How We Change

(And Ten Reasons Why We Don't)

By: Ross Ellenhorn

Narrated by: Nathan Agin

Length: 11 hrs and 9 mins

Publisher's summary

A paradigm-shifting instant classic in the making that challenges our assumptions about change by encouraging us to understand and embrace our resistance to it.

We all have something we want to change about ourselves. But whether it's quitting smoking, losing weight, or breaking some common bad habit or negative behavior pattern, we feel a sense of failure when we don’t succeed. This often sets off a cascade of negative feelings and discouragement, making it even harder to change. The voice in our head tells us: Why bother.

Successful change depends far more on understanding why we don’t change, psychotherapist and sociologist Ross Ellenhorn insists. His decades-long career as a pioneer in helping people overcome extreme psychiatric experiences and problematic substance-use issues - especially those whom the behavioral healthcare system has failed - especially those whom the mental healthcare system has failed - has lead him to develop an effective, long-term method to achieve transformation, from the simplest shifts to the most profound. 

In How We Change, Ellenhorn looks to the evolutionary imperatives driving us. We are wired to double down on the familiar because of what he calls the "Fear of Hope" - the act of protecting ourselves from further disappointment. He identifies the “10 Reasons Not to Change” to help us see why we behave the way we do, making it clear that there is nothing broken inside us - it’s how we’re built. By addressing this little known reality, he gives us hope and helps us work toward the change we seek. Ellenhorn speaks to the core of our insecurities and fears about ourselves, with a humor and kindness. By turning our judgments about self-destructive behaviors into curious questions about them, he teaches us to think about our actions to discover what we truly want - even if we’re going about getting it in the wrong way. How We Change is a brilliant approach that will forever alter our perspective - and help us achieve the transformation we truly seek. 

Supplemental enhancement PDF accompanies the audiobook. 

PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio. 

©2020 Ross Ellenhorn (P)2020 HarperAudio

Amazing! A must listen

I've listened to/read books on motivation, grit, goal competition, you name it. This book blows them all out of the water. It reviews ideas like hope and the way fear of hope and fear of losing hope hold us back as well as the benefits of starting the same. It's full of relatable examples and useful information. This should be required reading. It's that good.

Boring- Like a Textbook

This is like a social psychology textbook with some case studies thrown in. Very boring and nothing really actionable to improve your life. The narrator did his best with a very dry text.

So worthy!!! And refreshing

This book is a blast of fresh air and a welcome addition to many other excellent resources for making peace with oneself. for me, “the body keeps the score” and “how we change” are my “go to’s” to use when I need a little more self compassion and self-discipline

love to read

it was good some really great thoughts that are life changing stuck in between some political views that should have been kept personal.

It just doesn't get any better than this !

My words can not express how this book/author / narrator has touched my heart and mind. Push forward and change and when you just can't anymore, pick this book back up read/listen and press forward again. Although I would have to say change also has a partner and/both to it, and it would be grow. This book makes you feel better about how hard things can be and why in your particular case, and makes you feel strong and truly feel you can carry on with your change and growth.

Comprehensive

This book took ideas I was familiar with and spun them on their head. It was incredibly relatable and exciting to hear my own issues explained in a new way. My only complaint would be that it is low on action items but that’s my preference only. Definitely worth listening to!

Insightful

Brilliantly done, one of the best self-help books I have ever read. I recognize myself and others in the various scenarios. I have been putting off cleaning the refrigerator for months and managed to complete this task after listening to one of the chapters. Liked the book so much, I will listen to it again. Highly recommended!

Embracing the tension

A refreshing guide to examine and perceive the forces that co-exist as we contemplate change.

Very unique point of view

This book offers some really unique insights into why we may resist change. It's really different from those hundreds of other books that offer more or less the same advice and it makes you think.
The reason why I gave it only 4 stars is that I don't feel like I fully comprehended all of the points, as if the explanations were given to me in a different Operating System than what my brain uses. Somehow, many of the points never fully clicked in my mind, they were never fully understood. It may be just me, though, and I would still definitely recommend reading this book. Also, the author seems to be a genuinely nice and relatable human being :)

A Game-Changing Look at Change

Facilitates self-compassion with personal growth by illuminating the forces pulling at is as we change.