The Book of Boundaries

Set the Limits That Will Set You Free

By: Melissa Urban

Narrated by: Melissa Urban

NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER FROM THE CO-FOUNDER OF THE WHOLE30 • End resentment, burnout, and anxiety—and reclaim your time, energy, health, and relationships.

“Melissa Urban shows the way forward with clarity, vulnerability, and humor.”—Gretchen Rubin, author of Life in Five Senses

Melissa Urban has helped millions of people transform their relationship with food. Now, in this powerful and practical guide, she shows how boundaries—clear limits you set to protect your energy, time, and health—are the key to feelings of security, confidence, and freedom in every area of your life.

In her famously direct and compassionate style, Urban offers:

• 130+ scripts with language you can use to set boundaries with bosses and co-workers, romantic partners, parents and in-laws, co-parents, friends, family, neighbors, strangers—and yourself
• Actionable advice to help you communicate your needs with clarity and compassion
• Tips for successfully navigating boundary guilt, pushback, pressure, and oversteps
• Techniques to create healthy habits around food, drink, technology, and more

User-friendly and approachable, The Book of Boundaries will give you the tools you need to stop justifying, minimizing, and apologizing, leading you to more rewarding relationships and a life that feels bigger, healthier, and freer.

ONE OF THE BEST BOOKS OF THE YEAR: Mindful

Must read for most people

If you struggle with boundaries this book will explain it all. I feel like I have a new understanding about all facets of boundaries and the author gives you plenty of examples so you don’t end the book with any questions. Brilliantly written. In fact, I’m gonna listen again!

Boundaries are GENEROUS

This book is an instruction manual for giving others an instruction manual on how to support your needs, have productive conversation with you, and enjoy a mutually fulfilling relationship.

The book was full of stories, which demonstrate rather than preach. The stories illustrate how resentment can be created, as well as how it can be avoided. Not only resentment of others, but resentment of ourselves and others’ resentment of us.

The theme of being clear and kind underscores every single boundary tool in this book’s box. This is a perfect mantra for those of us who feel guilty when setting boundaries because kindness is built in. When we are intentionally kind, we can rest assured we are giving as much as we should. Oh- and “as much as we should” is not the same as “as much as we can.”

One of my favorite takeaways from this book is about restricting boundaries to our own behavior: when X happens, I do Y. I liked the green/yellow/red levels of Y (my behavior that enforces the boundary). This puts the power in our hands and does not rely on the behavior of others changing for our needs to be met. Boundaries are about making sure we are the ones in charge of respecting our needs. This may mean that we realize what we need is to limit our time with people we care about, so heads up- your life may look different after reading this book and setting clear, kind boundaries. If it does, congratulations. It most likely means you are valuing your own health, needs, and values, and allowing others to respect those things, too, with as much clarity as they need to make their choice and act on it.

The timing of this book was perfect for me, and I highly recommend listening to it on Audible if you’re an auditory learner, or prefer “interview for information” to “read for information” as a skill. Melissa Urban’s voice is clear and kind, and I felt empowered rather than lectured, as I have with some other “self-help” section book readers. She has a very “you’ve got this” tone.

Finally, I want to thank the author for her generosity in sharing personal stories and openly donating her experience to the benefit of her listeners’ and readers’ learning. Melissa Urban’s vulnerability, within the boundaries of what she felt comfortable sharing, is not only kind to those of us who relate to her, but to those who may relate to other characters in her story (read: other real people in her life).

Both the author and boundaries are generous.

Life changing

I knew my life was a mess and I needed to change patterns and behaviors. This book has changed my life profoundly. I realized I don’t set boundaries because I didn’t know the words. Now I have them and it works.

Great book with actionable scripts

Thank you Melissa for this great book. I like your tone and use of red, yellow, and green boundary scripts. I already recommended it to everyone!

Good recommendations & examples for how to throughout

Yay, help full. Good boundary setting tools with lots of story telling and anecdotal experiences shared. Very easy read.