by:
  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for Amazon Customer
  • Amazon Customer
  • 07-22-20

Continues to be relevant 35 years on

This book gives women permission to be angry and to use anger as a signal for highlighting unmet needs. Dr Learner also gives examples of how women can be angry without holding a grudge and distancing from the people they care about or letting loose and ruining their chance for change in relationships. Dr Learner uses Family Systems Theory in a way that is understandable to general public and normalizes family resistance to change, motivating women to persist with personal change in relationships.

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for Kirsten Chan
  • Kirsten Chan
  • 07-07-20

Life changing

This book is basically talking about boundaries but I love that it gives so many practical ideas and ways to enforce boundaries which is what I’ve had trouble with in the past. I saw myself in many of the examples and will definitely find this book useful to re listen to.

It’s also taught me too that I’m not responsible for anyone but myself.

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for Jasmine Gailer
  • Jasmine Gailer
  • 03-10-20

Not just about Anger: Will make sense your entire life!

This book blew my mind. I feel like every relationship in my life finally makes sense. All the patterns, habits, communication...just like “ooooohhhh I get it now”. I feel like this book would help women AND men, and not just with anger. It explains all our patterns in relationship so that we can FIX them if we want to. And if we have the courage.

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for Rebecca
  • Rebecca
  • 10-29-19

A Must Read

All sexes should read this book if self exploration and understanding is what they are looking for.

  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    2 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for Anonymous User
  • Anonymous User
  • 08-03-19

The voice was so aggressive and offputting!!!

It is unfortunate that the voice was so terrible because the contents is revolutionary and game changing for how to think and behave.
For those of us who overfunction, like control, take responaibility for other people's emotional well-being this is a must read (in book form, not with this very attacking voice).

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for Anonymous User
  • Anonymous User
  • 02-09-18

Great book!

As always, Harriet Lerner gives so much excellent practical advice, shares many stories & communicates very clearly. Loved this book!

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for Amazon Customer
  • Amazon Customer
  • 09-08-17

Wish had read it years ago

I have enjoyed this book so much. I learned so much and I wish I had read it years ago. I recommend it to any man or woman who feel stuck in a relationship with their partner, parents, children , or colleagues. I think the discussions apply to both gender, and men can benefit as much as women.

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    3 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for Catherine
  • Catherine
  • 04-13-17

Good info narrator not so Much

The information is great but the narrator sounds like a school madam a bit off putting. Maybe I need to work on my anger around that.