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Publisher's Summary

What if making one tweak to your day-to-day conversations could immediately improve every relationship in your life?

In this three-hour, conversational listen, you'll discover the whats, whys, and hows of one of the most valuable (yet surprisingly little-known) communication skills - validation.

Whether you're looking to improve your relationship with your spouse, navigate difficult conversations at work, or connect on a deeper level with friends and family, this book delivers simple, practical, proven techniques for improving any relationship in your life.

Mastery of this simple skill will enable you to:

  • Calm (and sometimes even eliminate) the concerns, fears, and uncertainties of others
  • Increase feelings of love, respect, and appreciation in your romantic relationships
  • Quickly resolve, or even prevent, arguments
  • Help others become open to your point of view
  • Give advice and feedback that sticks
  • Provide support and encouragement to others, even when you don't know how to "fix" the problem
  • And much more

In short: this skill is powerful. Give the principles and practices in this book a chance and you'll be amazed at the difference they can make.

©2017 Michael S. Sorensen (P)2017 Michael S. Sorensen

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What listeners say about I Hear You

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Life-Changing

I just finished listening to I Hear You on Audible this morning, and it has already changed one of the most important relationships in my life. My mom had an episode and was diagnosed with schizophrenia about a year ago, and since then, our relationship has turned sour. Prior to the start of her episode, which still persists today, we used to speak on the phone at least an hour a week and were very close. For the past year, our conversations have been angry and short, and I felt like we were always talking in circles about her irrational thoughts and conspiracy theories, never about anything going on in my life.


I was about halfway through I Hear You when I had a call with my mom last week. During our call, I realized that my knee-jerk reaction was to immediately invalidate every thought and emotion she shared with me, so I shifted gears and tried validating her feelings instead. I kept expressing how I couldn't imagine what she was going through and that it sounded terrifying and isolating. Her response was so overwhelmingly appreciative that I didn't even need to offer my opinion or perspective. I could actually hear the relief in her voice when she thanked me for understanding, and for the first time in a year, she changed the subject and asked me about my day. We spoke for an hour and a half, and I felt good during and after the call, just like old times. We connected, and I'm actually looking forward to talking to her again.

I highly recommend reading I Hear You. It will easily change your relationships and your life for the better.

277 people found this helpful

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Everyone Should Practice these Principles

This book is very well performed. The author is clear and succinct. He does not try to streatch a few solid ideas into 20 chapters, when he can cover them in a handful. This book has a focused principle it describes, then it instructs you on how to implement the principle using several techniques and examples. I really enjoyed the style and structure of this book. It is very user friendly and teaches communication strategies to help understand and better communicate with others, while validating their emotions. This book highlights something society has forgetten, that we are allowed to feel.

71 people found this helpful

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Validation, that's all

I found it useful, easy, practical. A few repetitive about the same concept : validation. But it's worth to listen

53 people found this helpful

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Helpful and Grasping

I just applied some of the principles I learned in this book the other day. My coworker was having trouble with her husband. She said he always whined and she would give him solutions which would make him grumpier. I told her next time to simply say, "Wow, that really sucks." This book talks about how everyone just wants to feel acknowledged. If they need help, they'll ask for it. Otherwise, tell someone you've felt the same way they've felt, or that you're sorry they're feeling crappy today because that's no fun at all. This book gives good examples in both work and personal life scenarios. You should read it if you're interested in understanding people more, and improving your communication skills.

67 people found this helpful

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Book helped solved a problem I didn't know existed

What did you love best about I Hear You?

This is a PHENOMENAL book for anyone that wants to improve their relationship with others and even more specifically with themselves. Several months ago, I got a difficult medical diagnosis which was life changing. Michael, the author, a friend of mine gave me this book to read unknowing of my current situation.

For me the most powerful concepts I learned from this book was validating my own self. I had been going through quite a range of emotions as I was dealing with the potential effects this new medical diagnosis was going to have on every aspect of my life. I learned as I read this book that I hadn't been validating any of the “negative” feelings I was so strongly feeling but was suppressing them all. I started to vividly see the damage and harm this unknown behavior of not validating all of my feelings had been causing me.

I learned to see that what I have needed most from myself and others was validation of those feelings of frustration, anger, sadness, and fear etc. After finally realizing I needed to validate those feelings that had been festering inside, I felt this huge sense of relief and calmness in my life. I can honestly say I use the act of validating all my emotions on a daily basis. I am able to process things better, move forward with more hope and a better attitude even though my life is not what I want it to be at this time! This is a MUST READ for everyone!

92 people found this helpful

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Short, to the point and actionable

Description
I hear you is a short introduction to achieving connection and improving communication through validation.
It offers a 4 step approach to opening up conversation and meeting people where they are, while still being assertive in your own viewpoint.


Concerns
At first I felt that the examples where too kind to the author and didn't really address more difficult situations.
I found it hard to distinguish this form of validation from basic lipservice. But as the book progresses it does teach you how to validate the other person and meeting them in what you can relate to or understand while still maintaining your own stance as well.


Strengths
It is short. It is easily followed and interesting with examples given. It is concrete in it's advice and explains the background for why that advice is given.


Conclusion
I believe that following type advice laid out in this book will give you more opportunities for empathy and getting to know the people around you. People are more likely to listen to people they respect and from whom they feel heard. So this book will also allow you to influence others more effectively.

34 people found this helpful

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LIFE CHANGING....

I had always believed myself to be a good listener, but i had no idea how to respond. I couldn’t stand the generic responses you hear people tell one another everyday, ““ I know how you feel”, “it could be worse”, or “you’ll get over it”, uggghhhh, I am not a lier , im more of a straight shooter, but sometimes honesty is harsh. I feel like I have always tried to avoid a lot of certain situations where I would be forced to either lie or be brutally honest. This book opened up a new chapter in myself. I couldn’t wait to start using the method. I am making my 16 yr old read it. This book is something to live by for anyone who wants to be a better person. That’s intense but I too believe that people want actually they need to feel validation. It’s crazy what a few simple words can do to someone’s day. It’s books like this they should be reading in high school, it really could do good things. I must also say I listened to the audible and there is something soothing about Michaels voice! 👍🏼

67 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars

for a self proclaimed non "authority" on the su

on the subject, this guy not only gets it, he gets what most people miss and wash over, and he very clearly dismantles our preconceived notions of empathy, with such simple language, and relatable examples, that not only clear up the misconceptions, but internalize the subtleties that are a make-it-or-break-it reality when it comes to getting what you need to understand about understanding people. Carl Rogers would weep tears of joy if he could read this book. Absolutely required listening for anyone who wants to be around humans. Life improves in all areas when these truths are finally grasped, and your understanding of yourself will deepen so much that it could be a reason in and of itself. Just awesome.

32 people found this helpful

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Very helpful

The skill of validation is surprisingly important and overlooked.... The author does a great job of explaining how we can use it to improve our lives and relationships. He does so in practical terms.. I recognize countless times that I unknowingly was injuring relationships even with something as (seemingly) simple as not showing enough interest in my partner’s success or passing comments about his day. I also like that this book is short enough that I could listen again without much stress to refresh the ideas. Thanks!

18 people found this helpful

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Gain a superpower!!!

I cant wait to get better at validating others and myself. I truly wish I had heard this book 13 years ago. My husband has fallen out of love with me because I haven't validated him enough. Validating others is truly the key to intimate connection and trust. This book helped me understand clearly what it is, isn't, and how to do it effectively and sound natural. I liked the reader too. his voice was genuine, natural and easy to listen to.

20 people found this helpful

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  • Leonardo Martinez
  • 08-07-21

Straight to the point

The true definition of less is more. I heard in the last about listening to understand instead of listening to respond, but the way the author explains everything, including examples, how and why in such a simple way make it easy to understand as well as the reader eager to want to attempt to practice this method. 10/10 would recommend

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  • Harvey
  • 07-26-21

Excellent!

An excellent book that will give you a way deeper understanding of communication & the importance of being heard. I now understand why I always turn to certain people in times of need and not others. And this book will help me have a better level of self awareness so I can be a better listener to others. Thank you!

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  • Anonymous User
  • 01-14-21

A very good book for beginners

I am a 17 year old and this book was very helpful for me in high school. Now I understand more about my family and friends. I definitely recomand it for someone who is an extrovert and loves talking but forgets to listen to the others or for ppl who love psychology and are just starting out on audible bc is a short book.

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  • Brian R.
  • 10-12-20

great advice. such a simple thing actually

I found the information and advice extremely helpful. found that I was using the validation method even before I'd finished listening. and could feel the impact it was making very quickly. thank you 🙏

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  • Warda A.
  • 01-11-20

So important

In order to enjoy, benefit from and consequently, thrive from meaningful relationships and connections, validation is KEY. This book shows us how to develop this skill. Super important if we want to feel - and make others feel - deeply seen, heard, accepted, witnessed, appreciated. Thanking the author for writing this book ✨

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  • MC
  • 08-22-19

Great book

im new to audible and this was my introduction to the world of audiobooks. Great book, beautiful insight and great narrator, loved how varuious scenarios where used to convey his point and easy and precise to follow

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  • Ben
  • 10-09-17

Simple yet powerful

This book is a hidden gem. I've realised past experiences where conversations have gone sour because I wasn't giving validation to the person I'm listening to and thinking I'm helping offering advice. The idea is so pratical yet so powerful and can completely change how people may talk to you if you understand when and how to validate.

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  • James Daly
  • 10-01-20

Great book

Nice and simple, to the point and practical tips for fostering better connections with those around you.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Sherese Lee
  • 07-02-21

amazing!

this book is straight to the point, easy to digest and a no bs approach to effective listening. highly recommend if you’d like to enrich your relationships 💜

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  • Colin Williamson
  • 03-26-18

Eye Opening

Great advice and insights on the human mind and emotion. Highly recommended. I am currently putting into practice in the workplace and it's great.