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Publisher's Summary

A leading expert on human sexuality and author of the blog Sex and Psychology offers an unprecedented look at sexual fantasy based on the most comprehensive, scientific survey ever undertaken.

What do Americans really want when it comes to sex? And is it possible for us to get what we want? Justin J. Lehmiller, one of the country's leading experts on human sexuality and author of the popular blog Sex and Psychology, has made it his career's ambition to answer these questions. He recently concluded the largest and most comprehensive scientific survey of Americans' sexual fantasies ever undertaken, a monumental two-year study involving more than 4,000 Americans from all walks of life, answering questions of unusual scope.

Based on this study, Tell Me What You Want offers an unprecedented look into our fantasy worlds and what they reveal about us. It helps readers to better understand their own sexual desires and how to attain them within their relationships, but also to appreciate why the desires of their partners may be so incredibly different.

If we only better understood the incredible diversity of human sexual desire and why this diversity exists in the first place, we would experience less distress, anxiety, and shame about our own sexual fantasies and better understand why our partners often have sexual proclivities that are so different from our own. Ultimately, this book will help readers to enhance their sex lives and to maintain more satisfying relationships and marriages in the future by breaking down barriers to discussing sexual fantasies and allowing them to become a part of readers' sexual realities.

PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio. 

©2018 Justin J. Lehmiller (P)2018 Hachette Audio

Critic Reviews

"Lehmiller's smart, warm, sex-positive book breaks the toxic silence around our sexual fantasies. Reading it may be the best thing you ever do for your sex life, your relationships and your self-acceptance." (Geoffrey Miller, author of The Mating Mind, Spent, and Mate)

"Lehmiller's groundbreaking book points to an alarming divide between the conversations we're having about sex and the conversation we should be having about sex. It provides the nudge we need to change the conversation - and, in doing so, to live healthier, hotter lives." (Eli J. Finkel, professor of psychology, Northwestern University)

"A penetrating, erotic X-ray into the hidden recesses of our sexual psyches. Illuminating and incisive, Lehmiller lays bare the gray matter of great sex." (Ian Kerner, PhD, New York Times best-selling author of She Comes First)

What listeners say about Tell Me What You Want

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  • Overall
    3 out of 5 stars
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    3 out of 5 stars

Not what I expected

Based on all the interviews he gave about this book I thought it was going to be a look at different fantasies, kinks & fetishes. The results of his study he conducted. The bulk of the book is giving people permission and guidelines to think about desires or discuss them with a partner. If you are already comfortable with your self/partner there is little new information. I wanted more information about the study results.

5 people found this helpful

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  • 12-05-19

really useful!

Great info, practical knowledge, useful tips. You can be a sexual veteran and STILL appreciate this book fully.

4 people found this helpful

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Amazing book

This book was so good I couldn’t stop listening to it. The information is so illuminating and the psychology behind everything was just so fascinating. Hope another book is to follow even if its just an expansion or more in-depth study on similar subjects

6 people found this helpful

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Interesting insight into the fantasies of American

This book takes an interesting look into the sexual fantasies and attitudes of Americans. Not the actions, but the kinky thoughts people have.

Other than a few overused phrases ("to be clear") the audio book is very good. I highly recommend it.

2 people found this helpful

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Educational and Titillating

Read by the author himself, which I always prefer since they get the tone right, the book provides findings and provides analysis without overreaching. While human sexual desire is so vast and ever changing, this is a good summary of a study of american fantasies. Why I didn’t agree with all the theories, I appreciated all the points and how they made me think or rethink. I already told a lot of friends about this book.

1 person found this helpful

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A must read for every couple...young & old.

I was very pleasantly surprised by the content and concepts discussed throughout the book. This opened up an incredible amount of questions and thoughts regarding human sexuality, our perception of it and how we can be better at it. I certainly feel more empowered by the knowledge I've gleaned and look forward to using this new knowledge to educate my family and friends.

4 people found this helpful

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This book is life-changing

This book is an amazing scientific approach about the truth behind sexual desire. The author goes into detail about anything and everything you could ever want to know about what people desire sexually, why they desire it, and what to do about your own desires. This book will help you understand yourself, your partner(s), and American culture with regards to sexual desire. I recommend it to anyone who is open to learning about statistically common sexual fantasies and their implications on relationships. Overall, this author keeps the story very scientific and factual, being sure to address the possible shortcomings of his study, which adds significantly to his credibility as a researcher.

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Like listening to a research paper

It’s a freeing book if you have hang ups around your desires and expressing them, and you need your wants to be normalized. Not my favorite book on the subject

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Learned a lot!

While some information I’ve heard before, this was chock full of new information I immediately shared with family and friends. Super useful and the author does a great job reading it.

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great book on sex and what people want.

loved it. great science on human sexual interests and what people really prefer as opposed to the assumptions made by society.